The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My A left a message a couple of hours ago saying he was being discharged from a hospital and asking if he could sleep in my van, then answered his own question with "it's probably no but I've got nowhere to go." I haven't taken any of his calls in 48 hours. But I know if I talk to him, I'll probably try to help him. I haven't said a word to the kids about any of this latest round of calls.... but my oldest wants to talk to her daddy and I can't let her right now.
It's cold and rainy here in southern New England (he always picks wonderful weather to be out in) and I just finished doing Easter Bunny duty. But I feel awful that he's out there in the cold. Intellectually I know it's his own doing, but it hurts. I feel like such a ***ch. I know I'm not, but that's the way I'm feeling right now.
I'm off to try to get a few hours of sleep before my little ones wake up to explore the goodies waiting for them.
(((Linda))) I don't have anything to say except keep doing whatever you need to, to take care of yourself and your kids. (He's a grownup- he gets last place priority.)
You have enough program in you to know that you are doing what is best for you and your children. I know it's hard because they want to talk to their Dad. Concentrate on them and yourself and all will be well.
It's a brisk, cold New England morning. But the sun is glorious. I've already went for my walk. I have not seen the Easter Bunny or the Easter Beagle (remember Charlie Brown?). Pipers was out hunting for easter eggs this morning. Alas she came in to find the Easter Beagle left her more treats and a new tunnel to play in. May the little ones have a wonderful day. Much love and blessings to you and your family. HAPPY EASTER!
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
ugh! The guilt, it's so stinky. I would suffer from it quite a bit, when I was first learning to prioritize myself, my wishes, dreams, life. I used logic with myself a lot in the program along the way. I wanted health & that meant learning to be a little selfish sometimes. I was such a bleeding heart -- but was devoid of compassiion for self. All the times I was desperately trying to rescue someone else -- who was rescuing me? I decided to rescue me.
Guilt is a negative emotion & it's a waste of time and energy. Refocus on you. If AH got released, he will find somewhere to get to. Like he said, he knew already you wouldnt be willing to rescue him today. He will sort it out. Focus on YOU & ur kiddos. They do deserve a great holiday. My only suggestion when u or your kids are worried about your AH, is that u could pray together, aloud for your AH & then let it go. Praying together as a family would not only be great bonding & strengthening but also teaching this coping skill to the kids too.
Taking space, setting boundaires can be difficult but it is a healthy thing to do. You deserve the best.
__________________
Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
It is my experience that no detox or rehab will release an A without at the very least a list of shelters.
Not only is he a grown up, but he is a grown up "in the system" and in my experience, they are far more "taken care of" then we sober people ever are (by the system that is).
Stay strong. This is not your fault. If you had that much power over him and his life you would use your "power" for good and he would not be an A....
I honestly believe caller ID was invented for Al-Anon members.
Whenever my ADaugher calls and i see her number, I always think "Oh now what"; and if I am not in the mood, or I do not want to go to the deep dark place with her, I do not answer.
I also told her about 3 weeks ago that she could not come to this house, even if it means sleeping in her vehicle.
They make their own choices; so should we. Hang in there.
__________________
Clara
------------------------------------ What don't kill you, makes you stronger!!!
Linda try giving yourself a reason to let him call the AA hotline for help. If you haven't been able to fix him in the past chances are you haven't learned to fix him today either. HP wants him to reach out to the recovering community. I pray he gets to do that. ((((hugs))))
