The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So last night I got a group of girlfriends togather to spend the night at my parents' empty condo for a pre-Mother's Day celebration. Just something special for us moms so we can spend a night relaxing, hanging out, and having fun.
I got home this morning and was greeted by my husband whose first words were "I have good news and bad news." I asked, "what's the good news?" He said, Happy Mother's Day" (not very enthusiastically I might add). Then I asked, "what's the bad news?" He said, "the stove broke." We have a flat, glass top stove and he dropped something on it last night and it shattered.
You know the funny thing? I wasn't even upset about the stove. When you hear the phrase "bad news" around our house these days, it really could've been a lot worse. Who knows, maybe the program is actually starting to work for me?
So that was it, that was my Mother's Day greeting. No REAL "Happy Mother's Day," no cards, no flowers, no candy, NOTHING. Now I'm not saying that I expected all of those things, but at least one of them would've been nice. At one point he went out into the garage and brought a small bag into the house and into the bedroom (I'm assuming they were my Mother's Day cards). I'm not quite sure why he couldn't fill them out last night when I wasn't home? At any rate, I still haven't received them.
Long story short, we were getting ready to go out to brunch (something we had planned the other day). After he got ready, I found him laying on the bed for quite a while. When it came time to leave, my husband was in the bathroom with the door closed, and after a few attempts to see if he was ready o go and see if he was ok, he basically said to go without him. I said "ok" and left.
So here I was celebrating Mother's Day brunch, just my 3-year old son and me - ALONE! I was somewhat OK with it, but still very hurt and pissed off. When we got back home, my husband was asleep, so I packed up a few things and my son and I are spending the night at my parents' condo. We're going to have a fun afternoon - we'll use the pool and hot tub at the condo complex and then we'll have something fun for dinner. Afterall, he's the reason I'm celebrating Mother's Day, so he's the only one I need to celebrate with.
YOU SAY____Now I'm not saying that I expected all of those things, but at least one of them would've been nice.
ROSIE SAYS____ Now THIS is great program work.....NO expectations or Low expectations, yea, it would be nice if we all got treated better, but the fact that we have low or no expectations, keeps us out of resentment mode......I look at each person in my life and their patterns...some I can expect pretty good stuff....some ok...some low....some zero and the "zero's" i keep in the larger (further away from me) circle in my life.......like ok they are there, but not on my front burners of my life/heart.........yea, "expectations" even though I deserve lots of them, just , with some folks, UNrealistic.......
You know its funny how our A's can really try and put a damper on our holidays,but you did the right thing, you went and enjoyed yourself. You made it about you and your son.. That is good. I hope you have a good time at your parents and enjoy this day with your son.
Sounds like NO ONE ruined your holiday- you went on and had a fine time and that is what it looks like when you work this program so NICE WORK missy!!!! Hugs, J.
One of the first Alanon meetings I went to was in November five years ago. The first words out of my mouth were "only an A can F@$#-up Christmas. I was soooo angry and disappointed in his selfishness. He had announced to me that he was leaving the marriage. They don't get it because of the disease. Life goes on. Happy Mother's Day to you and your son!
Sounds to me that you had a great Mother's Day. You took care of your needs and felt no shame in not including hubby. Like you said, this holiday was for you and you did what you needed to do for yourself.
I say "Good for you. You have come a long way". Glad your day was good,
__________________
Clara
------------------------------------ What don't kill you, makes you stronger!!!
Those expectations are really hard to let go of. I'm glad you understand that it isn't personal that he didn't fulfill them. The hardest attitude to accept and adopt for me is that the only person that can ruin my day is me. You seem to have put that idea into practice this Mother's Day, and made the best out of it. Inspirational!
Nancy - I just had to laugh at what you said because I deal with this kind of stuff around Christmastime every year! What's so stressful about Christmas???? LOL!
