The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My life has a lot of waves, just as the ocean is not always smooth. I have two sons, and both are still going through a difficult time.
I have learned to find happiness eventhough my sons are still going through a difficult journey. If I look at my own life, I can understand that I went through a lot of suffering to get to where I am today. I remind myself each day, that we all have a HP, and that we need to go through pain, and difficult experiences. before we understand the process. I have learned that the only way that I can help my sons, is to mind my own business. aww:
One of my sons, would call me at least twice a day, and tell me all of his problems that were going on in his relationship. I started to tell him, that it was just like a wheel that would keep on going around and around, yet go nowhere Each time that he began to speak about his relationship, and how badly he was treated, I would start feeling a tightness in my body. That is when I understood.... what I was feeling. Finally, I told him how I felt, and that our conversation, was making me anxious and actully sick, because there was nothing that I could do. He has not called me for a few days now, and he had ended his relationship two weeks ago. I recently heard that he was seeing his e-partner again. evileye: It is part of the sickness, and I do understand that, still I am not getting involved. It is his life, and only he, can make that decision. I am Letting go and Letting God. I read my literature everyday, I express my feelings with my sponsor, I am sharing my experience. Maybe!! it could help someone else. Thanks for listening, I am able to keep the focus on myself, and be well eventhough the ocean is stormy today.
I am happy, if my post has helped you in some way. It is never too easy, to detach from our children's problems, yet it is the only way that we can help them to see their own reality. When I used to have the solutions, they did not!! it was not helpful for them, to have control over their own reality.
My youngest son once told me, that he never expected life to be so difficult when he grew up, because I had always covered up for him, I did not allow him to fall, or enable him to standup on his own two feet, so to say. When we know better, we can do better. Letting our children assume their own responsibilites, is the best gift a parent can give to their child. Have a good day, and be well.
I’m Dewi and this is my first time posting. I’m a grateful member of al-anon for almost three years. My 16-year-old daughter’s drug problems brought me to al-anon while she spent time in Rehab; she then attended a loving nurturing therapeutic boarding school for two year where she found her recovery. While she was finding her recovery and learning gathering the tools to living, a healthy life I’m grateful I found my own recovery through Al-anon. She was my drug of choice. Finding serenity in my own life when my child had so many problems was one of the greatest challenges I've ever had as a parent. Along this journey to facilitating helping my adolescent daughter, I realized I am married to an alcoholic.
Thanks teddybear for your thought provoking post. I too can relate with my alcoholic daugter and the boyfriend choices she has made over the years. And Dewi, I wish we could have sent our daughter to a boarding school at 16 so she could have found recovery sooner. Although finding it at 18 and then again at 20 is a blessing too. I never thought of my daughter as my drug of choice but that makes sense. I just knew I became as sick as the disease. Thanks again teddy bear for your post. cdb:)
You are very welcome, and thanks for sharing your thoughts, they are very much appreciated. I read something today, and I can really relate to it. In general, it is not what happens to us that counts, yet what we do about it. The HP is a great linguist, capable of translating each prayer in terms of what is good for us.
. I started to tell him, that it was just like a wheel that would keep on going around and around, yet go nowhere
Each time that he began to speak about his relationship, and how badly he was treated,
I would start feeling a tightness in my body. That is when I understood.... what I was feeling. Finally, I told him how I felt, and that our conversation, was making me anxious and actully sick, because there was nothing that I could do. He has not called me for a few days now, and he had ended his relationship two weeks ago. I recently heard that he was seeing his e-partner again. evileye: It is part of the sickness, and I do understand that, still I am not getting involved. It is his life, and only he, can make that decision. I am Letting go and Letting God.
I read my literature everyday, I express my feelings with my sponsor, I am sharing my experience. Maybe!! it could help someone else. Thanks for listening, I am able to keep the focus on myself, and be well eventhough the ocean is stormy today