The material presented
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I think I've spent my entire life stewing in resentment. Lately I've had to suffer someone in my class who seethes with resentment day and night. He can't bear to see anyone live when he is so unhappy. I don't doubt he's an alcoholic as there are many signs there. I have to say I had no idea how hard it was to be around because I've felt like a victim all my life. I don't think I had any idea how insidious the karpman triangle is.
I have to work super hard each day to not be resentful. I no longer feel resentful towards the ex A day and night as I did. If I don't watch it though I can collect resentments very very easily. I know I feel better when I don't collect them but its total automatic pilot for me to feel like a victim.
I can really relate to this ~ I have noticed the same thing with negativity in general. Now that I am positive & working very hard to be that way, I am uber sensitive to negative people. I can't imagine how awful I was to be around before, being depressed, suicidal and resentful also. All I can do is be extra grateful for where I am now. It does seem like when I can focus on gratitude that it overwhelms &/or dissipates any negativity inside of me, like I can't be unforgiving & grateful simultaneously. The more gratitude I can feel & express, it seems like the more I have.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
I have to work super hard each day to not be resentful. I no longer feel resentful towards the ex A day and night as I did. If I don't watch it though I can collect resentments very very easily. I know I feel better when I don't collect them but its total automatic pilot for me to feel like a victim.
Maresie.
i hear ya on the "working super hard on NOT to be resentful".....what i do is take care of me RIGHT away on the "current" offenses/hurts against me....speak up my feelings, and be done with it....if i "stuff it" i just bloat up with resentment...sometimes i just have to cut the person off if it is real bad...... and yea, i can relate to the victim thing....i fight it EACH DAY....from life...from people....from just living, i have to fight off the mistaken belief that i am a victim.......another thing i do is when someone does something against me, i take it up with them right away...like tell them what they did and how it impacted me and what amends we need to do to get along......that way i may be a victim for a short while, but NEVER a "volunteer" in that i keep letting them mess me over...
i hope this post made sense, i just wanted you to know that i can totally relate to what you are saying here....i am in the same situation about the "piling up of resentments" and what i do to keep them down...........please take what you can use and dump the rest.........peace , rosie
One way I find of dealing with people who constantly annoy or frustrate me is to simply go out of my way not to deal with them. The less contact I have the better. I think I must have not felt I had choices in the past. Now I do.
One way I find of dealing with people who constantly annoy or frustrate me is to simply go out of my way not to deal with them. The less contact I have the better. I think I must have not felt I had choices in the past. Now I do.
Maresie.
YEP...."the less contact the better".....sometimes the "shelf life" doesn't work for me and i gotta "cut em loose" say "God/HP bless" and walk away......life is just too short to go "purchase" pain........ and yea, NOW we got choices.....blessings, Rosie
((maresie)) I share that dysfunction - looking to the wrong people to validate and accept me when they couldn't even validate and accept themselves. Good thing I found Alanon and MIP! I'm slowly changing my behavior to not look to the A for that acceptance and validation. I can find it within the program.
My dysfunction was in trying to get such people to listen to me! I used to think it was worth my effort.
Maresie.
Oh yea, i felt like i was always "pleading my case"....they just HAD to see things my way, lol....oh yea, i can relate.....as i recover i realize that is OK if they don't agree/listen to me.........
Hi Maresie, I finally "got" that I needed to do a whole lot more of what I loved to do in order for the resentments to wash away/out of me and this also made me a happier, brighter, more interesting person all around. I needed to follow my bliss and "do what I like" ALOT (I still do). Now, people can just be who they are and it does not affect me that much. Because I do what I like alot of the time. I put myself first, FIRST, not ANYONE else. Its working pretty good so far! Hugs, J.
I do spend a lot of time on self care. I am working on it. The dental work is a huge part of it. I also have to find a way to live around dysfunctional people.
I saw this posted elsewhere and it helped me tremendously:
RESENT SOMEBODY
The moment you begin resenting a person, you become his slave. He controls your digestion, robs you of your peace of mind and good will, and takes away the pleasure of your work. He ruins your religion and nullifies your prayers. You cannot take a vacation without his going along. He destroys your freedom of mind and hounds you wherever you go. There is no way to escape the person you resent. He is with you when you are awake; he invades your privacy when you sleep, He is close beside you when you eat, when you drive your car, and when you are on the job. You can never have efficiency nor happiness. He influences even the tone of your voice. He requires you to take medicine for indigestion, headaches and loss of energy. He even steals your last moment of consciousness before you go to sleep. So, if you want to be a slave, harbor your resentment.
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Worried people find problems, concerned people solve them.
