The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
None of my friends would call me an introvert. However in the past few months, I'm a hermit. I hate leaving my house. My husband has cheated on me and I honestly felt like I had PTSD. I have a very hard time leaving the house. The phone will ring and it shakes me to the core.
I'm VERY happy in my comfort zone. I worked as a graphic designer for 10 years and was laid off in February. I was very happy behind my computer with no one to have to talk to.
I am trying to find a job. It sucks. This is a VERY different market than what I'm used to and I've definitely had my days of wallowing in my own pity.
I have an opportunity tonight to go to a real estate investment club in which they are in need of an assistant. Mainly for clerical and marketing, but I like real estate investing and we bought our first investment property right before I found out about my husband's A, so my world in the last 4 months has been shaken to the core.
We (AH and I) are on an emotional roller coaster trying to recover from alcohol AND an affair. Now I'm still facing all my self doubt and fear. It REALLY FREAKIN SUCKS@
Anyways, I'm going tonight. I was going alone and became panic stricken at having to face people I didn't know. THANKFULLY I called a friend and reached for help. She said she would go with me. I do need to get out of my hole on my own, but this is my first REAL big event, post affair and I was just really nervous.
I'm glad I asked her to go and happy she's coming. I can't sit in my house anymore and worry about the "what ifs" - Unless I start carving my path, I'll still be in this house 6 months from now WORRYING about him and my life instead of living it.
I'm excited, and nervous to go. Please say a prayer for me that I might get this job (if it's a good one {I have to work from home-I have 3 kids under 5}) because I need it for sanity and financially. This position allows me to do that.
Mary Ann, I can certainly relate about being an introvert. I absolutely hate to walk into a room, especially if no one knows me there. Even if people I know are there, I kind of shrink into myself.
The other day, I was at a Women's Church meeting. When the meeting started, my back was to the speaker. So, I turned my chair around to face her. When I did that, for some reason, the leg on the chair just folded on itself. It seemed like it took me 15 minutes to fall; everything was going in slow motion. When I finally completed my fall, my first thought was "Maybe no one noticed"!!!! Well, good grief----I was in the front of the room and I am not a small gal. So, I can relate about you not wanting to be noticed. Needless to say, everyone rushed up to me, asking if I was ok. Lord, I was so embarrased.
Now back to your current situation of your unemployment, your husband with his drinking and his affair. Sometimes you got to wonder just how much a person can stand. Well, you have to take it one day at a time. Life can throw you some curve balls and we just have to dodge them as much as we can.
Go to your meeting tonight. Be proud to be going there. Hold your head up high; just be careful of the chair you sit in-----lol
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Clara
------------------------------------ What don't kill you, makes you stronger!!!
I completely understand having the rest of the world think you are an extravert all the while truly being an introvert. There is so much of myself I've not let others in to see. This program has really helped me alot to move out of that unhealthy way of being.
May I please say I'm sorry you are going through this, that's alot to cope with, however by reaching out and pushing forward you won't let the affects of this disease take more of yourself away.
Please know you didn't cause this to happen, in other words it's not your fault. You didn't do anything to create the unfaithful behavior. It's said it's not uncommon for A's to have many areas in their lives that are obsessive and inappropriate.
Find a face to face meeting and keep reaching out. Your deserve happiness and success and peace of mind as well your children do. Courage doesn't come from having it but from continuing.
Fear and worry are not ours to deal with, taking care of ourselves by not getting too tired, too hungry, too angry, too lonely helps to keep a more steady footing in dealing with daily problems (I've found).
Let go of the guilt and shame for having lost your job, for your husband stepping out on you. Know he would have done that no matter who he was with. This isn't your issue to bear.
Keep coming back, keep posting, keep seeking suggestions from others who have walked this path before you. You are worth so much more. It helps me to (for just this moment ) let go of all the before issues and all of the worries of tomorrow and just do the next right thing.
You know before I met my A I was always going out having fun doing things for me getting out of the house. Once we started dating he decided he didn't like my friends and my friends didn't like him so much. So I started to just hang around him and he never wanted to do anything fun unless it involved poker or alcohol.
This past week I have been trying to get out each day. Even if it's just to take the kids to the park. Just sitting here all day drives me crazy. Also this is the longest I have went without a job. Been out of work 2 years. I signed up to start AVON but that doesn't help.
While I am at home I open all the blinds and windows when it's warm out to just get some sunlight in the house. It helps a little.
I am going through similar things you are and for awhile I wanted to just sit home all alone and not answer anyones calls. I didn't want to explain my situatin to them knowing they wouldn't understand. And I was worried about it all the time. Sitting at home gave me more time to worry about it.
So try to get out and do something it REALLy does help! Even if it's just short walk.
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"Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip." Will Rogers
Introvert...Isolationist...family nick name..."The Lone Ranger". That's all in the past and I had to work to get it there and have it stay there. I've tried alot of things to cover it up and only one thing that healed it...The Al-Anon Family Groups is what I attented so that after I became aware of it and admitted how damaging it was, that I could face it or....it would continue to stay with me for a long long sick period of time. Recognizing the devastation that alcoholism had in and on my life also had me recognize that it would not just go away by changing people, places and things. In fact that was true. When I changed me my life changed and I did good business with others because of it.
The affairs my alcoholic wife had while we were married were the worse affirmation I could have had as a husband, father, partner and individual. It wasn't fake nor was it triffling. I'm glad I found my way into the program and had a chance to heal before anything else. I soooo relate to your nick..."Inpain". That so describes me before getting here.
I hope you take part in the face to face meetings in your area and stick around them for a while. It does wonders for the pain of living in the disease.
THANKFULLY I called a friend and reached for help. She said she would go with me. I do need to get out of my hole on my own
I'm glad I asked her to go and happy she's coming. I can't sit in my house anymore and worry about the "what ifs" - Unless I start carving my path, I'll still be in this house 6 months from now WORRYING about him and my life instead of living it.
STRONG STRONG STRONG well done Inpain. You reached out, you went out and I hope it went well for you. Let us know if you get the job.
I too isolated for far too long, jumped at phonebells, doorbells etc etc. Getting to regular f2f's keeps me focused on me and gives me the strength to take it a day at a time.
Introverted I am not, so I have a particularly irritating habit of "advising" others to, "get up, get out, meet people, and enjoy yourself." Or words to that effect, knowing in my heart it is easier said than done for many.
You say, "I cannot sit in my house anymore and worry about 'what ifs'". It certainly would be better for you if you took your own advice here..:)
Do take care of yourself.
With caring, Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
well done Inpain. You reached out, you went out and I hope it went well for you. Let us know if you get the job.
