The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Isn't it true that an alcoholic has underlying conditions typically? This being the case, the alcohol only masks the pain of the real issue, which is an issue yet for the alcoholic to be discovered. I would think that when an alcoholic is truly ready to quit drinking it is ONLY when they are willing to face the emotional issues they've suppressed by drinking throughout the duration of their addiction. This being the case, do they quit drinking with this recognition that there are deeper emotional issues or do they quit drinking because they might lose their life. Those who are forced to quit drinking due to health conditions perhaps will still have there attitudes and traits of the disease because they have not recognized their emotional pain as being the cause of their drinking.
Just like any other addiction-- mine in particular is food. When I have emotional issues, I eat myself ill. I'm a stress eater. I ALWAYS know when I start to lose my will power in eating normal, healthy foods that there is an underlying issue going on, such as anxiety in particular and try to get to the root of where that stems. It is the same with an alcoholic or any other type of addictive behavior for that matter. When one addiction ends, another is guaranteed to start, UNLESS the deeper emotions that it stems from are dealt with and faced to truly recover.
This is just my opinion, as I remember when I would quit smoking off/on for 10 years, I'd gain weight, so then I'd start smoking again so I wouldn't gain anymore weight and then I'd lose weight. From one addiction to another... so then I decided to quit both at the same time and was I insane for quit sometime-- still go through my yo-yo stuff, but this time-- I quit smoking for 7 years now and know I'll NEVER go back. However, in turn I replaced that with being at the gym, working out 3-5 days per week-- healthy, yeah physically and mentally, but emotionally NO, still a way to keep myself feeling good so that I feel I'm attractive to men. Another addiction... although felt good working out, was probably more about getting the attention-- actually, I know now it was more about bringing attention to myself more than anything and to hear how great others thought I was in having this will power. In turn, this rewarded me with lots of attention and a great sex life with my ex-- who I met and turned out to be an alcoholic.. SO, again the addiction taking another route, from smoking to working out to great sex life, to now NOTHING. Well, perhaps school to complete my degree and working. BUT, having recognition of ALL this now gives me greater insight and has brought me to deal with the REAL emotions that need to be dealt with.....
When I don't eat healthy, I KNOW something is stirring or bothering me-- I become anxious and irritable and when I am pressured financially, or am faced with uncertainty of my future at any realm, I find myself feeling scared to be alone and longing for my ex more than anything. I weigh more than I did when I quit smoking and have also not been able to go to the gym any longer cause I'm so busy with school, am single parent raising my children ALONE and have found that the BEST thing that can happen right now is for me to be ALONE to analyze all of these addictive behaviors in myself and learn why they are occuring so that I can truly be in a healthy relationship next time around.
So moral of the story.... Despite stopping ONE addiction, another will ALWAYS be there UNLESS the addict can get to the bottom of their problem, which involves complete emotional surrender, humility and sincerity of their actions, thoughts and reasons why they act the way they do in how they treat themselves, which affects everyone around them.
It felt good to vent that, thanks for listening.....
What phenomenal insight (perhaps it's because I happen to agree). I too battle different things at different times like you -- Al Anon gives me a healthy balance of all that I need. Great share.
Maria
__________________
If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
Sanddie, Nice post, really a thinker. You are right about the moving from one addiction to another, I see this with my wife (my qualifier)as well as myself and yes I do believe that the alcohol, atleast in my wifes case, was just a symptom of something buried deeper. This is something for her to realize and deal with as I deal with my own not so apparent to me set of drivers. That said, I do though wonder if we analize things so much that that if we enjoy something we consider it an addiction, lol as I light up a cigg. I have come to believe that there are good addictions as well as destructive, yea the cigg bad, but another of my own addictions (if I can call it that) is feeling good about self and self confident. which I consider good, who knows what my motives are, it just feels good to feel good, its how we choose to get that feeling of good that we have to watch. You state that you going to the gym so you can be attractive to men...could it be that it simply is that you may feel good about yourself and when you do and the attraction of men is just a spin off benifit of that? just what passed thru my mind after I read your post..probably means nothing, but had to explore it.
