The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hey! I just noticed I became a "veteran" member!!! Pretty neat :woot: I'll celebrate by saying today I had a good day.
I didn't pick up after my D.Drunk. Even after he came out of oral surgery. I left the first aid kit right where he left it, left his cup and lemon, left his scissors, and package from gauze. I left all the crap where he did and amazingly later, all but the scissors have since been picked up!!
I told him last night, he's to face the consequences of his own decisions in life. He made an oral surgery appointment that he needed me to drive him to and fro...no big deal there, but guess who scheduled a baby sitter {me} and it pissed me off, then he had me running out to meet a woman for a meeting and didn't know the time. This is all typical behavior for him.
He got on this kick that our kids HAD to be signed up for T-ball. I said, "Go ahead" You do it if that's what you think. NORMALLY, I'd rush right in to fill out the paperwork and be stuck driving them and scheduling and running them around. I made it clear on no uncertain terms I would ONLY drive them to a practice if he was working, otherwise it's his gig. So far he hasn't even filled the paperwork out. This one will have to be continued later...we shall see what he does.
We actually had a talk on the "safety" of our kids tonight that went well. I told my Ddrunk that he couldn't leave my middle child alone with a stranger to bring him down in a basement to go to the bathroom. He explained in hindsight, that was poor judgment..uh...YAAAAAA.
We're getting there. I'm REALLY trying to take less of a back seat and he's stepped up a bit. Who knows? we may be able to meet in the middle somewhere...LOL.
Good for you for setting some boundry's and doing what you have to do... I too am the "Run" mom for sure, but the sports thing i guess I put on me, Not because of my husband, but because My Son Loves to play.. I want him to have the skills, and the fun with his friends...Things I did not have growing up in a "A" home... Things I wished for all my life, but if he was to quit having fun at it then that would be a differant story...
Kids can run you ragged, I can't image balancing more then one at this time in my life... As I grow tho, who knows were I will be :) I too am taking the time to learn boundry's in my life... One that I just LOVE is that I have turned my Phone to Vibrate..(been like that for a week). LOL... Only because that is the one things that every time I "Hear" it ring, I could pluck my hair out one by one, because someone on the other line, wants a Piece of my Serenity... Now... Sometimes I catch it, and other times, I see it when "I" Check :) Options... Love them....
Keep putting yourself out there your doing great... Thanks for listening, and waking me up this morning...Got my brain awake :) Needed that ....Good luck to you... :)
It is amazing to see what they are capable of, huh? Good for you for taking a step back.
We had a similar sports experience. My daughter plays softball and my exAHsober took the kids to opening day. He texted me all enthusiastically, wanting to sign our 4 yr old up for t-ball, asking my thoughts on it. I was proud of myself that I was able to tell him that I was way too busy with working and juggling the schedules of two teens to add another activity to the list, and that I was planning on waiting a year. I don't know that he agreed, but he completely respected my decision, knowing full well that I would be the one doing all the running around.
To be able state what I needed and wanted, and not have the urge to JADE (justify, argue, defend or explain) is growth for me. Also, I didn't feel the slightest bit guilty; my little guy will do just fine.
Keep plugging along and keep coming back.
Blessings, Lou
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
I can see real growth in your posts. Good for you! You stood your ground. I am trying to take these Alanon principles and apply them at work. I am the ogranizer, the cleaner, the nobody-can-do-it-but-me at work. I am learning to back off a bit and let the chips fall where they may. Not always easy for me. Your post reminds I can do this. Thanks for that. Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I'm actually getting a kick out of this. Our place is a MESS, but so what!!! I'm realizing HOW much I do. I am also STILL doing stuff, but am trying to recognize it every day. It's HARD to change.
I've felt peace for almost two days. It's great. My dry drunk is pissy. Oh well... Could be his swollen face from the surgery, but in general, I can see how pissy he is and it'll probably get worse.
He's mad at himself, and doubts his own capabilities, but he CAN do it. Tonight was HIS night for making dinner. Of course I deemed it because I cook EVERY night. He came in at 4:10 and said, "What should we do for dinner?" I exlaimed it was HIS decision and he couldn't decide!!! OMG. Seriously. He said he'd go out and buy pizza..NOT what I had wanted but if that's what he wanted FINE. Then he explained the sauce may be too aggrevating for his mouth and suggested pasta and tomato sauce from the Italian place...UM...if pizza is going to hurt SO is pasta SAUCE...He really could NOT think of what to do. I finally said, salad. GOD I did it AGAIN!!! SO he went scurrying out to get salad.
WHY? WHY is it so hard to NOT make decisions?!
This should all work out VERY interestingly. Leaving him to his own faculties is funny and scary.
Interestingly, my working on this one thing has ENABLED ME to stand up for myself a bit. I bought one drink at Starbucks. It was wrong. tHe old me would have drank it. The new me marched right in and got the right drink.
I went to Walmart and bought 2 items both on sale. The first rang in at full price, and I immediately pointed out the error. I had my two young sons SQUAKING to get out of the store which always raises my blood pressure. The clerk now had to get a manager for override and the store was packed so I was holding up the line. The SECOND item rang in at full price and I wasn't sure I had read the shelf talker right, so I took it. I immediately took my carriage to the item and PULLED the shelf talker off the shelf and brought it to customer service and showed them the error on the second item. It was for .34 cents. I can't stop laughing about all this, and yet, scare the crap out of myself in the same momment. I made a stink for .34 cents. The old me would have walked. The new me (which is still working on myself) is taking a small stand.
I could loose a husband over all this, but I'm gaining myself back. The best part is, I'm DECIDING not to decide anything right now. It's a very neat thing.
You stood your ground. 