The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
detaching... when i was new to this program i remember being terrified just thinkin about it... the word itself. and then the action of it...omg my my AH wasnt gonna like this! this will be the end of this program for me.... but truth is i was so determined.... that i was willing to do more reading to listen to others with their es&h on it and i found that detaching isnt to separate my self from my husband to a point he becomes hateful and spiteful of the program and sabotages me to stop it it means that as a person i have the right and am able to live my life and not have to focus alllll my thoughts and alllll my actions in a day around and about him it means i have the freedom to be with friends and to go about my day as i would if he were in my life or not. and that it doesnt change one thing about loving him. something as simple as... i can sing a little or hummm a song..(if that helps me ) to detach my mindfullness from negative thoughts i may be tryin to hang on to... ifit helpsme get past that moment that minute then im helping keep me healthy. on the inside and on the outside i do love my husband i hate this disease of alcohol and if i remind myself that it is not him . it is his decision to drink and that he has the disease of alcoholism i can put myself in a state of mind that it is what it is and i can continue to be a loving wife.. just not one that contributes to the choas the drama that surrounds the drinking. in doing that i find i have some sanity and i have some space to do things i enjoy i can read a great book or rearrange my closet and not have to sit at his side as he drinks and i dont have to pick up after him., hes an adult and its his decision to do what he does. if he decides to get help i am going to support him in his efforts but that is not something i build expectations on. i have to live my life and i am going to do just that! love my relation ship as i can .. be a kind and loving wife as i can... and detach with love as i have to that is recovery to me and sanity for me. so grateful for this wonderful 12 step program. ... and for AA being there for those that choose to find a different way for themselves tooo:))))
the acronym for DETACH: D=dont E=even T=think A=about C=changing H=him/her
change you:))))) love you:))))) take care you:))) a wonderful positive reflection to others... they're gonna want what you have!
Yes! Detachment is a wonderful Blessing I've gotten here. I started with boundaries & just focusing on me & that's where detachment started to work, I was beginning to get it. I too was afraid of the thought of it b/c attachning to my A's & b/f's was what I did. I tried to not focus on the goal or gifts of recovery b/c they were terrifying. I thought stopping obsessing & ever achieving serenity was beyond me. Once I stopped looking at that stuff & got busy w/ *me* and doing waht I could in the present, the fear went away - the obsessing ceased.
Thanks of this postivie post, I love to hear about (loving) detachment, since it can be confusing.
Hope you are doing well & loving those animals! Love you every day, thanks for being here! huggles
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
Recently my therapist told me I needed to detach with love and I was very frightened to tears.
In the past when I had to detach from him I didn't do it with love because I didn't know how. I would detach to the point that I could care less about him or whether or not he was in my life or not. Now I know, with help from the program, that I can still love him but I need to love myself and detach with love so that he can get better for himself and I can become a better me!
I could not recover until I understood and practiced detachment Detachment does not mean to sever. for me its as simple as I don't have to go on every crisis with him/her it's thier disease I can leave it with them . The problem with detachment for me was finding Balance , when ever i find something that works for me i tend to go overboard , at one time I was so detached from my husb , he had quit drinking for 3 days before I noticed ( not a good thing ) . I love our detachment pamphlet , all the info I need is on one litte page which fits into my purse ,easy to get to and has improved all of my reltiaonships when i am able to practice it .
I agree Detachment with Love has made all the difference in my life. As with all the other alanon tools, I needed to practice, practice, practice before I could accomplish this task.
At first all I could manage was to Detach with indifference. My sponser assured me that it is progress not perfection and if I contiued to work this program- the detachment with love would happen.
Your share reminded me just exactly how that did happen.
Every time I feel myself getting weak, or feeding into negativity I will remember your acronym D dont E even T think A about C changing H him
and I will derive strength from it. I was feeling very low and scared when I logged on tonight and this is exactly what I needed to kickstart myself into high gear!
thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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"Change is the essence of life. Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become."
listen to others with their es&h on it 
and i found
and not have to focus alllll my thoughts and alllll my actions in a day around and about him
love my husband
just not one that contributes to the choas the drama that surrounds the drinking.
i can read a great book or rearrange my closet and not have to sit at his side as he drinks 
)))
