The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I know some of you out there have dealt with or are dealing with an A who has a disease or condition that normally would require them to stop drinking and the keep drinking anyway. The way of their addiction/disease. My Ah has cardiomyopathy, thickening of the heart muscle, this is partially due to untreated high blood pressure. I have no idea how long he had high blood pressure before he was told and put on medication. So it very well could have been years of untreated HBP. So now he is on meds but his pressure is still high. He read on a bottle of his meds that he should not consume alcohol with that med, and kept drinking. Last night he asks me to check his pressure before he started drinking, it was high but not too high. Then he wanted me to check it after he had had one drink, well guess what...his pressure was HIGH. Just a little common sense, he knew it would be high before I checked it but for some A reason he wanted me to do it. I announced that it was lower before he consumed the alcohol, which gave me exactly what I deserved. His response was, "What did I want him to say that he is an alcoholic and he can't control his drinking, he feels bad enough as it is without me making my "little" comments". And yes he was right, I should not have done that. It's his dieseas to deal with as he chooses. I felt bad for having made the comment and I knew as soon as I said that I had said it with a tone of voice to make sure he knew I was "superior", which is way wrong. But it was also frustration that I felt too. I think he must feel frustrated too. I obviously need to work my program. He must know that if he drinks his pressure goes up and makes his heart work harder which increases the thickness of the heart muscle. Thickening make the heart pump harder increasing his chance of heart atack. I don't think he would come back from a heart attack either. He always says that I would be a rich woman if he were to die, which is not true financially, but I would be a lost soul. I love this man so much and I hate that this disease is taking him away from me more and more each day. It frustrates me to no end that he can't "just quit". Reality bites!!!! But I have to move on from this and regroup with myself so I can make it through the day without obsessing on this situation. I have to live my life too. But I do love this man. How sick am I?
Sorry you are going thru such a hard time... I went thru that with my Afather, didn't matter what i told him, he always seen it as a kick in the teeth, weather I was encouraging, or tired of being discouraged...It is a disease, and one I hate as well... And I am by NO Means a Hater of much... Don't have it in me.. But I can honestly now say that this disease I HATE...
Your Ah Has read the bottle, and you showed him the signes of the before and the after when it comes to the meds...You have done all you can do... It is now up to him, to deside what he wants from his life... I am Sorry if he chooses the A, but who knows, maybe he will surprize ya... I will pray that he does :)
Keep taking care of you, so you are more prepared for what lies ahead, Take it One Day At A Time, and Keep It Simple... It is tough not being able to show them the way, but i guess it is not our job... We just wish it was :)
Keeping you in my Prayers Friends in Recovery... Jozie
Don't worry for a minute about what you said to your husband. I know in your heart it was out of love and concern for his well being. You can call it a mistake or slip, but only people who walk in our shoes can understand we only want the best for our A's. It is easy to see reading your post that is all you were thinking and asking. I've been there. The frustration builds because we want them to see what we see, and when it seems "they" don't really care as much about themselves as we do, sure we react in different ways, and then beat ourselves up. But, you know, that is O.K. because in this program we are allowed to make mistakes, even if the mistakes at the time are made out of the love we have for the A in out life.
It's just the terible grip this disease has on our A's and only HP can loosen the grip. It's all in his hands. Till that day comes we can only pray, and continue to take care of ourselves.
To love another human being is not a sick thing. It's a glorious thing. It shows you have compassion and are capable of many things. I have always said that I loved my beloved Tim dearly, but I hated his disease. It would be sad if you never loved anyone. The insanity part is when we do things we know we shouldn't. It's when we loose our program. But we have ways of getting back to it. The beauty of recovery is that we can restart it whenever we want to. You're doing the best you can. Much love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
