The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My life is much simpler than it used to be (AND more serene) but it isn't by choice.
About 18 months ago, I fell apart mentally, emotionally, and physically, (which is how I ended up in Al-anon). I've been getting better bit by bit but even now I am physically and mentally unable to do the workload I used to do. I'm probably at about 60% of the old me.
It would be nice to have the OPTION of running around like a spaz if I want to. Right now I feel like I have no reserves- if something were to come up where I'd need to go full blast I just wouldn't be able to.
Does anyone have any experience with this? Does it get better? God I hope so.
It does get better, but you have to take the good with the bad FOR SURE... I know with me, I still have my complete melt downs once in a while, ON HERE, and that Really seems to help me get it out, AND get it released from me thoughts.. Can't say its always like that tho... It is what you except and what your goals are, if you want it bad enough.. You'll get it ... But you can only do that One Day At A Time... I know with me, when I get were you are I HAVE TOO get up and get moving... Weather it is Go mow the grass, take a walk around my neighborhood, take a bath, put on some head phones and leave your phone in the CAR...I guess what I am tryin to say is "Get Quiet on the INSIDE" so you can better focus on the NOW..
Your Here... Your Seeking Help... Your HP will get you were you need to go... You just need to listen.. :) "All" and could you remind me of this next time I'm were you are cause I know I will be.. :) and thats OK... Just need to Get Busy... In a Verticle possision :) What have ya been wantin to do for a long time.. ;) Go Do It Cause Ya Can ....
In my experience (and old age..lol) I've found that I have much more strength then I usually give myself credit for. Of course there are times that I think I can't deal with one more thing. Especially with my husband living in Alaska and the weight of the world seems to be on me to keep everything running smoothly here.
Then I get a call that I'm needed in Arizona due to terminally ill Uncle. I hopped a plane and spent the week there. Before I did, I had to make sure all the bills were pd and not forget anything while I was gone, find someone to care for my dogs, cancel some appointments, blah blah. Stressful.
I'm home a couple days and my Dad calls and said he's putting my Mom in a nursing home because he can't care for her anymore. He's upset, she's upset and they are 400 miles away.
My daughter called today and asked if I could watch her son all day on Friday. He's 15, and getting a home visit from a Boy's Home for the weekend. He cannot be left alone and she has to work. I know I could say No, but what the heck...I can deal with one more thing, one day at a time. I won't explode. I don't think :)
The way I see it it's all just "stuff". Stressful stuff indeed, but Stuff that will resolve itself, pass and then knew stuff will appear. No sense in getting all frazzled. Life ebs and flows. I just do my best to roll with it.
I think it's important to look back (but not stare) at what we have come through already. My list is long. There's horrific loss and pain, but I'm still standing so I know it's doable.
Christy
__________________
If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Aloha Crazy!! Does anyone have any experience with this? Does it get better? God I hope so
Great post and LOL with me. "Yesterday when I was young" by Roy Clark is again my favorite self-sing. Maybe not for anyone else but it could be the intro to my bio. Yesterday, working in my business I went to the hardware store to get some attachments so I could finish one two ceiling fans for a job. When I got up to the register the very young (they are all very young today) asked me if I qualifiy for the senior discount. I was grateful for the question and then asked "Do you have to be older than 66 to qualify?" "No you qualify..she replied" and I went on my way back to the ceiling which I reached with the use of a stool that I almost fell off of and then some frustration that I cannot go absent mindedly "full blast" like I use to because the tools and materials "are not made like they use to be" so they slow me down because I need to take more time to get it right.
I don't know what's taken the zoom out of your rocket however I have to accept that one or both of my "turbo" is cutting out and won't come back on line again at all. I have to adjust..patience, acceptance, gratitude and the one rarely deeply discussed...living in reality. "It is what it is...what do I have to change about me to get serene?" Acceptance, patience and gratitude, the 16% discount my own business and time schedule, great tools, caring wife and family and the master of it all my HP who doesn't mind how I sing "Yesterday when I was young."
Stay with it Sis. You're doing the best you can with what you have and you have more than most.
"It would be nice to have the OPTION of running around like a spaz if I want to"
This tickled me - I got the funniest mental image of running around like the Tasmanian Devil.
Seriously though, I'm glad you're getting better. I know it's tough to be mentally motivated to do stuff at a physical pace you can't yet sustain again. It seems the theme for me this week has been "Easy Does It" - and that this could easily apply to your current situation.
Give yourself a break - take it easy - and remember it's progress, not perfection.
Hon I sure do relate. Some for me is age,but most was the abuse that the A's disease put upon me.
I am from a very non addict family,the kind that had family get togethers etc.
I marry a guy who was from a family of horrendous abuse, who went to Viet Nam.
Anyway I never sit still. Was bucking my own hay in my fifties. But the situation with my A husband who I loved very much, killed so many things in me. The familiar was gone, me was gone.
What I do is, do what I can and really pat myself on the back. Getting out of bed is hard from some people.
I believe from my experiece, what I saw was being ok with how things were. If I could only feed and do water that day for the animals here, that was ok. The floor could be unmopped and the dishes.... who cares.
As time has gone on more and more gets finished. I have been painting my living room for weeks!!! lol First I did what I could reach, then used the kitchen step ladder, now today I am bringing the 8 foot ladder in!! (o:
The serenity prayer is perfect, accept the things I cannot change, change the things I can and please have the wisdom to know the difference.
I am willing to say, if something heavy comes up, you would do what you could, no one, not even you can expect more.
Life goes thru changes, we really are confronted with our energy levels and motivation changing.Some beat themselves up over it. Some accept it, do what they can and rest and it is ok.
I can tell you, I know when all of a sudden my eyebrows look like a mustache that I better wake up a bit....haha
Perhaps one day simplicity and serenity will be a choice u make for yourself . and yes it does get better , be patient and keep focusing on your needs . We are often addicted to the chaos of living with our A's and when it's gone , were lost . My sponsor called that How do u manage when there is no one left to manage , her answer was NOW U GET A LIFE. hmmmmmmmmm hang in there . This too shall pass . and if your not already now would be a great time to start f2f Al-Anon meetings for yourself and complete your recovery . Louise
cause I know I will be.. :) and thats OK... Just need to Get Busy... In a Verticle possision :) What have ya been wantin to do for a long time.. ;) Go Do It Cause Ya Can ....
