The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Actually found out my job is being done away with....actually being sent to China, come August. I have worked there 22 years last month. No matter what, men problems, health problems, whatever, I still had my job. I NEED MY JOB!
I moved into my own apt. last July, and have been doing wonderfully. Getting my old bills paid off one by one, making plans, dating a wonderful "normal" man...then WHAM NO JOB.
How am I going to pay my rent? We get a severance pkg., but the US Govt. takes 31% right off the top, then come tax time, I will have to pay even more taxes. Have to used the severance pay as living expenses, before can apply for unemployment.
I am sick. My heart is broken. I don't know how much more I can take. Seems like every time I just begin to see daylight, someone blocks out the sun.
My non-A bf is being so good about all this. We don't live together, but have dated for 8 months, just stay together on weekends. He is concerned about helping and taking care of his parents, which I respect him for. And he always takes me out to eat, helps me around my apt., just the "normal" boyfriend stuff.
But since this happened,,,,the job thing.....I want MORE!
I want him to promise me love everlasting. I want him to make everything OK for me. I want him to ask me to marry him, so we can live happily ever after. (He just got divorced himself a year ago last Dec., after wife found herself a boyfriend! And he moved back home with his folks)> So, I know he is in no position to do anything right now. But he always tells me he loves me, calls when he says he will, is a complete gentleman....and I don't know how to handle it!
I am so confused.
I know it is up to me to find a job and take care of myself. I'm just terrified after being out of the job market for 22 years, doing the same thing, and now here I am 55 and starting over. Ack!
And I know my bf loves me, he shows it all the time. I just want him to show me he loves me in some over-the-top way! I have this hole inside my heart that nothing is ever enough to fill. Too many years of damage done, I guess. I just don't want to do anything to run this man off, cos I think he's the best thing that has ever happened to me. 8 months together and we've had no issues, arguements, or anything like that.
I just got off the phone with him and was trying to describe how I was feeling. He said "sounds like you are feeling vulnerable." OMG...does he read minds or what? Never had a man agree that I was feeling vulnerable, let alone speak the word. Maybe he's feeling vulnerable, too.
My daughter and her baby are on their way over. Baby Delilah is such a job, runs all over in her little size 2 flip flops! She's 17 months old now.
But here I sit, should be overjoyed, but my hair is a mess, I've been crying, my tummy hurts............I can't even stand myself today.
I don't even know where, how, when to start looking for a job. If they keep us until August, and I quit before then, I won't get the severance pkg., which is 80 hours of pay for each year (22) so that is quite a good amount (before taxes!) God help me.
Becky1
-- Edited by Becky1 on Tuesday 12th of May 2009 04:51:34 AM
My non-A bf is being so good about all this. We don't live together, but have dated for 8 months, just stay together on weekends. He is concerned about helping and taking care of his parents, which I respect him for. And he always takes me out to eat, helps me around my apt., just the "normal" boyfriend stuff.
But since this happened,,,,the job thing.....I want MORE!
I want him to promise me love everlasting. I want him to make everything OK for me. I want him to ask me to marry him, so we can live happily ever after. (He just got divorced himself a year ago last Dec., after wife found herself a boyfriend! And he moved back home with his folks)>
Becky the guy has only been with you 8 months....Just divorced.....If I were in this situation, I would not convey "i want more" to him at this point, b/c if that were me?? I would run!!! He sounds like a nice guy....He is giving/doing what he can....
I am sooo sorry you lost your job...Been there done that...And I was ALONE each job loss...This past 2 years I have had on and off unemployment and God has gotten me through it..Yea, I had to work steps 1,2,3, to death, but I did and I was able to LET GO....LET GOD...The more I tried to control/ being needy w/my loving family friends, things got worse......Letting go and letting God, gets ME out of the way so HP can put his MORE capable hands on it and life does get better......
ONE day at a time....Just keep CLAIMING your good..SEE it...Visualize it....Give thanks for it as already done......That sends powerful energy out in the universe.....
