The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I went to my first AlAnon meeting when I was married to abusive/Active/dry drunk EXAH-I never went back, why I'm not sure but I think because I wanted a quick fix for EXAH that I didn't get.
My second meeting,about a year later, was after he and I split up-I never went back-I figured no A=No problem-I didn't need to be there.
My third meeting, almost 11yrs later I think, was after a bad break up with EXABF(though I did start working the program online almost 3 months before we split up) I'm still going, though he is not in the picture anymore. I'm pretty damamaged right now, I know that, but will I need to be in the program for the rest of my life? Sometimes I think "without a doubt", other times I wonder....
My question is......
How many of you are still in AlAnon, even though the A that you were with (the one who likely "sent" you here, for lack of a better word), is no longer a part of your life? And how long have you been in the program?
How many are still with the A?
Thanks for sharing your stories, your recovery and your ESH. Your friend in recovery shelly
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
I need al-anon because the problem isn't the alcoholics in my life, the problem is ME.
In every area of my life, it has helped make me a better person. A better mom, daughter, sister, neighbor, employee and friend.
The meetings keep me spiritually fit. When I am spiritually fit, I can handle anything with grace. I plan to go forever despite the divorce from my AH.
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
I first landed in al-anon 24 years ago. I came diligently for three years & I let it slip away b/c I thought I was "ok" at the time & I felt like I was done with A's. I had a 17 year slip in which I didnt have any program. (To me program means, I'm working it daily).
Being acoa, of course this is not true. All the A's in my family & my own upbringing by a severe codependent, assured me that I would pick up the tendencies & traits. If I stay away from this forum for a while... my inherent traits take over & I begin to slip. So it seems that no matter what, I need to keep grounded in al-anon, so that I can continue to practise being healthy & not codependent. Basically, my life depends on my participation here, so I plan to keep it up as I do better. It's kind of like food, I need a little everyday to keep going & getting more practise at acting in a mentally healthy way.
Today, with a program, I can think before I react. I may feel the desire to react inside but I can just sit with it and actually think of what action will be best for me in the long run. Giving myself options ensures me that I can have healthy choices & not just react at a gut level to something with very often is an ego conflict.
A year ago, my current b/f asked me when I would be able to stop participtaing in al-anon. I quickly told him, I would always have to use al-anon, so he could accept that or not ~ it was a firm boundary b/c I know what happens if I'm not in program. Turns out he didnt have a problem with me being in al-anon.
-- Edited by kitty on Wednesday 6th of May 2009 11:22:53 AM
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
The A in my life is my (now ex) wife, who has been sober for six years. We split soon after she got sober... I still see her on occasion, as we share our children on a one week on, one week off basis. I attended Al-Anon regularly up until about three years ago, and then I faded away.... I still go to the odd meeting, but only rarely. I find that posting and reading on this board is a reasonable substitute at this point in my recovery (although I know deep down that Al-Anon can still help me a lot).
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Hi Shelley I have been in alanon for over 25 years. Some of those living with active alcoholism some living with recovering alcoholics and lome living on my own. I would never choose to leave alanon meetings because I know I the tools of this program have enriched my life to such an extent that I do not ever want to loose it.
I believe my disease, like the alcoholic is only arrested and never cured. I need this program to continue to live life on a spiritual basis. For me there is no other way.
-- Edited by hotrod on Wednesday 6th of May 2009 03:37:35 PM
Jerry F, program birthday 2/8/1979. No longer married to a practicing alcoholic addict and without intending had been married to two before program with all other relationships actively qualified in the disease of addiction. I did then what I knew best...I don't now without program. I don't live as a hermit and in a cave. I am out there while no long being "out there". The program works as it says, "In all my affairs". Since I will always have memory of my my life with my alcoholic my alcoholic will always be a part of my life (all of them). It wasn't their fault, it was my reaction. There is nothing about Al-Anon that I find objectionable or not necessary in my present, one day at a time 24/7 life. It is not somewhere I go but something I do. Most of the people around me in my life today including my 3rd wife...mostly love and even like me. Thanks Al-Anon Family Groups.
I learned about God or a Power Greater than myself in the first 37years of my life. I never actually met my HP until I got into program and then could hear my HP and then see how, where and when HP works in my life and the lives of others. I've got no place I'd rather be than right up next to my HP and the people HP uses and instruments.
Like you have experienced in the past...It is after you leave that you find the need to come back. Better you not leave?
(((((hugs)))))
I'm glad you've stuck around
-- Edited by Jerry F on Wednesday 6th of May 2009 02:55:02 PM
I got into Al-Anon about 6 months after my then wife began attending AA meetings. That was on April 17, 2004. In December of that same year she moved out and filed for divorce.
Soo....8 months in program with her.....4yrs 5 months without her, or any other active alcoholic living with me.
I get questions from my mother, and my friends (I make no secret of my program) as to why I still go after so much time away from the Alcoholic.
Very simply, because Al-Anon has become Life-Anon to me. I use what I learn here every single day of my life. It helps me at work, at home, with friends, with family, with the guy or gal down at the grocery store.
It gives me the opportunity daily to get a reprieve from my own distorted thinking.
Do I "have" to go to Al-Anon for the rest of my life? Absolutely not!
Do I want to? Right now I can't image a time that I will not want to. Miracles happen every day in al-anon meetings and outside of meetings to my family in recovery. I don't want to miss any of them.
