The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This is one of my favorite...... just wanted to share because I truly believe that when we persist with prayers of what it is we want God gives it to us. However, it isn't always in the form we expect it to happen. All Gods way of helping us grow as individuals.
I Asked For and God Gave
I asked for strength and God gave me difficulties to make me strong.
I asked for wisdom and God gave me problems to solve.
I asked for prosperity and God gave me brawn and brain to work.
I asked for courage and God gave me dangers to overcome.
I asked for patience God placed me in situations where I was forced to wait.
I asked for love and God gave me troubled people to help.
I asked for favours and God gave me opportunities.
I received nothing I wanted I received everything I needed.
My Prayers Have Been Answered.
God is truly amazing and at times we can all be stubborn and foolish, BUT ONLY He works EVERYTHING for good in His time. It's awesome that you can love your a as much as you do, as I love my ex a as well and always will. He will ALWAYS be a part of my heart. Unfortunately though, I just couldn't find the strength to go on in the relationship and in turn found myself wanting God in my life desparately, which isn't so bad now that He is first. Perhaps that is why I had to make that choice to end my relationship-- to grow stronger in my relationship with God. In church today, the Pastor said that if we suffer and are in pain for doing something in our heart we know is right, which this being the case, I love my ex a, then we are truly blessed. However, if we suffer and are in pain for doing something that is wrong, then it is not Gods way for us. It is up to us to strengthen that relationship with God to determine whether what we feel in pain and suffering is due to a blessing from God.
I just wanted to "say" that I so enjoy reading your posts. You help me greatly. It is so hard to love and miss someone so much, and not even know what's going on in their life. Recovery is the hardest thing I have ever done. Please keep posting, and please pray for me as I try to trust that God will continue to restore my sanity, and that it is His will, not mine, that will lead me to serenity. I need to grow stronger in my relationship with God.
Thank you for the post. God truely does work in mysterious ways.....we may think we "know" what it is we "need" in life, but when it all boils down, we do not. God gives us all that we need to be peaceful and happy in our lives, even in times of uncertainty. I know that without all of the things that I have experienced in life (good and bad) I would not be the person that I am today. Today, I am at peace with myself, those around me, as well as those that do not have my best interest at heart. For recognizing that God is stronger than anyone who would wish bad things apon me. When I am feeling weak, I can lean on His strength to guide and comfort me through even the darkest times. Even when I feel like things are going to boil over, and explode inside of me, I can pray for the direction, and ability to make it to the next day.
Yes, I must agree recovery is the hardest thing I continue to deal with in my life-- if not with me, with seeing my children go through their beginning stages of anger, bitterness, sadness from all the abuse mentally, emotionally, and verbally. It took me a long time and I still struggle with seeing their reaction to situations and not reacting to the triggers of emotional pain it triggers in me. I know-- I'm getting healthier because I can stay calm and not feel MY pain all over again as if what goes on is something I'm reliving. Yet, I feel the pain of their hurt inside of them and all I can do is pray for them.
Seeing my children go through their struggles helps me greatly see the impact that the struggles had on my life being involved with people who were so insensitive throughout my life. It further strengthens having to make the decision to get out of an unhealthy relationship once and for all-- even if that means I am single the rest of my life. I am finally at a point of acceptance with that and if that is God's will I am ready to sacrifice companionship completely. It hurts though, but what helps me through it is the thoughts of someone I love so much, deep in my heart AND knowing that I had the ability to love someone so deeply satisfies me tremendously. It was my last relationship that I learned the true meaning of love and the blessing God gives us to fully love. With that I am thankful and truly blessed. :)
I remember when I was in the marriage with my childrens father-- how cold I had become, bitter, always, pretending to be strong, but essentially becoming numb and cold, miserable, hated waking up in the mornings and saw life as if it were a BLACK fog. I couldn't find anything good in life and wanted to die. I had NO love-- even couldn't share the love with my babies because I was so lost in the abuse and thoughts of having no hope in a difficult, difficult world..... As time passed though and with the surprising discovery of who God is, my life began to change and my thoughts go back to when I was a child just wanting to give to my family because I just loved to love because it was in my heart, as well as to be loved. Of course not realizing then that the effort as a child to love was ONLY an attempt to be loved, thinking if I love as much as I could, I would be loved back since I was neglected, and so this carried into my adult life with choices I've made for unhealthy relationships.
The realization of this though is so freeing and in turn, I have become who I once was as a child-- loving to love.. Gosh, I even cry watching movies and stuff I hadn't ever done in my life as far back as I can remember over the age of 10. However, it feels GREAT-- to watch a movie or have tears fill my eyes when I hear a happy or sad story. THAT LOVE is the ONLY LOVE I NEED and that is the love of God in my heart. God has given me a beautiful home on a lake this past year, in which I wake even on days off from work at 6 am to the beautiful sun shining on the water out my living room windows, while I can sit and drink my coffee listening to the water and the birds, wonderful people I work with and so many others to offset the negative people I have in my life. Ironically, mornings now are my favorite time of the day. I never want to miss waking so early. There is NO doubt that God wants what is best for me and I look forward to spending eternity with Him.
When I think of my ex, I feel this love as well.. I can remember our good times and thank God for having him in my life for a time to experience this love fully as well-- a love I can keep with me and remember, as I grow in my relationship with God now.
Yes, God is amazing..... I believe I shared with many of you that I am writing an autobiography. I thought I'd post my opening or "Words from the author" here for you to view to get an idea of where I'm going with my autobiography. I am excited with the thought of completing it to the current date by the end of this summer....
It’s the fear of being alone, having nobody there for you.
In a cold, bitter, harsh world, as life had been seen through the eyes
of an abused and emotionally unstable child.
A child that fought coming into this world because she knew as that infant,
being not even 1 hour old, the world she was about to enter had much turmoil and hatred.
Experience the thoughts that occur as this child reflects back
on some of her most personal, emotional experiences, which relate to
dating, marriage and complete instability in herself.
Until one day, it all becomes quite clear…
Her life was going to change, but not because of the situations around her changing,
or the people, but because of an overwhelming sense of peace that she had
never known to feel within herself.
The ability to cope and not give up, despite any circumstances
The ability to feel the love within that so many people struggle to gain their entire lifetime
What had all the tragedy been about in her life?
Furthermore, what would become of her future after many realizations of tragic incidents having occurred in a dark past.
