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Am a little confused I have heard various things having been in program over 2 yrs. Like, the 4th Step is important in rebuilding self esteem. Or working all the steps. Or working the Action Steps is what restores the self esteem. Anyone care to comment? To me, it just takes Time!
I think the answer to your question is "all of the above." I'll try to explain.
Several years ago, I belonged to a health club. I was very "into it" and did all of the exercises to perfection. As time went on and new members came in, I noticed they weren't doing the exercises right and I would correct them on how to do them. One day when I was correcting a new member, an instructor came over to us and watched and listened very closely. When I was done with my "instructions," the instructor came over to me and very quietly said, "The object is not to do the exercises perfectly. It is to get people to move and become more healthy. Any exercising they do is an improvement."
My point? It doesn't matter if you work the 4th step, all the steps, or the Action Steps. Anyone who works any one of these or any combination of these steps will improve their self-esteem. And, yes, it just takes time! At least, that's how I see it.
How can working on us or focusing on us not help our self esteem :) I seem to agree with what karen put. Plus, with step 4, alot of healing can be done in ourselves. Healing promotes good self-esteem too. We learn to forgive ourselves and see the good things about us in step 4 too according to the PATHS book. All the steps are about us and how we live and cope in our lives. And with HP/God in our lives, we can only help our self esteem and also learn to love ourselves unconditionally. cdb :)
Self-esteem really is the key to it all. If you like and respect yourself, nothing anyone else can do in your life can affect you too much. Self-esteem (or lack of) was a big problem for me, and still is, and there are many things you need to do to reclaim it, and it does take time, but I'll tell you about one of the things *I* did.
Since way back when, I've had what other people described as a "knack" for music. I could pick out tunes on the piano with one hand. I was always fascinated by music, but I also had a self-esteem problem in that I believed that only other people could actually play the piano. There was no way that I would be able to do it myself, so I never really tried.
Well, just after I started my recovery (a little less than a year ago), I took up piano lessons for two reasons:
1. to find something for *me*, to claim something as mine, something that was part of my personality and not a reflection of someone else's
2. to find something to prove to myself that with some work, I'm just as capable of doing something "difficult", but most importantly, it was something that didn't "matter". If I failed, no-one needed to know and it wouldn't affect my life in any way
Well, so far, I'm enjoying it. I have a long way to go before I can say "I can play the piano", but I'm making progress. Sometimes it's hard, but when I flick back through older lessons, and see stuff that I thought was *so* hard back then and now looks easy, I can see how far I have come, and I can believe that I really can do this.
However, I'll never again watch someone playing a musical instrument and think "they are superior to me" because I already know better.
I have heard various things having been in program over 2 yrs. Like, the 4th Step is important in rebuilding self esteem. Or working all the steps. Or working the Action Steps is what restores the self esteem. Anyone care to comment? 
To me, it just takes Time!
