The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Yesterday my husband was a TOTAL A-HOLE. All day long he just kept being a jerk about one thing or another. Then later in the day he mentioned that his brother had invited him over to a friend's house to watch a fight (assuming boxing on pay-per-view). By that point I thought to myself "I don't care where you go as long as you're not here." So I said that I was fine with him going and spending the night (since it's a far dive), and was looking forward to him being away and me having some peace and quiet (after the 3-year old is alseep of course).
Now the people he will be hanging out with are drinkers. I asked him today, before he left, if he was planning to drink, and he said "probably." I told him I didn't like that idea and he said "I know, I'm not sure what I'm going to do."
After I while, I got to thinking. Was he being a jerk yesterday because he knew that I would want him out of the house and not give him a hard time about hanging out with his brother? Because usually he isn't such a jerk? I honestly think he planned the whole thing.
And what the heck is his brother thinking inviting him to this thing? He was here with me for 3 days before we got him into detox - he saw what kind of shape he was in. Of course he also allowed my husband to drink Natural Light beer because he figured he needed something to take the edge off and it was better than the more potent beer my husband usually drinks. UGHHHH!
I think I'm just going to enjoy this alone, quiet time and try not to think about what he's doing. I think I hear a cheesy television show calling my name.
This reads like your growing up and changing Mom!! You don't quite like the situation but you're not going to off yourself over it either. Cheesy TV shows can sometimes make you feel more human than others. It could happen!!
Are you Sure you are not married to my H...lol... After being together 10 years. I caught onto that mood thing...lol... We have now been together 14 years and I now tell him when the moods come out... I just look at him and tell him flat out... "If there is something you want to do... Go Do it, maybe then you can adjust your attitude, and if there is something you would like to talk about then lets get too it so I can get on enjoying me day"... Last time I told him that was again for about the 15th time, was about 6 months ago...
HE WOULD ALWAYS pick a fight with me, before he would go on a bender, or plan a trip with some one, because honestly I think he wanted me to feel guilty for some unknown reason..Like that was his ticket out the door.
Now that I am honest about it, and cut it off at the pass... He has a little more respect... Now Will it last for ever? I dought that... But I do know that I have a choice to get away from his Grouchy A@@ and do something with my boy, or go see my family or anything, so he can sit in his own self pity and I can go on with my day... ;) Uneffected... :) Let Go & Let GOD :)
Take what you like and leave the rest :) Hope your chessy shows were great, and your down time was ing and you learned to let it go... And Not ruin your quiet night at home...
Wish mine would visit his brother more often ...lol...:) But I have let Go :)
"he also allowed my husband to drink Natural Light beer"
No one can control or allow anyone to use or not. To invite someone over, does not mean that someone has to choose to use.
Once we separate ourselves from policing the A, watching their behavior, making them ask permission, we have met our first step in our twelve step program.
I finally learned to say, hey it is your choice. After awhile,it felt good to love my A and realize he has rights like anyone else to make his own choices just as we do.
Alanon teaches us to learn not to allow the disease to pull us in. A's manipulate,lie, are selfish.
Once we completely detach from it's tendrils, and not allow ourselves to be bothered by the disease, life is sooooo much better.
Detach detach detach. When we do that, they don't have to leave for us to get some serenity and peace.
I am not kidding, I got to where I could sit and hold hands with him even though he smelled like a brewery. Was his problem not mine. All I knew was I loved him.
If the disease was being a turkey I said okkkkkk so you are back and said goodnight or went and watched tv in my room.
But I tell ya once the disease saw I was not bothered by it, I was no fun anymore. Seems the disease thrives on pulling us into the pit where it has our A.
Anyway this is my experience. The question we ask is, "am I going to allow the disease to control ME?"
ing and you learned to let it go... And Not ruin your quiet night at home...