scared of summer :( - Al-Anon Family Group

tweety23 · Veteran Member

scared of summer :(

debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

ONE day at a time is a skill that is a lifesaver Tweet. We have NO idea what the summer or the next day will bring. We have no idea what skills we will bring into play when things get rough.

You have us to guide you. Summer fun can be that. What he does is no reflection on you.

I invite you to stop counting drinks and taking his inventory. Just becuz we are involved with someone we do not have the right to police them.

You have a right to go to these things and think of YOU. Feel the sun on your body, smell the air, smile. Love the A, ignore the disease!

They are sick. I learned to think of him that way so I could look at him with compassion. I still do.

I see the drunk homeless at the park and smile at them. Often they talk to me, I walk a dog or two there. It is very nice. It is rare that regular people will talk. But these guys are so nice to me.

I see them as humans, not drunks.

It took me a long time, I do not worry ever. Gma taught me to say concerned. Worry is a waste of time.

Take a breath,drop your elbows, picture good things.

When we really let it go,give it to hp, it is so freeing.

I like to put my obstacle into the serenity prayer. I invite you to try that.

Much love,glad you are here!! debilyn

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

Hello Tweety , please if your not already attending al anon f2f find a few meetings and make new friends who understand your fears and will help u work thru them . You are not responsible for your husbands behaivor , your taking on the shame of this disease and it dosent belong with you . Your not the reason he drinks , learn to detach from his behaivor and start to enjoy your friends and the great fun to be had at bbq's again . There is nothing u can do to stop him , so its time to get your life back on track so that u can enjoy again . Please find meetings for yourself , your worth the effort . Louise

kitty · ~*Service Worker*~

(((( hugs ))))

Focus on you, what you like, what you want to do, your program -- leave AH to his devices, dont sweat what he is or is not doing -- detach from his behavior & focus on you & you will be much happier. WE can't control, change or fix them, may as well give him to HP and work on you and get busy enjoying yourself & your summer!

Jozie · ~*Service Worker*~

Tweetie (((((HUGS)))))

WELCOME TO THE MIP FAMILY :)

You are at the right place.. :) I agree with all the ESH above, you should put your focus on you and the NOW only... When I get to a point of obsessing on the "What If" or "When Will it happens", I put my self right now. You are not promised tomorrow, no one is... So enjoy your day today, and let tomorrow come as it may...

I also I think that F2F "Face to Face" meetings would be a wonderful thing for you ;) If you want to make plans, find a meeting in your area, and get yourself involved :) It is nice to have an hour a day or week to look forward too, and I know when I am at my F2F meetings that I am Focusing on Me and not them...

I was told to attend (6) meetings before I disided yes/no for me.. And I am so glad I did, the people there SOOO get me, and except me, and understand my struggles and I have made some great friends along the way, and when I am focusing on me, my life seems to get better... One Day At A Time :)

I hope that you keep coming back and sharing your story, for we all have something to share, and sometimes, for me, reading others struggles, and battles it gives me strength, to move forward, and not focus on the past...

Good luck to you :) And Your Recovery from his Disease ... You got this... Take what you like and leave the rest... :)

Hugs & Prayers

Jozie

tweety23 · Veteran Member

Thanks everyone!! I feel better just reading your responses :)

I have attended a f2f meeting and really liked it but it is hard for me with childcare. Hopefully I can find another.

What if you are in a small house together.. and can't go anywhere else because the baby is sleeping.. how do you avoid/detach from it all. if i could leave the house i could go for a walk to a meeting, or visit a friend but its hard when its in your face KWIM??

kitty · ~*Service Worker*~

You're right, it is really hard when you are under each others skin & in each other's face constantly, in a small space. But here's the thing ~ if u can focus on just YOU (not him) and learn to apply detachment (and I didnt get there until I set & followed through on boundaries) where you are -- you will be able to do it anywhere. yes, it can be more difficult when you have the constant reminder -- but for me being so hopelessly codpendent, I was constantly obsessing on my A's anyway, whether I saw them or not. When your thought go to him, simply bring them back to you. No amount of thinking, wishing, worrying will change them & it is a waste of our precious energy. Change your fixation from him to YOU -- you will still have someone you can work to fix -- YOU and you will appreciate your own hard work & love.

Once I began to discover what self-love was for me, I was no longer looking to others to fulfill me b/c it came from within. Even my insecurities are now beginning to dissipate.

We're all supporting you! You can do it! and you're worth it!

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