I feel for you...God only knows unless a person has been there, they can't even know the pain and fear of losing ones job.....I had a job go down the drain...then got a new one 6 mths. later only to have to walk because of abuse.....then into another after 2 mths. and got kicked out because I would not cheat an employee on their paycheck.....Then found another job and THAT one moved to FLA.....so yea, I have been in your shoes...Cried..Screamed...Felt the victim.....I did it all...Finally I just said "thats it HP you take over my life....I can't do this anymore"......Each time I let go, I got help from out of the blue......I finally had to give up on this rat race and file for early social security...It is not enough , so Thank God, I found this little job I work at for 2 days per week...Had 3 days, they cut 1 day...So, ok, my needs are met...I do my grateful list and its ONE DAY at a time for me.....I got this now!!! Sometimes life is so hard, I gotta live 1 HOUR at a time.....Like just get through this moment and the next.....with prayer and surrender the whole time......THIS TOO SHALL PASS!!!! You have been OK this far..HP is not going to drop you now!!!! Please keep coming back here....
It will get better...Keep working the program and keep steps 1,2,3 in the forefront and work them hard.......
GOOD luck and PEACE be with you
-- Edited by rosielightshines on Monday 11th of May 2009 07:35:19 PM
Well, when I wrote all that mushy stuff about what "I want him to do" OF COURSE I don't tell him....cos if I were he, I would run too!
I just wrote it from my gut, to tell where I'm coming from how my feelings are scattered all over the floor, with no rhyme or reason to any of it....ACK!!!
Of course, I don't want to go from a nice, peaceful, respectful relationship into a screaming, demanding, needy one....which is probably how it would be (there I go projecting again!!!)
But, thanks for writing, any other ideas out there?
Becky, I must commend you on 22 years at your profession. I would put together a resume. Put it out there everywhere! Check out all the job sites on the web. Invest in some personal business cards. Your name, contact phone number and email address; advertise yourself: responsible mature woman with 22 years experience in ****, seeking employment in a stable full time position. Pass them out to everyone you meet. I firmly believe that it's through networking that people land their dream jobs. GOOD LUCK!
As for as your BF...things will work out. We all need someone to lean on sometimes, even if it is just for a day.
Oh, Becky, so sorry about your job. I too lost my job after working there 31 years. This was in 2005. Looking back, it was the best thing that could have happened.
My story is different from yours however; my health was getting bad. Had hip replacement 6 months after loosing my job. I do have husband, but he too is retired. Somehow, we have managed. I got a severence package too and was very, very careful with it. We have not missed a meal, our lights are still on. Your HP will provide for you.
The economy is in the tank right now, but I truly think things will get better before too long. Take a few weeks for yourself after your job is gone. After all the years of work, enjoy sleeping in late and then start looking for a job.
Do not make any major decisions with your boyfriend right now. Your life just took a serious hit and you need to take a breather.
And once again, i am sorry you lost your job after all those years of dedication and hard work. Right now, you will not believe this, but you will be ok. Just take it to your HP>
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Clara
------------------------------------ What don't kill you, makes you stronger!!!
There you go Becky. That one makes all the sense in the world. Sounds like you are afraid!!
Your job is going to China? Time for a call to your congressmen and Senator(s). Especially at this time in the country's condition. Call your sponsor...then call your Representatives in Washington. CALL the PRESIDENT fer gads sake. Are you being made a part of the solution or a part of the problem?
Keep on with the "God" help me part always. It worked for me.
Having had two alcoholic parents I understand not having any kind of emotional, much less financial support to fall back on. I used to say during university that student loans where more dependable than my parents ever where.
So, what I see is that your recent job loss has brought up all those old feelings of loss over not having supportive parents. So what I see is that two things are going on. One that you are still grieving your lack of supportive parenting.
And than two the job loss which brought up those old feelings even worse. Sounds like you are in reality with your boyfriend and your financial situation. My first thought was that after you get started with unemployment you will have some time on your hands.
I got laid off and it turned out to be a blessing because during my year of unemployment I went to lots of Alanon meetings and had breakfast for lunch and read the paper and applied for three jobs a week and kept track in a notebook for unemployment.
Than with the rest of my time I walked over to the local community college and got a catalog. These catalogs describe all the programs the school offers. I fairly randomly picked nursing and it has really been a means to earn a good living and very flexible.
