The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
On May 2nd, our 8 year old twin granddaughters will celebrate their first communion. This is a big event in their lives. We (Hubbie and me) are going to Houston for this occasion; as will their other grandparents from Oklahoma.
This also happens to be my AD's birthday!!! I have not told her we are going to Houston and I will not!!! This is under strict orders from her sister, the mom of the twins. And who can blame us. We do not want to take the chance of a lot of drama that day and my AD cannot be trusted to be sober on that day.
Also, what do I tell her about not being with her on her birthday??? Also what do I tell her about not being invited. I feel it is my daughter's (in Houston) place to invite her sister; not me. Besides, I do not and will not be stuck in the car with AD for the nearly 10 hour round trip. No way. Been there; done that!!!
So, here I am with this delima. What do I tell AD??? I am tired of sneaking around her regarding family events. Also, there is "bad blood" between my 2 daughters. AD is jealous of her sister in Houston because she "has it all together". I need guidance in this suitation.
Also, thanks to everyone who responded to my post regarding my friend that passed away this past Monday. Your words were a great comfort to me. This is a very loving, caring group of people!!!
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Clara
------------------------------------ What don't kill you, makes you stronger!!!
Why would u have to tell her where your going ? does she live with you? As the parent of an adult child u certainly have a right to a life of your own . If she should ask - I would tell her the truth , where your going and why ? and I agree it is up to your other daughter to tell her why she isn't invited , get out of the middle of thier relationship and let them both take responsibility for thier actions . good luck and enjoy . twins wow how nice is that--- one for each grandma and grampa hehe . Louise
-- Edited by abbyal on Thursday 23rd of April 2009 07:22:00 PM
We are talking about 2 adult women who need to work out their differences on their own. You no longer have to be the referee. If you want to tell your AD the truth then go ahead. She does not have to know your every move. I know this sounds cold. My father once reminded me that he no longer owes his daughters an explanation of everything he does seeing as we no longer lived with him. Go. Enjoy the trip. Concentrate on the twins. That's so nice! Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I agree with Abby and Karilynn. Wish her a early Happy Birthday and go. Not riding in the car with you is a consequence of her past actions. If you need to speak of it (if she asks), be honest. The consequences are what sometimes gets them sober. Remember, it's your option to walk away from any drama.
Have a great time,
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
you could always say, "listen, I'm gonna be out of town for the twins communion on your birthday, so I'd like to take you out for a fabulous lunch sometime next week, on whichever day works best for you!"
If she throws a fit you can leave it at that and at least you'll know your "side of the street is clean"!!
Thanks guys for the advise. I knew all along what I should do, just do not have the courage to do it !!! I hate confrontion of any kind.
This will be a wonderful day and i will enjoy it and not feel guilt of any kind. I am so thankful that my Houston daughter and her husband are raising the girls in church. The other grandparents will be there also and we all enjoy being together.
Once again thanks for heading me in the right direction.
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Clara
------------------------------------ What don't kill you, makes you stronger!!!
