What a weekend, full of my usual ups and downs and sideways...However, since last weeks melt down..lol.. I have slowly picked up a few lessons along the way..
I have not been speaking to my H for a couple days due to his usual, "Run" effect that seems to happen when I am in need of some assistance in my usual "Drama"...Well Friday night my son went to stay with an Aunt, and I went to my meeting :) well till I got home it was rather late evenning and not far from my bedtime..lol.. So desided that would let God have the H's prob. and I was going to bed... I got a good night sleep, and was ready the next morning for something differant... So as the H. tries to slither out of bed with out me notice'n I desided to "Woooo" him up...See He does not like being "Volnerable" EVER... Which was why he was sneaken out... When he is up on two legs, he can "RUN" I wasn't going to allow that to happen...lol...

Long/Short is I flat out told him, I was sick of him always fleeing when things got tough in my life, and him "running" never has supported me or my feelings, and if he did not want to know about my Family's & MY problems just let me know, and that is a part of our marriage I would keep to myself... Well after braw beeting him and getting it off my chest I allowed him to take a apart as well... He made good points but I told him... I NEED TO TALK... I need to get it out... And if he can't support me then NOW would be a good time to let me know, so I can seek it out somewere else...Because I had NEVER turned my back on Him, His Family, His Children, and believe me there was plenty of times it would have been worth it to me to "RUN"... So I think after that, we both seen things a little better, and he even THANK ME for "Wooo'n" him, and taking the time to let it GO...Who Knew...

We were planning on get'n are bikes out, but we had to be back at a curtain time to gather my son, so we desided to go t our camp about 45 min. away and do some mow'n and fish'n and clean'n up around the place... Best decission we could have made...We sat and talked about what the next step was "WE" were going to do in dealing with my Afathers "Estate/trailer" and hopefully by Tues I will know more on that...I came home got my son, and he and I went to Camp and got out our Kayaks and just the two of us floated the river for a while... We talked about things that somedays amazes me that he is growing up so fast, he is 11 and he is going on 35 some days, I realized that "I" am the one that he comes to for "Emotional" comfort, and I can't be a mess.. I have to turn it around, if not just for me, but for him... He is a good kid, and he has a heart the size of texas... I want him to see the happiness I have in my life, and not remember his childhood as a tense time were we have to tip toe around "dads" currant mood swing... I am so glad that my HP has gotten me to a point that I CAN see the sky, the birds chirpin, the crickets screech'n, and the moments that take my breathe away...

Last week all I saw was RED... But I stepped out of my comfort zone, I jumped into standing my ground, and I embrassed the gift God has given me in my life... This program is helping me get there... "One Day At A Time" Al-anon ALONE, has brought me to a better understanding on WHY, I am the Way I am, and WHY I react instead of "Wooo Up" and think it thru, and WHY my Afathers/Abrothers addiction some how some way I wore as my own, and I NOW KNOW, that I have to let them/Him, have them back to carry, for my load is heavy enough and I know theirs is as well... BUT... I have to take care of me... I have to raise my son to know that he is the mosst adorn thing in the world to me, and I am so proud of all the Little things he does and the time we spend together... I am 9 years married this coming October, and who know that keeping my husband in bed for a few extra minutes in the morning, may lead to a break thru, that has been driving me crazy for years... I never would have done it without the support, and love that my MIP Family has extended to me... I never knew support on such a huge scale... Until I came to Al-anon... "I came to Believe... That my Life had become Unmanageable"....

So Thank you all for Pushing me thru, and supporting me "Not so Pretty" moments...I'm sure there will be more, but just for Today... Just for this Moment, I could not ask for more... You all have Inspired me, to want more out of ME... And Less Out of them... For that I am Grateful...

Sorry so long, and I would love to hear ESH from you on your ups and downs... Your Stories, your lives, your experiences have been the driving force of me MOVING FORWARD, and I love and respect all of you that share in that journey with me :)

Friends in Recovery... Love & Prayers
Jozie

(: LET IT BEGIN WITH ME :)         ((((((((((Hugs 2 U Betty)))))))))) :)