The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hubby and I went to Houston to see our "other daughter". She has a very normal life; no drama, thank God. She is the mother of my two beautiful twin granddaughters and is happily married.
While we were there(been there about 30 minutes) and my cell rings. It is ADaugher. She actually did know we were at her sister's house and I opened my mouth and told her we were in Houston.
When we got home Sunday afternoon, I had 2 very, very long messages from ADaughter that she left about an hour after she found out I was at her sister's. She was very upset with me because I did not inform her that we were going to Houston. Well, good grief!!! There are lots of people I did not tell and besides I don't think I need permission from anyone.
She claims(and rightly so) that we go to Houston and don't invite her along. Well, we don't want the drama she would bring along. I could not bear the thought of being in the car with her 5 hours, coming and going. Been there, done that.
I honestly do not know if she was drinking when she left the message, or if i was experience "dry drunk" epsoide from her. It could be either way. Anyway, I did not respond, nor do I plan on responding (or reacting) to her. Well, except here. She makes me so angry!!!!! Why does she speak to me with such hate in her voice and then the next day act like nothing happened.
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Clara
------------------------------------ What don't kill you, makes you stronger!!!
I am glad you visited your daughter and grandchildren for the holiday.
It sounds as if you have really learned to take care of yourself and not react/respond to your Adaughter. Your observation, that one day she speaks to you with such anger and the next day she is normal is a great awareness.
The tools of alanon helped me not to buy into the mood swings of the A. I had to learn how to detach from their emotional blackmail and stay centered on myself and what I needed to do to maintain my serenity.
Coming here and posting really helps, as does the serenity prayer and the slogan let go and let God.
Nice work- practice, practice and practice will make this easier- she is accustomed to you jumping when when she has a fit and when you stop doing that- that is the "change" that will alter the dynamic between all of you. Keep strong and do whatever is needed to take good care of yourself. I know its not comfortable but it will get comfortable the more you practice. hugs, J.
You did exactly the right thing with your A daughter. You did what was in the best interest of you and your family. It doesn't matter whether or not she is sober, the "isms" can still be there. I wouldn't want to be stuck in the car either. Been there done that with my A brother in law. Scary.
This is exactly the place to vent. Now look back on what a wonderful day you had with the grandchildren. I hope the Easter Bunny was extra good to them. Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
What Strength... WOW... Where was you last week :) My Currant thorn in my side is my Abrother, I am getting better at the "Not Reacting" but sometimes like you said...You just get so Angry... You did great!!!
The main thing is...You got to spend time with your grandbabies, and other daughter that you don't get to see as much, that is what should have made your week...
The one "That talks to you that way", isn't your daught, its the disease..In my thoughts... My Afather was like that as well..He would say stuff like, "Its Never Enough" or "Can't You See What YOUR Doing to me", and it was Very Hurtful when you think of him as "Superman" and he slowly starts to Deflate you...But You Push On... I will always love my Afather, and now that he has past I miss him terrible... But the father I try to remember the most, is the one that "Was" Loving, Caring, compassionate, Gentle" as I am sure your daughter was before the disease got to her... But it is Her Disease, all you can do is Love You, Love Her, and let her make her own bad choices... Till she finally See's her own HP...
In moments like this, grab a pic of your grandbabies, and remember that :) You Did Well... Your Strength , Gave me Strength as well...
Take what you like and leave the Rest :) Keeping you in my Prayers Jozie
-- Edited by Jozie on Monday 13th of April 2009 08:43:05 AM
Thanks everyone for the encouraging and supportive words. It really helps to know that I can come here and just vent!!!
Will not be able to go to my al-anon meeting today, Husband has a doctor apt. and his truck would not start. I told him his dr. apt was more important than my al-anon meeting. He wanted to cancel his apt., but I told him to go anyway. So, I will come here instead of my in person meeting.
Thanks again everyone.
__________________
Clara
------------------------------------ What don't kill you, makes you stronger!!!
Why does she speak to me with such hate in her voice and then the next day act like nothing happened. 
