The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My former spouse has been fighting the disease for going on ten years. Finally, last year she entered a treatment program to which she bought in to; admitting to herself that she has a problem and wanting to overcome it. She completed that treatment last fall and has had a relapse or two along the way. We have two adult children who at the time of the depths of the drinking told her that they would have nothing to do with her until she got help.
6 months out she is struggling with the fact that the two adult children are still not a part of her life.
My question or concern is what is recovery? I have experienced the first 6 months, but I feel that I really do not know what to expect. I know each situation is different, as different as each of those involved. But generally there must be some common themes that run through the recovery process. So far I have experienced that the recovering person is focused on themselves, much as it was during the drinking. I assume that is fine because they need to concentrate on dealing with recovery. How long before things start to become more rational?
Great question and concern and there is no pat or quick answer to that. If you read back thru prior posts here you will learn that in one aspect you are right "it depends" and in another aspect you are left to getting into program and learning about your part in it and how to change that. Maybe you don't know your part yet; are unaware of it and need to understand. Part of my part was wanting everything to be okay when my alcoholic wife stopped drinking only to learn it wasn't only about the drinking and only about her not drinking. Much of the pain ran deep along with the mistrust. Some of it could be that others have formed a detachment and have gone on their with their own lives are have stopped sitting around waiting for the alcoholic to stop drinking which as you have mentioned is not sobriety. If she has return to drinking a couple of times she needs more experience.
If she only drank alcoholically for 6 months your expectations could be a bit higher. If she drank much longer than 6 months she's got more to focus on and learn. Many of the members here can share with you the long period of time it too or can take for the wound to start to close and all the things that can happen in the mean time to either help that or make it longer. Gratefully we learn to live life one day at a time, focus on our own journey and ourselves, and take care of our own responsibilities and business and leave the rest to our respective HP's. For me that is part of being rational. It is unrational to me to expect a quick fix after 10 years or more of damage. Try to accept that those who are affected by the disease worse often are those who didn't do any of the drinking.
Glad you arrive here asking questions. Keep and open mind and listen.
