The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am obviously a slow learner, but I am learning........slowly. I have learned the HARD way that there are some answers I will never have, and if I did have the EXABF answer them I doubt I would believe him anyway, his version of events tend to change around and mix me up even more. I also am learning that I can NEVER know WHY he does or says the things he does or says because he is sick, and only a mind as sick as his could make sense of his thought process. I am learning that I can try and analyze and interpret everything he writes or says to me and run it around in my head over and over, and filter it through my head as to what I WANT it to mean and how it can fit my desires and needs and in the end all I will accomplish by this is insanity......I'm not him, never will be. I will never be able to understand what makes him think the way he does or do the things he does, it is not my place to judge him or try and make him live up to MY standards as to what I think is right and wrong. And trying to figure him out will make me CRAZY and I don't want to be crazy anymore!!!!! I didn't realize half of this until last night when I was listening to a friend of mine on the phone trying to figure out his EXGF's next step or thought and I was like "WOW what he is doing is INSANE".........then it hit me that it's EXACTLY what I've been doing for months. I'm done now, done trying to figure things out or people. I'm done making myself the doormat. I'm done with all of it!!! I want MY LIFE back, and I am going to take it back ONE DAY AT A TIME!!! thanks for listening shelly
__________________
Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
I find it very freeing when I am able to surrender and let go of the control I think I have for my aH. "I think I have" being the operative statement here.
I think they call this "detaching".
My control for him is only a figment of my imagination. It's the reality that really blows my little screenplays apart and forces me to "surrender" a little further. I think I am getting there. I think you will too.
