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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Taking those baby steps and livin in the now, and enjoying the progress.
Post Info TOPIC: Taking those baby steps and livin in the now, and enjoying the progress.
shellyj123


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Taking those baby steps and livin in the now, and enjoying the progress.
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For some reason or another the EXABF has been tormenting my thoughts off and on the past two days.   I have no idea why as I have been doing really well just focusing on me and what I want, but thoughts of him have been interupting my serenity for some reason or another.  Nothing major, just little reminders of days gone by, thoughts of the past.

I haven't been on myspace as it is just a temptation, a BIG one, to check and see how or if he is moving on and with whom, etc.  Well this am I got to work and couldn't seem to knock him out of my head.....so where did I go???  YEP straight to myspace!!  Now those of you who know my story, know how much drama and grief that that site has caused me, or I should say that I have caused me by going there.  I went straight to his picture, and as soon as I clicked on it I got the most nauseous feeling in the pit of my stomach, the same old anxiety returned and the fear.  As soon as I started to feel it, I remembered how it felt even worse when I went there at looked at what he was doing, and tried to replay it all out in my head.

I exited out of the page before it even came up!!!!!  I just couldn't do that to myself-not today. 

Today I deserve to be happy, and am going to work on working on me:)  Today I am going to trust my HP to guide my steps (as He did when I went there again today) and lead me in the right direction, a direction that I can be happy walking in with HP by my side.  Today I am going to read my literature, come here and post, and talk to friends and my HP.  Today when thoughts of EXABF and the past pop into my head I am going to be strong, and accept them for what they are......just thoughts.......thoughts that will eventually fade in time as I recover, and if I slip I'm not going to run from my HP or my program and hide in a corner for weeks, I am going to bounce right back here to these rooms and right back to my F2F, and my sponsor.  Today I am going to accept the things I can not change and change the things I can!!!!

Today I am going to live in the now!!

Thank you so much for letting me share
Your friend in recovery,
shelly



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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!

Only God can turn a mess into a message.

Prayin' on it, Stayin' on it, I will survive it.

If nothing ever changes, nothing ever changes.
hotrod


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Great Share Shelly

Thanks for sharing your process.

You know-It works if you work it.

have a great day- one moment at a time.

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
glad lee


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Good for you!!!!

It helps me to recognize these behaviors as a COMPULSION and an OBSESSION in me. This is why I need a recovery program! I have to pray for these defects to be removed, recalling that I DO NOT HAVE THE POWER to remove them. If I could do it myself, I wouldn't need a Higher Power. I wouldn't need the 12 steps. I wouldn't need a fellowship.

This is what helps me to remember, this is not a self-help program. ((((hugs))))





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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
thinkstoomuch


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(((((((((shelly))))))))))))

Tears in my eyes, believe or not.  I hope you take the time to feel & tell yourself how proud you are of your progress.  I need to do that with thoughts and feelings, too - recognize them, acknowledge them, say yep, that's what's on my mind right now, or that's how I'm feeling right now - and then go on to the next right thing, not wallow....

You started an old behaviour, saw yourself doing it, recognized that this behaviour had hurt you in the past, and STOPPED - waaaaa-HOOOOO!!!  GREAT job!!!

Edit: *snort* - I posted this, then realized I had written "tears in my ears"... hehehehehe - and of course, to make it worse, it was "tears in my ears, believe it or not"..... aie aie aie, still not perfect! biggrin

-- Edited by thinkstoomuch on Wednesday 29th of April 2009 10:15:21 AM

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Mariner


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Hey (((Shelley)))

Great post thank you for sharing.

You describe the feeling of compulsion so well. The old behaviour, the anxiety,the fear, I really do think we are addicted to our A's , all the physiological signs are there.
Brilliant you recognised your feelings and turned to HP for strength and guidance. Not acting on those thoughts shows great progress. 
Good work Shelly smile

With Gratitude Carol



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shellyj123


~*Service Worker*~

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Thank you all so much for your kind words and ESH.  I too, was quite for lack of better words "impressed":) with my thought process today.  The urge was there and soooo very tempting, but as soon as I physically felt the knot in my stomach, the rise in my blood pressure, the anxiety I KNEW better.  I KNEW if I looked what I saw ultimately would REALLY mean nothing, but to me I would analyze and think it to death and it would start the obsessing all back over again.
I'm just not up for another trip around "Confusion Hill" today:)

living in the now
shelly

__________________

Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!

Only God can turn a mess into a message.

Prayin' on it, Stayin' on it, I will survive it.

If nothing ever changes, nothing ever changes.
chezza


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Well done Shelly.  I don't post much on here at the moment though,  I have been following your progression.

I also have the obsessive trait that appears when I enter the forum me and my ex/ab post on. Pressing that bloody search button has thrown me into many a spiral of negative thoughts and fears.  It seems we are sitting at much the same level as I do have days where I can hop off and not get involved when I feel the dreaded sink. Other days am completely involved in who he's talking to and what motives are behind every word.

I find that the more I am off that site doing other things the easier it gets.

I see fit that one day I will stop posting all together and realise it's a gradual process for me individually.  It's my addiction and for me I cannot stop that over night.  One day at a time Shelly you are in the right place.

Thanks for your share as it has brought to light again how I can work on banishing this obsessive behaviour.

hugs**

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Courage is the discovery that you may not win, and trying when you know you can lose.
shellyj123


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I too, am taking it One day at a time, and I am certain I will slip again, but it won't be today:)  And when I do, instead of plummeting into a downward spiral of obsession and depression, and running away from my program feeling like I failed, I will hold my head up and keep putting one foot in front of the other....I'm not taking leaps and bounds like I normally do in my life, but as we can see that hasn't benefited me to this point......Right now for me it is baby steps and one hour one day at a time....

thanks for the ESH
shelly

__________________

Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!

Only God can turn a mess into a message.

Prayin' on it, Stayin' on it, I will survive it.

If nothing ever changes, nothing ever changes.
Tenderheartsks


~*Service Worker*~

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Shelly, I am so proud of you! I can appreciate how hard that was for you! Baby steps are a good thing indeed! (((((((((hugs)))))))))

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"If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience."
- Woodrow Wilson
Priscilla83


Senior Member

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Hi Shelly!!! Good for you for not snooping. I struggle with that A LOT! I love snooping and it gives me a sick feeling of accomplishment. I know how hard it is not to do it.
Congrats! Really!


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Self-pity in its early stages is as snug as a feather mattress. Only when it hardens does it become uncomfortable.

blender_girl


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Good for you ((shelly)) - glad to see you doing so much better. :)

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