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I haven't been much of a help these last couple of days to anyone, including myself, those that are following along with my "Drama" Know that it has been Long & Drug out when it comes to Abrother, and Deseased Afather's belongings...
I am starting to feel more Strength in the things I am getting done, I have been to the MVA 3 times, and been to the residense about 10 times in the last week, trying to track down the info, for the title, and try'n to get some of the Trash that Abrother left lie'n around, and unplug all the things he was running up the electric with and what not... I text him the other day, and flat out told him his "Crap" needs out of there, so I can now go to plan B... After that being the 3rd text, he reply'd yesterday with "Hey im go'n 2 get my stuff outa trailer this weekend Probly Sat Afternoon, Sorry & I luv ya." So tho I was grateful to FINALLY get a response, I have no "Trust" that it will happen..I have been burned by him more times then not...
Yesterday, I went to the trailer to do some more Up keep, and as I am walking thru the yard cleaning stuff up I look up the block at the local bar, and there stands ABrother, kick'n back a cold one, staring right at me... The old me would have charged up there, and busted him... When I left, he remained in that very spot, watching me, staring at me, and I just stop at the stop sign, and drove home... Didn't even Look at him... What's the point...He can drink, and hang with the boys, but he can't put a roof over his childrens head, and have a ounce of Self Respect... I Know that is on him, but it still ticks me off..I am to the point were I have Excepted that My Abrother will not be growning old with me, for he chooses not too...
I am bummed with Many things this week and how they are going down, and I am bummed with the efforts I have to Overcome... I guess "Being the Responsibile One" really seems to put me in a pickle, most days, but I know in my heart that I Did what I Could, and am Doing the Best I can...I just have Weak moments, were I feel like... WHY ME? Why & When is someone else going to jump in And Do Whats Right...I feel good knowing that I am getting it done, but I also feel over whelmed...
Our Business is Slow, "I guess Thank Goodness" because if not I would not be able to get half the crap done that I have...If it wouldn't be for the Sunshine today I think I would much rather crawl back in bed and just take the day off, but the Sun is finally out, and I can't miss a day like that...
I guess I am lucky that my Afather only lived a mile away, so get'n to his place isn't the issue, that is easy enough, it is just the dealing with it I think... I walked thru there yesterday for the 100th time, Wondering what I am going to do with the Remains of my fathers things... I Hate to take it to the Land Fill, but Honestly... Every thing he owned was a Hand me Down... (Nothing wrong with that) but it was from his bar buddy's and really isn't worth a crap... But Dad never cared... As long as it had a function...I don't know why I just feel funny throwing it out... Like i am Disrespecting his stuff or something...I guess I am just funny that way..
So... I guess one day this weekend i will go mow the lot, and see what I can do for improvement, and keep chug'n along... I believe NOW My Baby Sis is going to take the place, but can't till June...So Upkeep is on me I guess till then... Whats another lot to mow, when you already have two others to care for... It really isn't that big, it is just the fact of making and squeezin it in to an already, steadly filling schedule of things to take care of...
I know God has a plan for me... I just think sometimes he has a little more faith in me, then I have in myself... I guess he gives me enough to carry on... Sorry so long and randum I haven't 'spit it out' in a couple days so I guess it is just all over the place...
Thanks for listening... Any ESH is Good ESH... Thanks :) Love & Prayers Jozie
Wow, Jozie! That was an inspiring post for me. I honestly believe that if you wake up every day and choose to do the right thing, whether you "want" to or not, that God will take care of the rest. Yes, I think he has faith in you!
As for driving by your brother.... Good Work! That must have been difficult and frustrating, but not nearly as difficult and frustrating as it would be to get engaged in a futile interaction.
Since your sister is going to be moving in, can she help you at all?
Blessings, Lou
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
Aloha Jozie...you're growing good. The day will come when you will be able to pass the bar and not even remember it is there or that he may be in it. Promise!! There is much more coming when you keep coming back and reaching for more. Trust God (steps 1 - 3), Clean house (4 - 11) Help Others (11 & 12) (((((hugs)))))
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