The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Since my AH has been sober he has been relying on sleeping pills to go to sleep at night every night. Before I started the program and started learning about the isms of A he told me that he needed the pills to get to sleep at night. I allowed it to go on and continued to buy them for them knowing that I shouldn't enable him. Then I realized I needed to take a stand. The other morning he asked me to pick him some pills up and I told him that I was no longer buying the pills for him and supporting his habit. He really flipped out and was extremely angry and it made me realize that this was how he would have reacted if I stopped buying him beer once all of those years. I then realized I did the right thing and it was so empowering! I didn't let his rants get to me and I detached with love and he still (2 days later) is trying to explain to me why he needs it. I then found out from my daughter last night that he had my 17 year old go to the store and buy it for him. I was wondering what I should do because I don't want my son to become his new enabler and I am concerned that he is manipulating him now to do what he wants.
If it were me I would tell son that you had decided to not buy them for your husb anymore and why - son can decide if he wants to continue purchasing them for his dad . Just my opinion . Louise
This post is a great example of why it is som important to come to these boards, read them and respond to other posts.
See the thing is, my A Hubby (sober about 45 days) is using medicine to help him sleep too. I haven't thought much about it at all. I have always needed sleep aids. Finally for me, mine are prescribed, but for many years I have taken over the counter meds. And long before I ever met my A. I have journals from when I was as young as 14 that read it's 2 am and I can't sleep.
My point is this.....when my A hubby went to rehab about a month ago, they gave him tons of prescribed meds. He doesn't take any of them now, but they did give him something to help him sleep. Is it really a big deal that someone needs a sleep aid? I know that for myself (who is not any kind of addict) sleep aids are necessary in my life. Without them I would drag through the days from many manic nights.
I don't think it is such a bad thing that an A needs a sleep aid to help them fall to sleep. A restful night may lead to a sober day.
Kitty has a good question. What is he afraid of for getting his own sleeping aids? Or maybe who is he afraid of? Hmmmm Sounds like he is still using...the family.
Bringing the situation out in front of the family with the family might help...then to might not. It's like the elephant in the living room metaphor. Is one really there or are we all imagining it.
They are over the counter pills and I didn't have a problem so much with him taking them, it was that he was using me to get them. I just wanted him to know that if he wanted to continue taking them that he needed to get them for himself. He didn't get them because we only have one car and I work every day and he has a home based business.
My theory was that if it wasn't an addiction then it wouldn't be that big of a deal for him and he would see that he should get them for himself instead of using me. When he flipped out about it like he did that was when I realized that it was more of an addiction than he realizes. Also, he has been taking them for a lot longer than just since he quit drinking....its been about a year now.
I do like the idea of talking to my son about it thought abbyal. Thank you and I'll consider that.
I would love to talk to a sponsor, but haven't found one yet. I've been going to Alanon for just over a month now.
This is scary. What if it leads to your son using and drinking? AH must have convinced son it's only for medicinal purposes but nothing else. These pills will threaten recovery. It's only a matter of time. They are not harmless, wether RX or over the counter.
AH attend AA meetings? Are there open meetings in your area? What about taking your son to open speakers' meetings and discussing the situation with recovering alcoholics at the meeting-after the-meeting?
Alanon or Alateen meeting may also be of some help for your son. He has an absolute right to realize just what his father is doing - what he is involving him in.
