The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am the daughter of an alcoholic. My boyfriend is also, in my definition, an alcoholic. I have noticed that in the past year, I might also be an alcoholic. However, when I went to an alanon meeting, I could relate to everything they were saying about the frustrations and the effects that growing up in an alcoholic household can have on your personality. I could definitely benefit from alanon.
However, I think, because I've learned to cope with my stressors with substance abuse, I could definitely benefit from AA. The thing is, though, when I went to Alanon, one of the first things they said to me was that is was not a group for the alcoholic...strictly for the people affected by the alcoholic.
I feel that I am both an alcoholic and a person affected by an alcoholic. I was thinking of maybe going to both meetings, or should I do AA and then Alanon?
I think you'll find the programs very similar, in most ways....
"Both" is an option, but they are usually not done concurrently (certainly not at the beginning of your recovery).... If you need AA, I would encourage you in that direction first..... there will be plenty of time for Al-Anon as you progress in your AA recovery.....
Take care Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
I can see where this might be confusing for you. Some A's do start in AA/NA and then come to Al-Anon, here they are called "double winners" b/c you "win" in both programs.
You may be ACoA like I am (adult child of alcoholic/addict) where you grew up in this dysfunction. It is highly posibble that you could be an A or not. I did sit in some AA/NA meetings with my best friend 24 years ago when she became clean & got recovery. I sure learned a lot in those rooms. Of course (birds of a feather) I did question whether I was an A or not. What I learned there was, that it is up to each individual to question themselves and determine if they are an A or not.
If you think both programs would benefit you, then that is likely the case. However, you will have seperate issues in each. I dont have ESH, as to whether it is confusing or less confusing to go through one & then the other, IMHO, that is up to you, like I said, if you think it would help, it probably would. You have to figure out what's best for you, we're all different. That is one of the beautiful things about this program, it for us.
I determined that I was self-destructive & was abusing myself but I had no complusions to drink or drug. My use also never stopped me from experiencing my feelings. Still, listening & learning in AA/NA (I especially liked NA) helped me put things in perspective and gain a better understanding over my A's.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
Well, good. I think that, through both meetings, I can finally overcome what has been making me feel like an outsider my whole life.
Because of the way I grew up, I had always wanted to avoid the embarrassing situations my family would put me in if I ever had friends over, so I never had many friends...only select ones that I thought would be able to understand my situation.
Then, as I grew older, because I didn't belong to a group, I found a group of friends, and what we have in common is partying. What started out as a couple of afterwork drinks turned into an almost daily thing. Next thing I know, I'm blacking out and wrecking my car...etc. The anxiety and lack of self-esteem/need to be perfect is relieved by alcohol/pills, etc. I use to relieve the feelings that alanon could relieve. So, once I get clean, I think I'll go to alanon in order to learn how to deal with those feelings more effectively.
-- Edited by cidiera on Monday 11th of May 2009 10:31:38 AM
can u do both ? someone said double winners are welcome , true if thier sober and working an a program of recovery , if u feel u have a drinking problem , I feel AA would benefit you more right now sobriety must be a priority . Only U know if you have a drinking problem and only U can decide to seek sobriety , I do know that sober things will become much clearer . Good luck to you . Louise
You reminded me of myself as a child when you mentioned about "Selecting Friends that could 'understand" and yes when I grew older, I did the same exact thing... I was the life of every party out there, black'n out, anxiety and lack of self esteem... And I do consider myself to still carry the banner as alcoholic.. I am also an ACOA, my Afather could be the most loving, caring, fun person in the world, and the next have my mother strung up by her neck.. I know those struggles well...
I can't tell you what is "best" for you..Only you can do that... But I do know that since I started this program some months ago, I will not say I haven't had a drink, that would be a lie. I can say that I now Respect myself, and what I allow to happen to me, I own WHO I am and what I want to be...And 90% of that comes from Al-Anon... The other 10% I am working on...
Keep Coming Back, Keep Working the boards, but yes... Find you a meeting no matter what you deside, the benifit will be well worth the journy...
Love & Prayers Take what you like and leave the rest Jozie :)
It sounds as if you have made a good decision. Let AA be your primary program for awhile- feel stable enough in your sobriety and then come to alanon to tackle the feelings that have been with you since childhood. Sounds like a great plan
You are always welcome. Please come back here and share how you are doing.
I think it is helpful to attend both- I know MANY "Double winners" who are members of BOTH fellowships.
I am in Al-anon because of my Alkie brother whom I am close to..AND al-anon, again, for being married to two Alkies whom I have since divorced..The last one was nice to me, but nevertheless his disease impacted me, and sadly, I had to leave him..........and coda and acoa for MY issues with now dead alkie parents who harmed me greately....I am a "triple winner"
I thought I was an alkie , but , thank God, I was only using it to numb my pain..Soon as recovery "took root" I lost the need to "numb out" and can drink A beer or A glass of wine and not even WANT to get drunk....I have to do meds because I have ptsd, however I "low dose" it as much as I possibly can......
but yea, its GREAT going to several 12 steps programs and posting, sharing, meets, et al.....I am a "tripple" winner......
-- Edited by rosielightshines on Monday 11th of May 2009 01:52:16 PM
