The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
One little step at a time. First of all I thought I was not enabling him I don't go up to the store and get his beer any more. Last night he asked me to run up for a pack of Cigs. I alway would do it. Well I said to him if you are to drunk to drive for some cigs I'm not getting them . I felt selfish at first but I felt good to.
Some of you talked about resentment I still working on that its the hardest thing to do for me.
First my Father was a drinker. When my husband meet me he would just think what a weird home I had. We alot of times we sat in the summer kitchen my dad used to stack his beer bottles along the wall and boy was there a lot. He made a comment about that like is that how much he drinks. He would never be like that So that made me love him more he was taking me out of this home of insanity. (dreaming)
Then he starts drinking when we went to the country dance halls. Say every weekend. He would quit for a while and go back it like a weekend drinker got worse every time he'd stop and start. He said in counceling he started really when he was 14. I get so angry now my fairytale life did not go the way I expected. I see my dad in him.
I see the progression of the disease. I yell at him thinking he will get it someday. I get up in the morning and pray please god help me through this day with AH. and the serenity prayer. When I do get up hes been home from work a couple hours and he is drunk already. Slearing his words, stumbling around and smells of smoke and beer. My stomach starts to just turn and the anger builds.
I don't know how to detach from that. I HATE IT I HATE IT ! then when I do get angry later I'm mad at myself, and depressed, sad ect. Because I see in his eyes he gets it but he can't stop the compulsion He was hurt by what I say and that hurts me too.
I got him to go to counceling But now he says he don't know if it helping coz its so hard to get into her. Well you have to make 3 appointments ahead of time coz I go to the same place. I told him that then he says I will call tomorrow. (NOT)
So how do I shut my anger off and my tounge. One time I went to the park just to get away from it all. AH called me 6 times in 1/2 hour wondering where I was. I try to get away but I feel like I'm trapped. Well here is a nother load off my chest. I do something good for my self , but then it goes back to the same old thing. I do love the 3 rd step but I have to keep going I know it takes it takes time. to get me back again. After you gave so much away.
Thanks
-- Edited by peacewithin on Thursday 30th of April 2009 05:53:42 AM
__________________
I put my hand in yours and together we can do what we could not do alone.
I can relate to a lot of what you said. It is difficult to watch these things go on and not feel disappointed and angry about it. And most of all, the guilt of our own insane and angry reactions is almost too much to bear. I am beginning to learn that MY anger is hurting me more than anything else is.
Sounds like you made a good choice to go off to the park to get away when you needed it. (perhaps not bringing your phone along will provide even more peacefulness!)
I have found that going to Alanon face to face meetings gives me some tools, to put in my "tool box" for when I need a "life repair" or to just make some better choices for myself. I don't know if you go to f2f meetings, but I find them very helpful for me.
What a Great Log On Name!!! Before Al-Anon- living with active alcoholism I could not even entertain the thought that some day I could have that peace.
I needed to respond to your post because I soo identified with the "Anger and Resentment" that "My FairyTail Life" was not the reality I was living.
I remember the anger that i felt inside because no matter how hard I tried or what I did- I was not going to "Live my life in a castle with Prince Charming!!"
I too did not like where my anger took me, and that is why I found the rooms of alanon. This is a gentle program - Letting go of a dream is painful and accepting the reality of what is takes time. I found: Meetings, Daily reading of literature, owning my sadness at meetings and with a sponser went a long way in my finding the ability to live Life ON Life's Terms and not my own.
Please keep coming back, and sharing. You are worth it
I know all about the anger and resentment myself... I have many a days were I wonder.. When will it just STOP... However... Since al-anon I have realized that "I" CAN Stop it...
The day at the park... GREAT PLAN... and I agree..When you are having those moments.. Those Seconds we steal for ourselves... The cell phone should not be within ear shot of your serenity or you will never find it.. Because honestly... "What Happened to Him while you took time for yourself?" My guess.. not a dang thing... He just wanted to controll you move, and KNOW were and what you were doing... I resently found a NEW serenity of my own... I answer a phone for a living, we own a small HVAC business, and when i go home, the last thing I want is the phone to ring... So A week ago, I put my phone on Vibrate, and I have not put it back since... Don't know if I ever will... lol... Personally.. SOmething Soooo Simple, has made my life more enjoyable, I an not hanging on to the phone like it is a life line, I am excepting that I can look at it and get my message when I FEEL LIKE IT, not when the A calls and feels like having a "Poor Me, no body loves me everybody hates me Moment"... I am a much stronger person because I have Given and now LET GO...
F2F Meetings are GREAT... The More the marrier... Keep taking care of YOU... Bring your focus back to YOU... And see where the HP takes you :)
when I first got here I found it tremendously difficult to detach. Getting busy was one sure thing that helped me. Detaching takes tremendous, daily ongoing practice.