Not everyone wants to do the medical stuff some people prefer computers, website design, or many other two year programs.
Since you are going to have the time why don't you make your life like a recovery spa? Alanon meetings, lots of salads, take a class to get started at the local community college. Ask for help at the office to fill our your financial aid form for community college and by the time that comes in you will either be going to school full time being retrained and working part time on weekends and to busy to think of that ole boyfriend who is not ready to commit. or have found another job.
anyway, i personally found my year on unemployment very freeing.
maybe even look up low cost therapy for 5 bucks at the local womans center or catholic social services or whatever while you have the time.
you sound okey dokey christine
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One must always do what one thinks can not be done.
-Eleanor Roosevelt-
I have not lost my job (yet) but 1/3 of my budget was gutted. I decided to look at it as a silver lining. Less work for me to do. HP has put you on notice that its time to change! Accept it or fight it, its our choice! Embrace it or pout, its our choice, its always our choice. When something drops out or disappears in our lives it means that the space is being made for something MUCH better, mark my words. HP is making things better for you! hugs, J.
I'm so sorry about this. Sometimes life just kicks us when we are down. 22 years in the same job is exceptional. Lots of places would kill for that kind of loyalty.
Ask your company if they are going to offer you job help. If not call the Labor Department and ask for help. They have many courses and resources to help displaced workers. That's what they are there for. I know this is scary, but take a deep breath. Say the Serenity Prayer. Take a few days off from this to regroup. Then hit it head on. You'll be just fine. Age is relative. Skill, talent, loyalty are all valuable assests in the work force. I have great faith in you. All will be well. Meanwhile hug that sweet granddaughter of yours for me. Much love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Maybe this isn't the worst thing in the world. Many times, when people lose their job, they spend the time going to meetings, working the steps, volunteering, and looking for a new job. They learn that they can count on God. I feel as if you have come to depend on your job to fufill all your needs. It is very scary to be unemployed. I nreality, it is one of the scariest things, but t is one of the best things that ever happened to me. As I spent two years looking for a job, I built up a program that I could have never built up any other way. I also came to see that many people who do not have this experience do not mature in a way that allows them to see the real big problems in the true perspective, so all the little things in life throw them off--they get all undone over small things, rather than dealing with the big ones, and they sure don't work the program do deal with either of them. I also feel as if you're depending on earth things to take care of you. The program says that if we work it with everytthing we've got, we're gonna see that no matter what, the end of the world can come and we're gonna be ok. We're gonna see that no matter who loves us, leaves us, dies or drinks, we're gonna be ok because our higher power is in control. We're also able to come and see that no matter what, we're alot stronger than we think we are. I feel also as if a little perspective is important. I work in a food bank, and, because of the economy collapse, we're seeing an entirely different set of people than ever before. We're seeing people with MBA's and advanced degree's asking us to help them pay their bills. We're seeing people who used to be big time donor's in food and money asking us to help them file for food stamps and give them a monthly food stipend, because their house is in forclosure. We're seeing people who had big time jobs with the military finding themselves out of work and needing to be referred to job servvicing agencies, because they've been working at the same job for 20 & 30 years too, and now they're applying for a greeter position at Wal Mart. You're not alone, you're not the first, you're not the last. I really think it's important to remember this. I'm also hearing that you're getting something before you leave. Alot of the people we're servicing are getting a two week notice and nothing else. No money. Their 401(k) is gone. Their savings are gone. Everything. So, really, you're making out alot better than some. None of this is to minimize or dimiss your pain. It's very real and very deep. But I think it's important to look at the big picture. All these small details will add up to be an experience that will make you a richer person that can be a better person, if you choose to be.
((((Becky))))) I wish I could say something to lift the weight that you are feeling right now-It must be horrible what you are going through, not to mention scarey. But considering you are here, on these boards, I am betting you have been through horrible and scarey before, haven't you? And you've made it out the other side correct? So that is what you'll do again this time. You'll greive and cry and deal with all those other feelings that none of us really care for, then you'll regroup and then you'll remember that there is NOTHING you can not handle with HP by your side!
