The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
...it seems as if its a broken record- try to attend some face to face al-anon meetings and see what happens! All you have to lose is an hour of your time or less because you can always choose to walk out if you want. Its the most basic and most relevant piece of information on this board that is often repeated over and over-get thee to a face to face al anon meeting!
I know that sometimes its hard to find one and its always good to come here but I have found that face to face meetings provide me with things I cannot get on this board- 1.) REAL hugs that are authentic. We all need human touch and contact especially when we are freaked out and afraid and a real live hug can feel so comforting- its necessary to our biological selves, not just a luxury, 2.) along with the hugs comes eye contact, facial gestures, nodding heads not just from one person but from a whole room full! To really feel that level of understanding and see it all with your own eyes is also extremely healing, 3.) all the side conversations, individual chats, smiles, going for tea or coffee afterwards, step studies afterwards, womens group afterwards, whatever- its the fringe benefit of it all, 4.) make some new REAL friends who love you and actually know you and will accept you no matter how you walk into the rooms...there are so many more benefits and I hope others here will share why the face to face meetings matter so much.
For me, I will be honest- it was (and still is) very physical. I was raised in an alcoholic home and did not get enough nurturing (which is why I am so needy now!!! LOL) and nurturing happens in face to face al anon meetings so I do not need to look for it or expect it from people outside of the rooms. My sponsor is like the wise parent I never had who loves me and believes in me and can see into the heart of me. If I get involved in my face to face meetings and events I am keeping my nose out of others business especially the A's in my life. I am less likely to turn to A's for what I know they cannot provide. I am less likely to experience disappointment, resentment and anger when I have a good solid home group or a group of good solid groups to attend several times per week.
OK, I will get off the soapbox now, just need to plug how important attending face to face meetings really is. As many have said here- we need the support from others who really know how it feels and what its like. I think its much much more than just words- its actions, its feelings, its laughter and tears and facial gestures and hugs and eye contact, etc.-its physical!!!! hugs and much love, J.
You are so right. Those hugs are soooo great. I was very uncomfortable with them at first and would just shake hands with my brothers in recovery. But that too has become natural and nurturing.
I am even able to give hugs outside of Al-anon now!!! To men!!! wow!!
There really is no substitute for sitting in a Al-anon meeting for me.
I am headed to a 3 day meeting this weekend, my home groups annual AA/Al-Anon conference. I can't wait to see those members of my family I only get to see once a year, and to meet new family members...and of course....to get a whole arm full of hugs!!!
Also, I think f2f engages ALL of the senses in a way that online cannot. To see the others on similar journeys, to feel the energy of people gathered together to be honest, to hear them speaking with my actual ears..... and in particular, for me, to hear MYSELF speaking with my actual ears, and feel that speech resonating in my body. I was completely unprepared for how powerful hearing myself was going to be.
I agree Jean. I agree BOTH F2F and these online forums and chats BOTH serve a purpose. I agree with everything you wrote about F2F. There is so much I can get that I can't get online, but then online for me works too because it's ALWAYS here and I can talk about how I'm feeling without a scheduled time. The chat group is good too as I have 3 small children and can't always get out to a F2F. Last, but not least, sometimes, I'm just emotionally spent and I know going to a F2F would KILL me so online, it's safer, as no one can see me cry.
I prefer F2F, but online serves a huge purpose for me too.
I went to an F2F meeting Sunday, the first time I've made it in several months. I'm still trying to find something to fit into my routine that I can make regularly but right now I'm just hitting meetings whenever the opportunity pops up. At the meeting I saw an old friend from Alanon I haven't seen in 4 or more years, so we got caught up on life. I have to make my regular AA home group - that isn't optional for me. But being in a relationship, having pets to take care of, etc - it's harder to get out in the evenings. I'm seriously thinking of doing a Tuesday meeting. My GF has a regular activity on Tuesdays so she isn't there to take care of the dogs after work. That would mean making a trip home after work to let the dawgs out, put them back in, and then drive back to the meeting almost 100% backtracking but it may be worth it to get a regular F2F back on my docket.
You are right on! Today I went to my F2F and shared about my anger regarding my son and I received the most loving acceptance and validation. There's just no substitute. 3 others' shares were similar to mine yet different. What a gift! I, we, are not alone.
Thanks for bringing up such a great topic.
hugs right back at cha, friend Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
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