The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Ever since my husband's Mother's Day stunt (which seems like days ago, but it was only yesterday), my son and I have been staying at my parents' condo. It's pretty nice here - everything is so clean, it doesn't smell of booze or pets, and the condo complex has a nice pool with a hot tub (it's like a mini vacation). I went by our house today to pick up some extra clothes and food - wasn't sure how long we'd be here, but I think I have enough clothes to last a week (before having to do laundry). I'm really enjoying my alone time (well, as much alone time as you can have with a 3-year old around). I guess what I'm enjoying most is not having to deal with my husband while he's stressing and drinking. I wish I could stay here FOREVER.
My question is. . . .am I hiding from my problems, or just taking a healthy break? I vote for the healthy break Then the bigger question is. . . .when do I need to get back to reality?
I read your earlier post, about the mothers day fiasco.
I have had similar experiences. Fiance, now husband, completely passed out at breakfast on our aniversary (spent the whole day in bed, OD'd on GHB)... I know exactly how you felt on Sunday! But good for you for taking your son out, and not letting it ruin YOUR day!!
I vote healthy break too! Also, you don't have to figure everything out right now. Enjoy your break from insanity.... you can figure out the rest in time.
take care of yourself and your child. Your doing great!
I would talk out with another al anon member what you feel your motives are. If you feel you need to stay with your parents long term, you may need to work out a contract of some kind with them--how long are you staying? Are you willing to pay bills? What are the expectations on each side? It may also help to honestly look at if expectations on your part had any role to play in how you feel about the mother's day events. Were you expecting to be treated in a certain way? Were you expecting your husband to behave differently than he had? What were you looking for? Had you voiced these things? What is your role in the events of Mother's Day? And what is your role in the ongoing events currently? This is where a sponsor would be supremely helpful, and if you don't have one, I strongly urge you to get one.
Ever since my husband's Mother's Day stunt (which seems like days ago, but it was only yesterday), my son and I have been staying at my parents' condo. It's pretty nice here - everything is so clean, it doesn't smell of booze or pets, and the condo complex has a nice pool with a hot tub (it's like a mini vacation).
It's a real eye-opener when we get away from that unhealthy environment, isn't it?!
When I was in rehab in 1986, I was so worried because I knew I could not go back home to the violent psychotic EXAH. I had no idea how I was going to pull that off as I was over 2 hours away from home.
God was working in my life because before I ever completed rehab, my counselor offered me a place to stay with her and her husband until I got on my feet.
I landed a job a week out of rehab, my counselor and her husband found a house they liked even better after a month, and the landlord allowed me to continue to rent their place after they moved.
My parents were so scared for me that they rented a u-haul, went over to my old place praying he wasn't there (which he wasn't), loaded up everything of mine in a couple of hours, and drove it to my new place.
Tell me God wasn't working in my life! It wasn't long after that he started calling me, begging me to come home. Then his calls would get nasty with me because I was staying where I was. He eventually moved on to someone else, and for that, I am so grateful. You see, he contracted HIV while I was in rehab, and had I gone home, I would have suffered the same fate.
He was buried 3 years ago, complications due to AIDS, at the age of 47.
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"If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience." - Woodrow Wilson
Wow tender, that's the best god working in my life story I have ever heard. Funny how we fight and struggle to stick with the familiar even when it's bad for us. There's something to be said for going with the flow! As for N8s mom... I would make that my new reality? LOL Sounds much nicer than the old one. I remember thinking so much my brain hurt trying to play out 1000 scenarios in my mind about how things were going to work out or what may or may not happen - I still do it sometimes, thanks for reminding me to be on the look out for that and quit it! I think I'll just go with the flow and see where the current takes me.
Tiger2006 - My parents' condo is empty (they live full-time in NJ and only come out here to AZ to visit a few times a year). At the moment I can't imagine being here so long that I would need to contribute to their bills (but you never know). They said that the condo is here fo rme to use as long as I need it (it's great to have their help and support).
As for Mother's Day, he asked me several times what I wanted and I told him all I wanted was for him to be sober, so we could spend a nice day together as a family (and go out for brunch to check out a new restaurant that had recently opened in our area).
Tenderheartsks - your story is very inspiring, you definitely had a Higher Power looking out for you.
Thanks everyone for your encouraging words. My husband called last night and made a comment about how I seemed to be packing a lot of things when I was there yesterday. I just told him that I wasn't sure how long I'd be here. I think when he calls today I will tell him the same thing I told you guys - that I just want a little break for a few days (as long as my son is OK with being away from home).
Yea...Healthy break is what I would do....I DESERVE to be happy...Needs met...NOT treated like dung.....
I RUN when I see an A coming towards me.....I have had it with them as to close relationships....I got this lovely brother whom I used to hang out with and we had a great time...He is an A now.....Been one, I just didn't want to see it.......Now, sadly, I have to put a "shelf life" on how long we can talk, b/c the disease gets to me.....I am not losing my serenity for ANYone
you take care of you, you have your son to think of and that involves you being well and happy and stress free. I am taking a house this august and september to get away from stress here as I now realise what that does to you, life is short and I wish you the best, you are in my prayers
Then the bigger question is. . . .when do I need to get back to reality?
