The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It's after 11 pm and my bf is still not home. He has been out late for weeks now but not this late. I'm trying to stay calm and not go crazy. I have not called, I'm forcing myself not to call.
I am suspecting something is going on but the worst thought I'm having is what if he's drinking? I have a headache and this is the reason. Geez this is horrible. I talked to him many hours ago and he said he was coming home. So I'm hanging in there. Nothing I can do.
Just had to write this down. I will try my best not to react when he gets here if he does.
My A usually got in trouble because it's just plain inconsiderate not to call. Being an alcoholic didn't get him a free pass to be rude. Mine usually was drinking so the only thing I did differently was wait until morning to say anything. It was safer for both of us. He was sober and I had put the baseball bat down :)
Christy
__________________
If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
As soon as I realized I could not do anything anyway I learned not to worry or be anxious anymore.
Cn you put him in Hp hands where he is anyway, for you?
I am not concerned so much about you not reacting as I am how YOU feel right now!!
It is perfectly normal to be concerned when a loved one is rude like this and is late. BUT A's are not the norm. Sadly they can be so self centered and uncaring.
Hon whether he is using or not, remember since we cannot change them, then accepting how it is, is usually the best option if we choose to stay.
We use our alanon tools to separate ourselves from the A's actions.
He will be home when he is home. Take deep breaths raising your abdomen as you take the air in. Drop your elbows. I am sure your body is tight and you feel awful.
This is the stuff that tears us apart because we love an A. It should not be that we get a rest when they are in jail or rehab. We work to learn to be ok all the time.
If he has been being late, this is nothing new. What good did it do all those other times to worry?
What can we do? Do the dishes, read, call a friend, go to a movie, or rent one.
Even though we don't feel like it, the more we do this type thing, the easier it gets. We change OUR behavior in how we react to anothers choices.
Wish I could come over and make ya some tea and have ya watch "Keeping Mum" with me. lol
Put a comedy on you like. I love the old one,"ITs like you never left" with Goldie Hawn and Chevy Chase.
Anyway I am sad you have to go thru this!!! hugs,debilyn
you are right. It is very inconsiderate not to call or not to keep his word. He showed up just minutes after I posted this and I asked him why he told me he's on his way when he wasn't and he didn't even plan on it. He didn't say anything.
I try to tell myself that hp is taking care of whatever it is. Debilyn, I don't know if I even love him anymore. How can I love him this way? Yes, he's been late but not this late. So I started thinking oh he's at the bar. Well he denied it but it doesn't matter cuz I'll never know the truth.
Of course he'll deny it.
I did do some cleaning and stuff, watched some tv, kept telling myself slogans. Good thing is I did not react, but I did ask him questions. I do have the right to know what the deal is. Then again no matter what he tells me is probably a lie anyway. How can a person live like this?
Thanks for wanting to come over You've made me smile.
You're not alone dear. I understand that feeling and REMEMBER it like it was yesterday. Even at times when I KNEW where he was or WHAT he was doing, my body was STILL SO automatic and I would begin to panic despite the KNOWING. Then I was able to get a sponsor and would call them or reach out to another program peep to help me calm down during such moments. I am happy to give you my # if you need a friend like that. I know how hard it is to be waiting. You're not alone.
I have come to believe that if I trust in my HP, he will let me know what I need to know when I need to know it. Of course, some days I do a better job at letting go than others. But that is the beauty of the program. It is all about progress and not perfection. Hang in there and keep coming back!!
Yours in Recovery,
SLS
__________________
Do not be anxious about tomorrow; tomorrow will look after itself. The Bible, from Courage to Change, p.138
I have come to believe that if I trust in my HP, he will let me know what I need to know when I need to know it. Of course, some days I do a better job at letting go than others. But that is the beauty of the program. It is all about progress and not perfection. Hang in there and keep coming back!!
Yours in Recovery,
SLS
oh my sentiments exactly....as a compulsive control freak, i have to MAKE me let go sometimes...just keep practicing it...visualizations...doing stuff for me...prayer....ANY thing to help me GIVE IT UP......TOSS IT OFF ME and onto my HP...and yea, HP will let me know what and when i need to know.....and really, all i can do is change ME......i work steps 1,2,3, faithfully each day keep that foundation strong for the successive steps.....doing my inventory, as to "why this time i have a hard time letting go".....and i let go....ask for guidence...do the serenity prayer and then it will come to me....the peace of just literally throwing in the towel and tossing it off me.......its a thing i have to practice.....rosie
You've made me smile.
