not in a good place - Al-Anon Family Group

Gailey · ~*Service Worker*~

not in a good place

Robinks · Senior Member

Here is my es&h, go to as many meetings as your can, get a sponsor, read the literature, talk to others in the program, your life will get better, oh and don't forget to work the steps.

clara · Senior Member

Gail, you are living the nearly carbon copy of my life. So, I know exactly where you are coming from; and may God bless you.

My 37 year old daughter is an alcholic. She just went through treatment for about 4 weeks. Sunday when I spoke to her on the phone she seem clear headed and sober and then again on Monday morning she was fine. I had to terminate that phone call because I had to get to my Al-Anon meeting.

When I phoned her back at about 5 p,.m., I thought "Oh Lord, She is drinking". So, I can also hear it in her voice. This time she was very emotional and crying. My husband(her step dad) was even sure she was drinking after he got on the phone with her.

Her husband has kicked her out of the house. Why, I do not know. Perhaps because he is also an alcholic and could have a recovering alcholic in his house.   He drinks everyday and smoke pot.

She is currently staying with a friend of their family. This gentleman is 76 years young and has taken Jennifer under his wing. If not for him, she would be on the streets. She came here for a short period and it was horrible. I have never suffered so much emotional and verbal abuse in my life. So, never, never, never again.

So, I wish I could give you good advise; I don't even have any for myself. All I can say, is hang in there; keep coming back here. And most important, take care of yourself and your needs. I think deep down, you know what you need to do about your son. Keep coming back.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Gail,

I hear you Knowing that we are powerless over this disease does not stop the fear, anxiety and sadness that is part of that knowledge.

That is what I had to work on.

The Serenity prayer, Living one moment at a time, refusing to project into the future, and making sure that I did not get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired and meetings helped to ease all my fears. Prayers for guidance do not go unanswered.

Please take care of you.

-- Edited by hotrod on Tuesday 5th of May 2009 09:35:54 AM

kitty · ~*Service Worker*~

If your isolating - get online to the meetings, talk to people before & after. Talking about this stuff helps so much. I know how hard it is to focus on self & llook after us, it was like moving a mountain for me but I was diligent. Nothing in my life was working, I really had nothing to lose & everything to gain.

I wouldnt want to be in between my family members, have been there & done that before. i end up getting exhausted & no one else is appreciative of my efforts, it's just not worth it. I had my relationships with them but stopped delivering messages & would say, "no, you need to speak for yourself - it's your relationship" and leave it alone. You can be there to support them but being the go between is not healthy for anyone. Surely, you arent satifisifed or happy doing it either.

I really thought my sacrifices would pay off, being the martyr but it doesn't. Besides they kill the martyr in the end & that was ok when I had a death wish but once I worked on getting away from that notion - all I wanted was health in every aspect and that's what I got busy with. I knew that I had to work to give myself some self-preservation & I did. I was very depressed & isolated but being online gave me a window to the world. I used what would work for me at the time. We're all different.

Guilt & worry are serious soul killers. Forgive yourself & move on. I had to do a lot of prayer for this to work for me but I got there. You can too! Start over &/or surrender as many times a day as you have to. Give your kids to hp -- we cant help, cajole, fix, control or change them -- work on someone who will appreciate your own efforts ~ YOU.

glad lee · ~*Service Worker*~

I relate to your headline, I was not in a good place the past few weeks. I can sum it all up as intense fear and grief. I understand not wanting to move at the end of a long day. But I have learned that, this is what I need most. (Remember, this disease wants to destroy us.) So, I went to MORE meetings this past week. With a grateful heart, I want to share with you.... I feel better. I feel lighter. Nothing about my situation has changed, except my attitude. Somehow, I think there's been a transference of Grace, just by sitting with the fellowship.

Someone here told me recently, this is not a self-help program. I need HP to do for me what I cannot do for myself. I have noticed, I cannot will my fears away on my own. I have to ask HP to HELP ME surrender the fear. Help me to surrender... I am only human and I need a power greater than myself to accomplish this.

Trust HP. Trust the 12 steps. Trust the fellowship. HP loves you and wants you to know, all is well.

Karilynn · ~*Service Worker*~

(((Gailey))),

There's alot on your plate my friend. Is there any chance your granddaughters are old enough to go to Alateen? I'm sorry I don't recall how old they are. If so, perhaps you can get them to go. Or perhaps you can start talking to them about your recovery.

I know it may be hard to get to meetings, but when we really don't want to go is often when we need it the most. I have had to drag myself into some when I didn't think I could. Sometimes I just sat and listened, barely participating. That's okay. They were incredibly helpful. I did that just the other day. I just needed to be reminded that I'm not alone in this.

I will say extra prayers for your son. May he come home safely. Thank him for his service and sacrfice for his country. Thank you for your service and sacrifice too. It's not easy being a military Mom on top of everything else. Much love and blessings to you and your family.

Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty

maresie · ~*Service Worker*~

I don't blame you one bit. I don't think its up to you to solve it all.

The tools definitely help me to do as the serenity prayer says what I can and let go of the rest.

Certanly the definition of alcoholism is that they have no bottom for a long long time. For some people it is a dui as the consequences are huge.

I know all about denial as I lived with an alcoholic for 7 years.

I hope you will take care of yourself. Obsessing used to be my middle name.

Maresie.

Rita G · ~*Service Worker*~

((Gail))

oh my friend,

so much - sounds like you are definitely feeling overwhelmed!!

ONE step at a time - one little hurdle -

You have already broken the isolation by reaching out here - Try breaking a little more each time you can - by maybe calling someone from your f2f meeting - then maybe you will feel a little better about going back to a meeting in a few days/weeks.

Remember we try to live in today, Honey - FEAR about what MIGHT happen tomorrow or in the future can keep us from taking care of ourselves. but who knows - those fears may never happen. Your granddaughters can also learn how to set healthy boundaries and to take care of themselves from their wonderful grandmother!!

Deep breaths - In and out - focus on what is healthy and recovery oriented for YOU!!!!

love and HUGS,
Rita

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.