The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
As in previous post from me, you guys know Daughter was in rehab. She went for 4 weeks. She can now go once a week for a year for "after care"
When I spoke to her on phone Sunday night and again on Monday morning, she was fine. I could hear it in her voice. However, by Monday afternoon, I could hear the alchol in her voice.
In earlier conversations, she was light and lively. By 5 p.m. I could detect the heavey voice of hers that she uses when she is drunk.
I am just watching her spirial down again and again. I want my daughter back. My greatest fear is that I will have to bury my daughter. I know I will out live her if she continues up this live style.
I am trying so hard not to spirial down into my deep dark depression. I am fighting with myself to keep from calling her. I don't want to know if she is drunk this morning. So, I will try to go back to my Polyanna world and hope for the best.
Thanks for letting me vent. Love you guys.
__________________
Clara
------------------------------------ What don't kill you, makes you stronger!!!
Oh Clara my heart sunk for you and your dear daughter.
I don't know who she went to for rehab but 4 weeks is criminal. 90 days is not enough.
Am sure she did learn a lot. We can only hope that someday she will get herself back into a good program someday. Remember almost always it takes more than one rehab.
We cannot cure them. Detachment is the key for us. What I did was learn to tell myself when I thought of my loved one to ask hp to please watch over them and let it go.
Then work on loving that person, period with out thinking of nurturing and saving.. we can't anyway. sorry my fingers are bad today.
It takes practice and time, does not happen overnight to change our very strong parenting instinct. even though my son and daughter are not A's I still have to tell myself they are adults and I can no longer protect them,but I can love them to death..(o:
I call and say OH I was just calling to see what ya been up to. Or just a quick call to tell you I love you.They really just need us to check in.
My son has been so busy that I don't see him for weeks, I am getting better about accepting it.
If we can separate our child from the disease, and seriously listen to the voice and words not the disease, not thinking about the slur or whatever.
Keep making that connection.It is sort of like one with cancer. the person is NOT The cancer but still your loved one.
I had a friend with AIDS. He did not know I knew. I could see the progression, the horror of his body deteriorating, but never mentioned it nor did i really focus on it. Focused on the silly friend I loved.
IT was a great learning experience. This way I was able to be with him until he passed.
Anyway we cannot stop what may happen. I can tell you it is amazing to me how long A's live doing what they do. I know you want your sweet daughter back. however for now, maybe you can teach yourself to love the parts you see and love.
There are so many things we cannot control. For me learning that changed my life. Not worrying, is an amazing thing.Does not mean I am all happy, etc .But there is a serenity, a calmness and maybe a bit of sadness. But I am not waiting for the phone to ring, or hunting or wondering.
I got that call in 1981. Lost my first husband to an accident when he was drunk and walking. It is and was horrible. I could not change it, still grieve.But now know I will see him again, well I have hope I will.
Anyway sigh can get to meetings? People would love to comfort you.
I can understand. I watched the ex A spiral down. I don't know if you have a chance but go to an open AA meeting. Somehow hearing recovering alcoholics might make you see that anything is possible for your daughter.
I know obsessing was one I coped. I had to really work on detachment. I don't think it comes easily to anyone. The more you do it the better you get at it.
I think it might be wise to realize that your daughter isn't dead yet. we don't know what god has planned for another human being. We are responsibile for ourselves. Remember, each of us has our own higher power. Eventually, your daughter's higher power will interviene for her. Step out of it's way.
i am losing my girl to drugs....can't help her and after i did like 2 years of dark grieving, i just had to LET GO!! give her to God
I will hear about her death, no doubt, unless she gets into recovery (crystal meth) and i can see she looks like hell.....looks older than i do....she was so beautiful at one time.....it is sad.....i hate to think i will outlive her, but it looks to be that way
i had to, to keep my sanity, LET GO....i don't enable her...if she ends up in jail, i let her sit there....she won't talk to me at all now because i will not enable her.....its like shes gone but the body is still there......no closure.....i can relate to you......i am so sorry for all of us going through this.......rosie
