The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Ever since my husband got out from detox I have been the model Al-Anon spouse. I've been working my program, going to meetings, and reading my literature - I had everything under control (because I knew my husband was working his program and not drinking).
Well today I have a sneaking suspicion that he has been drinking. And I realize that I have not made any accomplishments at all these past 3 weeks - I just thought I have. My first impulse is to search the house when he leaves for his AA meeting later. Guess I can't expect miracles (on my part) overnight, huh?
I've been in Al-Anon about 6 weeks. The members in my group have been there YEARS and still have times they struggle. I think you're being VERY hard on yourself.
What would searching the house after he leaves do for you? If you set up boudaries and he breaks them, what is the consequence? Are you ready to face leaving or can you muster up enough to know that you have to work things for yourself and searching the house will only make you crazier.
If you find something, what will you do? Have you thought of that? If you find nothing, look at what you have put yourself through.
I have no answers. I know what you're going through. I can only TRY to do for me now and hope my boundaries stay in place.
You're okay and now have more feedback. Here's a bit more that helped me "What you don't know can't hurt you. What you suspicion can kill you." Sometimes slowly sometimes quickly.
I had suspicions earlier this week but chose to ignore it and work on me. I've been down the road of searching way too many times to ever want take it again....my alanon toolbox is my constant companion!
I heard yesterday in a roundabout way that he had phoned someone and admitted he had two drinks and he then got himself to an AA meeting.
I have done more than my share of looking, searching, checking, counting, marking bottles, all the crazies. Yes, I've done them all!!!
I know the exactly moment two years ago when I realized I had gone to far. It was a night after my AW had gone to sleep and I was counting her empty beer cans in the kitchen garbage. Picture that in your mind. A grown man down on his knees in the middle of the night digging in garbage. Well, I cut my finger on a piece of glass as I was digging. My first thought was that I was mad at my AW because I had cut my finger. That thought was only a split second. Because--------!!
It all came to me what the ladies in my group had been saying, that we are just as sick as our A's. It was hard for me to argue that point as I was putting a bandage on my finger in the bathroom. I looked in the mirror at that crazy man and just shook my head at him.
Practice, practice, practice.
HUGS, RLC
P.S. I have cut my finger since, but it was not while I was looking for empty cans in the kitchen garbage.