I can understand the "sliding addictions" aspect of recovery I have slid in and out of many in my 13 yrs of program, My main one now is food. Finding the emotional triggers was a help to me...Any time I am "restless irritable and discontent" off I go again.....Chronic ill health stops a lot of the others from cropping up but I can "slide" into fantasy and illusion, collecting people and things.
Today most of my "addictions" are relatively harmless to myself and others...my junk from Op-Shops has become a great garage sale income provider every 6 or so months, My garden is very colourful (thanks to the slide into and out of plants, cutting and shrub addictions)
I actually have learnt to enjoy this aspect of my addictive personality!!!!!! Nickemarr
Thanks for responding... Yes, I agree-- that some things we do (like-- like going to the gym) is very good for our mental and physical health and all around. It's an excellent source of stress release and provides our brain with chemicals that are produced naturally to help with positive thoughts. :) Additionally, great for strengthening the heart of course. I guess what I've realized though is that as healthy and good as it made me feel, I was TOO focused on it- like if I didn't work out, I wouldn't be healthy emotionally, physically, or mentally BECAUSE I felt so good when I worked out. It was interesting because as I worked out, with these thoughts occuring, suddenly I had NO TIME to get to the gym in the mornings with a new job I started, as well as being in school 1/2 - 3/4 time each semester. I was able to recognize the emotions that came along with not being able to get to the gym and in turn learned that my behavior and thoughts of myself had become dependent on who I was as a person in acheiving that goal. It was interesting, because once again, I realized it was something else I turned my focus on someTHING other than God for my recovery.
God has truly become FIRST in my life and MY primary focus is on Him... funny though, because someone could say that God would be an addiction as well. Something, I've definitely thought of... :) An addiction though I will accept 100% (the ONLY ONE addiction I want to have) I KNOW that God wants me to be healthy and I know we were given our bodies to take care of, as they are temples given by God. :))) So, with all this in mind, I've been reflecting and offering many of these thoughts up in prayer, to come to a balance within so that ALL of the thoughts and emotions I feel can be dealt with and not masked by drugs offered by my doctor, the gym, my education (busy schedule), friends, children, or anything else. I'm working on coming to terms with truly allowing God to work in my life completely and learning to wait patiently to move into the next direction God wants me to go in my life.
I believe we receive blocked goals (like me not being able to get to the gym due to my demanding time) throughout our life because it is God's way of turning us towards Him completely. I know that's where I'm at right now. : ))) MY GOAL-- nothing I will do will be of selfish motives any longer-- to be in unhealthy relationships because of not wanting to be alone. I've analyzed marriage completely in scripture AND talked with a couple Pastors to learn the true meaning of marriage and it is completely FREEING to know that marriage in the eyes of God is a marriage in which two people lift eachother up and equally yoked-- A husband treating a wife, as Christ would treat the church. This being the case, I am trusting God completely that I will someday have a man like that in my life, BUT NOT UNTIL I work on accepting me completely as I am RIGHT NOW, without the gym, without the manicure, without the focus on always having to look good. What did we do years ago, when there was no makeup, no gyms, no counselors, no nail salons, no computers??? I like to stay focused on WHAT IF all that was taken from me? WHAT IF, like Tom Hanks on a stranded island in Cast Away suddenly had NOTHING to count on, depend on-- what would our reaction be and how would we cope? Perhaps find a soccer ball? haha Ya get my point... I would want God right there and NOTHING else and it feels GREAT to finally have this as the center of my life. It seems EVERYTHING around me falls into place when I am at this point in my life, as I've been here before a couple of times. Only to end up meeting another man that I choose based on a continued pattern of choosing the same type of man. I believe also that we continue to choose the same types of relationships until we learn the lesson we are too learn from those relationships.
This being the case, I've learned so much about myself in the last relationship that was actually my first alcoholic relationship actually... The others had been abusive, but no alcohol involved-- dry drunks I've learned through this last relationship. God opened my eyes in this one and I am thankful each day for His grace in allowing me insight into my illness.
My life should ONLY glorify God in anything that I do..... It's not about me. :) Which by the way is a book written by Max Lucado... "It's Not About Me". Excellent book.