This too shall pass my friend. Take extra good care of you right now ok? You matter to so many of us here! Keeping you in my thoughts, as a single mom, I know how hard it is......
keep coming back shelly
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
You've had quite a journey, and are a survivor! I like the responses you've received here. Probably the greatest lesson I have learned from my HP over the past couple of years is that if I move forward to do the next right thing to take care of myself (whether I "want" to or not), HP will meet me and good things happen. Usually, the results are far greater than anything I could have imagined.
Take a deep breath and keep moving forward. You can do this. I am glad you shared with us.
Blessings, Lou
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
I feel strengthened by the incredible faith here, great posts!
I'm sorry about this change in your life Becky. Change doesn't come easy, I know. As I read your post, I was reminded that ultimately... I cannot see where I EVER got any real security from this world. My 26-year marriage fell apart, we are just about to go into foreclosure, and there is no retirement account left. Poof, it's all gone. I've learned that I cannot make any PERSON or any THING more important than my Higher Power. In al-anon, I have learned to how to find real security, real serenity.
Fear of economic insecurity hasn't left me entirely. I need to keep up with my meetings to help me keep the faith. I cannot do it alone.
Sometimes I wish a man would come along and rescue me, I just don't believe there is real security there, it certainly hasn't worked so far. Anyway, I want my HP to take care of me. My HP loves me. And HP owns the Whole Universe !!!!!!!!!!! The Whole Universe Becky!!!!!!
I am grateful that I don't have to walk this journey alone. All shall be well. ((((Hugs))))
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
Well, when I wrote all that mushy stuff about what "I want him to do" OF COURSE I don't tell him....cos if I were he, I would run too! I just wrote it from my gut, to tell where I'm coming from how my feelings are scattered all over the floor, with no rhyme or reason to any of it....ACK!!! Of course, I don't want to go from a nice, peaceful, respectful relationship into a screaming, demanding, needy one....which is probably how it would be (there I go projecting again!!!) But, thanks for writing, any other ideas out there? I need all the help I can get! Love, Becky1
Oh Becky, I didn't mean that you WOULD act out on your emotions, however, I DID!!! I used to , when something bad happened, be sooo needy and stuff....It is a very normal reaction...I felt like I was SINKING when I lost my jobs and I was clinging to my family..Friends....And I see, now, yea, I deserved support, but I was way too needy.......Believe me, I would never work your inventory intentionally...If I offended in any way, I apologize to you....
My prayers are with you in this awful time of loss and needing to feel secure again....Women are "hard wired" re: feeling secure.....I used to beat me up over that...Now I try to rest in my HP...Work my program...Get into meets....journalize...Talk with other recovery mates and SURRENDER SURRENDER
Prayers that you find your footing REAL soon........
What do u mean u have been out of the job market for 20 yrs , you have been a loyal employee , that would make u valuable to any employer . You were not fired for incompetence your company is moving out of the country . Easy does it Becky u will find work , I believe that nothing in Gods world happens by mistake there is a silver linning here , just gotta find it . A h the boy friend , if only he could promise to love u forever and take care of you , u need to take care of you first he is a bonus in your life not your reason for living . Do the foot work Becky u will find the job u need , I know we don't like change much but sometimes it's a good thing . Keep positive attitude don't become a victim and u will be just fine . Louise
All these wonderful replies make me remember why I love you all sososososo! Much! Thanks for all the ESH....I'll be needing more shortly, so stay tuned! Love, Becky1
I'm calling a blessing in disguise here. Something good is going to come your way just try not to stress and ride it through. Sounds like you should probably wait until after the summer to start looking and 22 years of severance should be quite a lump to live on for a good little while. I have no idea where you are or how the economy is in your area but I would say that if it were me I would be trying to get rid of monthly payments right now, paying off credit cards, car loans, etc until it's the bare bones payments every month. Start downsizing now and then you'll be able to live on less for a while. Also, you know that you have severance coming, you know you'll have unemployment after that for a long time, probably up to a year. I sell stuff on ebay on the side, it's tax free and it really helps to have that little extra. Also doing a job that gets tips, deliver pizzas or wait tables and the tips are not reported. Just a few little nuggets of CG survival skills... This will work out for you, I just know it! One door doesn't close without another one opening.
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