The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well today I desided to get started with Journaling, WOW was it a freeing moment in my life, and was it something I should have done a long time ago. I took the time to right out ALL the things that I could remember from my Rape. I owned it, stood tall, cried some, and handed it over to God... I know he will know more of what to do with it then I.
I sat here and in typing the very last sentence I could honestly feel the weight lift from my shoulders, and when I wrote out "For Now it is In Gods Hands" I just felt lighter. Had I known this 17 years ago, maybe I could have released it along ago. I know that it will linger here and there, and i know it will enter my mind when I pass by the house, but that is OK, for now I know my HP has this and I can no longer use it as a shield to hide behind, I can no longer hide from what happened, and I can now, start to move forward in my life choices instead of allowing my past to take over and control my future.
Al-anon, and all you wonderful people that come here day in and day out to lift and carry us "Newbies & Veterans" I applaud you all for your strength is a God Send, and your ESH is heart felt and honest. what more could we ask for...
I still will come and post, and do my program, but I do plan on putting more of my time in the writting of my life story and less time, dwelling on it. I know that I have made it along way from were I started 35 years ago. So that will be the strength, along with all of you...I can and I will survive, for that is one things I have Never doughted in my life, and the one thing that has always kept me pushing forward...I have never been a quitter and I can't say as I plan to be one now.
Of course sometimes I know that I have to back away and not get so wrapped in it, but I also know that I HAVE to see this thru so I can release my ugly, and inspire my future. No projecting here tho... I plan to "Easy Does It" and One Day At A Time. for as long as I can. I know that I will back slide from time to time, but I have learned that is when I grow, that is when I have to pick up and start over... Even if it is just for today...
Thanks for letting me share... Friends In Recovery; One Day At a Time :) Love & Prayers Jozie
I worked the steps with the book, Paths to Recovery. I used that as a journal, it was freeing, I let go of a lot. I still do the steps, each time, more comes out, I let go of more of the dysfunction. thanks for sharing Jozie.
That's really awesome! Lots of great insights here and I'm so happy you are feeling liberated & free from that trauma. I too used to dwell on the past & recall the worst stuff -- it is so wonderful to let that go & be truly free in today, Now. I got to serenity being present in right now & I actually feel powerful in it. It's like, you are open to all possibilities being in now b/c you arent fixated on any specific thing.
Your commitment & diligence is inspiring ~ rock on!
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
I've been journalling at the suggestion of my sponsor. And along with it, fretting (ok, obsessing) over what to put in it, how much, how little, etc....
Your post on this topic made it brilliantly clear that I can put ANYTHING I want in my journal - no matter how trivial or deep it may be. It's MINE to do with as I please - there's no right or wrong way to do it. Much like my program - it's MINE and mine alone.
How liberating!
Thank you for your strength and for sharing it with us.
I just recently decided to try journaling. I haven't been able to write in it every day, but when I do, I feel better about things. Maybe seeing it in print helps take it out of the cluttered brain!
I too used to dwell on the past & recall the worst stuff -- it is so wonderful to let that go & be truly free in today, Now. I got to serenity being present in right now & I actually feel powerful in it. It's like, you are open to all possibilities being in now b/c you arent fixated on any specific thing.
Your commitment & diligence is inspiring ~ rock on!
Oh i used to "awfulize" everthing....let my feelings control me instead of just FEELING....and then JOURNALLYING.....let the journal discharge my feelings....or sharing onthe boards...same affect as journalling...i am writing it down......discharging what i am feeling so i can go back and "re-look" at the situation and then change my perception and then follows better emotions and then actions........yea, i am making me and it is getting easier to distance myself from my past...yea, i can *look* at it w/out *staring* at it....like yea, i'll never forget , but i can put some distance between me and that darkness.......i feel the feelings as they come up...allow them to pass through me and then, i can move on and take care of me in the NOW....live in the present......healthy and loving and supportive self talk helps me too.......
I worked the steps with the book, Paths to Recovery. I used that as a journal, it was freeing, I let go of a lot. I still do the steps, each time, more comes out, I let go of more of the dysfunction. thanks for sharing Jozie.
i worked the steps with the coda steps on this old coda site...also with beattie when i first started...got a lot of stuff on line and then "12 steps to re-parenting" myself....skinny book....packed solid with good info.......and yea, i used it as journal...writing notes in book margins or yellow line paper.......let go a ton of crap........and yea, each time i pass through the steps??? more stuff comes out......one day this "boil" of emotional junk will be entirely drained and i can go on "cruize control" and just maintain.....
