The material presented
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Hello I'm new to the board/forum as I need help coping with my wife who is a drunk. she's a funtional drunk as she holds a very good job and when she comes home she starts drinking. yes we've had words about it and now she attempts to hide the bottles all over the house. she doesn't believe she has a drinking problem which ofcourse is the problem.
so I turn to Al-anon for help....my 1st contact told me 3 things which all of you are familuar with...it does help me cope as I think of it every day and yes I know it's not my fault and there's nothing I can do about it and I can't cure it. it does help to know that...she won't discuss it with me, she just shuts me out.
I will be looking for an Al-anon face to face meeting in my area.
Welcome to the Board. We also have a chat room with 24/7 chat & two daily meetings. Good for you for seeking out al-anon for yourself. I have sat in some open AA/NA mtgs in which I heard things from addicts like, "If u corner an A with the truth they may admit to a quarter of it". They dont want to admit to themselves, so naturally they lie about it. I grew up with a "functional drunk" as so many are for many years until theri disease progresses & even their colleagues realize they have a problem. See, A's think they are fooling everyone & for a time, that's true. But the disease is progressive & shifts in plateaus, being married to one, undoubetdely you've ntoiced this. Al-Anon will help u learn to focus on you & not whether she's drinking or not. We learn we can detach from their turmoils & actions and that we can lead happy lives in spite of what they're doing. Be sure to pick up a beginner's packet &/or any other pamphlets u see layed out or that the chair person has. There will also be some books at the mtg of interest u may wish to purchase, they really help as it's a lot of new information to absorb.
Glad u found us! Hope u keep posting, reading & learning, this is an excellent forum to be a part of.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
Welcome John, I am glad you found us and are planning to attend al-Anon Face to Face meetings.
You are alone no longer. Here and at the meetings you will find people who understand as few others can. The tools alanon offers truly not only saved my life but enriched it beyond measure.
She knows its a problem herself also. What rational alcoholic hides their bottles?
Anyhow you have learned the basics and heard the first suggestion about getting to a face to face meeting. I welcome you hear man to man. Husbands of alcoholics have no more leg up on the disease than the women in the program who I use to think were crazy as hell and eventually helped me to find where I lost my butt and my head. I found them in the same place both attached to each other and almost in need of surgical removal. Al-Anon was where I was supposed to be quiet and humble, open minded and willing to get my life back. The early women in the program helped me and a lot of other guys find recovery and today for me I can't even see the scars.
Here in support along with the other guys here who have solid recovery.
You seem to be off and runnning in the right direction! So glad you found this board and are looking for a ftf meeting. Al-anon is the right place to be.
I had a wife who hid her booze under the seat of car, deep in the cabinets behind the towels in the bathrooms, behind boxes in the pantry....etc. etc. etc. That was her disease. Mine was looking for them! Oh..that and marking the levels on them with a pencil to see if she was sneaking drinks from them....ahem. Naaaa, probably just evaporation right?!??!
Keep coming back,
Yours in Recovery, David
p.s. - I have a 68 Dodge Dart with a healthy 318 in it. Not a "hotrod" really, but a beautiful car that I love to drive.
-- Edited by david62 on Thursday 16th of April 2009 07:51:44 AM
We are close to the same age, and dealing with the same problem, an active AW who is very functional, 12 to 15 beers a day at my house. Lots of people even on this board would question that, but it is a fact. Trust me I understand "functional". My AW does not work, for the past 5 years. She lost her job of 18 years at a bank because of guess what? Right. That gives her plenty of time for the disease to take a stronger and stronger hold. I know all about the hiding cans, bottles etc. Not been there done that. Am there, and see it everyday.
John, you are on the right track by getting yourself to f2f Al-Anon meetings. I promise you will find the help there that you need. Nothing at my house has changed since I started attending f2f meetings (two each week). My AW is drinking more beers that she was 2 1/2 years ago when I found Al-Anon. In is a progressive disease that continues to take, take, and take. I pray everyday for my HP to make her better or make her worse, so she might get the help she needs. I am just so tired of the middle that we are living in.
None of the above was meant to be negative. Negative is the last thing I am. The things above are just facts that I have come to accept. With the help of my HP, Al-Anon litature, f2f meetings, and using the tools of Al-Anon, I live my life in a much different way than before. It is easy to say we do not have any control over our AW's drinking. But, it is hard to get out of the "bubble" and really honestly accept and believe that there is absolutely nothing, zero we can do. I used to just say those words, now I accept and believe them in my heart. There is a huge diference between saying those words and believing those words. Al-Anon helped me get to that point.
Where does that leave me? It leaves me in the rooms of Al-Anon where I was told that the first thing I needed to do was take care of myself. I have been doing that for over two years now, I hope you consider doing the same. Your life will continue to improve, and you will not be alone, reguardless of where your AW is drinking or not.
MAN HUGS, RLC
P.S. Sorry John, no fast cars in Alabama, only State Troppers who have a way of reminding you when you get over the speed limit. Yep, been there, none that to!!
-- Edited by RLC on Thursday 16th of April 2009 04:14:05 PM