Last night I sat in my home group's small meeting...there were seven of us there. 2 of those, were newcomers, struggling with their 22 yr old son's disease. We held them in our hearts for an hour, listened to them, and shared our experience, hope and strength with them. They left that meeting so much lighter than when they walked in.
So did I.
Al-Anon is working miracles in my life daily. Why in the world would I want to give that up for any reason and go back to being the miserably sad, confused person responsible for the well being all of humanity I used to be?
I started with Alanon when my brother A left my home. I grew up in an alcholic home, mother was an alcoholic, looking back, binge drinking chronic, my two brothers are alcoholics and my ex-a is an a heavy drinker if not an a, My life became unmanageable because of alcoholics and alcohol and even when they were not there I threw myself into bad situations and made some poor choices, I suppose I never knew what normal was really,
I started al-anon 4 years ago when my marriage was heading south. I went because of me, not because of him. I have a disease. I am the only one who can deal with it. I will never stop attending al-anon meetings because I LOVE attending them. Hugs, J.
Can't offer the ESH on this one for without you I would have never found this place at all, and would still be living in my past nightmare that was then out of control... I hope to be in this program as long as they will have me :)
SO I just wanted to Say Thank You For Leading Me Here, and For Helping me Find My Way :)
How many of you are still in AlAnon, even though the A that you were with (the one who likely "sent" you here, for lack of a better word), is no longer a part of your life? And how long have you been in the program?
How many are still with the A?
Thanks for sharing your stories, your recovery and your ESH. Your friend in recovery shelly
Hey Shelly....i am in it for life......my abuser is dead....a brother is at a distance....but ya know???? i was sooo sick, i stick with the program because it is my "life 101" manual......even when i come to the point where i am "done with it" and i see it happening for me...........there is a thing called MAINTENANCE...
like, ok...i am athlete....i am in good physical shape, however, if i don't maintain it, i'll get flabby and weak and not feeling so good.....so , yea, to me???? program is for LIFE..........and it does not have to be painful....i have met soooo many cool people and ya know??? the healthiest people to me are "12 steppers"......
i hope this made sense..................friends in recovery, rosie
The A is out of my life. But the skills from Alanon are an endless treasure to me.
My toolbox overflows...
Was wanting to die, lost, laying on my back deck sobbing. Mother had just died, it was in 2000. A thought went thru my mind about online alanon. HP is good.
we had a group then that would stay up almost all night together goofing around in the chat room. It was an amazing experience. I have one very very good friend still from those times.
TT, Abbyal and I have been here for many,many years.
I cannot leave this site, feels like home to me. Plus I learn so much from everyone.Even though I am a Jehovah's Witness I find this place to be very clean,safe and healthy.
How many other sites can you find where profanity,gossip, conflict are not tolerated?
I have rarely had to ban anyone.
It is humbling to be of service here. love,debilyn
This is a very good question and one I have wondered about also.
In my viewpoint, I don't have a "disease", I married a person with a disease and I just didn't have the skills set to deal with such a devastating disease that causes so much dysfunction. Alcohol makes people sick in many ways, physically, mentally, and true long term alcoholics often suffer from underlying untreated mental conditions. The mentally ill act out and it can be difficult to deal with if you don't understand the nature of their illness.
In my view, I learned unhealthy coping mechanisms for dealing with my alcoholic husband, and as i grew more and more isolated from his antics, I sort of lost touch with "real life". Alanon was very helpful for me to reclaim myself and get back to what I was. I learned that I can't cure mental and physical illness with kindness and understanding and that the best way to try and help the situation was to RELEARN healthy coping behaviors.
Alanon helped me to reclaim MY life and put myself first once again.
If there is not a point that you "recover' than where is the hope in alanon? If you stay "sick" forever, what would be the point of alanon? It would just be a whine session and it is NOT.
Unlike our alcoholics, our condition is not permanat, we don't suffer from a physical illness, an addiction, or even a mental illness. Although just like many A's, alanoners also can suffer from some underlying mental illness. But that has nothing to do with alanon, mentall illness can't really be treated with self help effectively. That is the pitfall of most alcholics, they try to self treat and end up in big trouble with addictions. We know better, and seek professional help as needed, that is taking care of ourselves as alanon encourages.
For me, alanon did what it promised, it taught me tools to deal with the very complex and baffling behavior of an alcoholic, it helped me reclaim my life that had become centered around curing my alcoholic, and it helped me to relearn the fact that I can only control ME.
I am no longer that active in alanon, i go occasionally as the mood strikes me, to see old friends, and to offer the hand of hope by sharing ESH with newcomers like so many did for me. But I have not forgotten the things I have learned.
I had goals when I went to alanon, and that was to get my life back, my healthy happy life i had before I married my A. Once i got that, I was happy and felt fulfilled. I purposefully surrong myself with healthy people who ARE NOT A's and don't have A's in their lives, at least not that they talk about.
That is recovery for me, that my life no longer has alcoholics in it, or friends who are emotional wrecks dealing with alcoholics. I know many of them may have A's in their lives, but they are not losing themselves in that fact and don't talk about them.
I know everyone is different and has different needs, but that is the role that alanon had in my life, it gave me my life BACK, and once it did, I sort of moved on, except for this site which gives me the needed "tune-ups" I need once in a while.
