The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I can really see how totally different it is to walk around in your life with being able to detach with love and NOT. Its really just like being able to walk or not. Or read or not. Its that massive and foundational.
I could never detach and I certainly could not with love but I am finding that yes I can and I do and its working and its as radical as learning to walk when one could not or being able to read when one could not. Its a whole different perspective and BOY I SURE DO LIKE IT!
I can just quietly smile and walk away. They will do whatever. Not my thing. I have to live and be myself and I really like it this way, it feels really clean and simple. I am only responsible for Jean (I say this to myself and it helps). I feel no animosity or frustration. I feel love. I feel compassion and I smile and let everyone around me be who they are. And I step away when I need to.
That's funny you should use that analogy. I feel like when I detached from my A, I detached from my right hand. Now I'm learning to use my left, which is awkward and annoying (but I'm getting it!)
Currently I can detach when my life is good, but when it isn't (like when I'm sick or HALT) it's a lot lot harder. Still- each time I'm quicker to detach than the last time.
Someone I knew a long time ago used to talk about always patrolling his boundaries. I had no idea what he was talking about then. Now I have some idea. I also know for me being a victim is totally insidious. I don't get overtly abused but covertly it is always there. Sometimes I think I have kick me written all over me when really its just not having iron clad boundaries. I never could walk away I wanted to fix them!
Yay....J....you've got it!! Love isn't something different than you!! There is another bit of realization that comes somewhere, sometime later down the road. (((hugs)))
Detaching with love is never easy,I was the same way,never easy, but can be done! As we all know, It has been hard for me also, but I am learning, little by little, and yup, it feels great ! , I try and remember to take it easy, and one small step at a time, is better than no steps at all.
