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Horrible voice message on my landline last night from my AH who left me in January, I ended up all night and I have to go to work this morning. It went along the lines of "you will have to talk to me sometime" (will I?) I assume its you been telling my ex (mother of his daughter) that Ive got lots of money", Im getting lots of grief - he then went on to say that he didnt tell her about the large debt he cleared with the money (our debts) which he obviously now deeply resents paying and talks as if he was doing me a big favour - I also took out the same amount on my mortgage to pay our debts a year earlier, difference is mine is now on my mortgage forever.....oh he bets I didnt tell her that when I told her he had money.......Nasty, bitter, blaming when I have had to hear from his ex, how he asked to go back to her whilst we were married, how he blamed me for not giving her money..i wouldnt let him!! All sorts of other treacherous behaviours and things hes said to people in pubs!! But, its me thats being chastised....he just cannot do any wrong...his dislike for me since we separated shocks me quite frankly..I have had several phone calls when he hasnt spoken over the last few days, I thought he was missing me, it gave me strength, salved my ego, but now I know he just wants to have a go at me. so cruel, I have done nothing or said nothing about any of the things hes said and done. I was told in a previous thread on Getting them sober forum to sit back and watch the show, I think the curtain just went up! Thanks for listening..Lilly
(((lilly))))) I totally relate. When I asked my husband to leave as nicely as I could after all those years of "enough", he said "Well ,if I'm going- I want my cut". I was astounded as I was not thinking along those lines and not that far down the road. Focussing on our relationship was where I was at. Like a fool I was expecting him to be upset that I didn't love him anymore!! But alcoholics can't love. And their totally selfish in their deluded state. They also are the best bluffers ever. They can be the cruelest people on the planet too. They know too well what your breaking point is or what you are most scared of and they will pull that out just before you are about to take a step that will bring change! But it's a sickness and we have to get ourselves to a place where it cannot hurt us. That's what I was determined to do. Not let anything he did or said hurt me. It has eventually led to us being separated with no going back until and unless he completely changes and recovers which will take years......or may never happen. Bless you. Silverby
LB, sounds like you are better off without him- how about that? I lived with a horrible mean diseased person for years, I had taken a vow "in sickness and in health". The disease blamed me for everything bad and everything was always bad- nothing was ever OK or good or even so-so. Every conversation was about how wrong I was, how ugly I was, how I was doing and behaving wrong and how mistaken I was, constantly. After years of that w/o program, I got program but it was too late, I was fried, plain and simple. And its all turned out for the best. I am healing. It may take the rest of my life and that is OK. I am good now- some days are rough and some days are grand. Its a life! Hugs, J.
As suggested to you, "sit back and watch the show", or better yet, ignore it.. Your A created his own circumstances. Whatever he is angry about is his to deal with along with the consequences. I would leave it with him and let him own his own anger. I also wouldn't be too concerned with what he says, you said, to whom. So he's mad..So he's blaming you...so what!!. If you feed in to it, it will continue, back and forth. It's like a tornado that will suck you in to the vortex if you allow it. We all know that a tornado will suck in everything in it's path then spit out the debris.
By the way, the definition of "debris" is: Debris: is a word used to describe the remains of something that has been otherwise destroyed. Fitting isn't it?
You absolutely do not have to pick up those calls. Physically or mentally. YOU are in control of you. File those calls under "It sucks to be you, Mr. A"
Christy
-- Edited by Christy on Saturday 11th of April 2009 10:50:05 AM
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
You absolutely do not have to pick up those calls. Physically or mentally. YOU are in control of you. File those calls under "It sucks to be you, Mr. A"
I absolutely loved that, Christy! I clearly remember when my sponsor told me all those years ago it wasn't necessary to take the calls from EXAH. What a concept!
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"If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience." - Woodrow Wilson
Thank you for those absolute pearls of wisdom..I will not take his calls in fact, Im going to change my number...then he has absolutely no way to contact me and I can clear away some other people attached to him at the same time. Then I can be in peace..which is just where I was starting to get to as my life comes back together step by step. Thank you again. Lillyxx
Thank you for those absolute pearls of wisdom..I will not take his calls in fact, Im going to change my number...then he has absolutely no way to contact me and I can clear away some other people attached to him at the same time. Then I can be in peace..which is just where I was starting to get to as my life comes back together step by step. Thank you again. Lillyxx
There you go! When the ex-fiance walked out on me almost 10 years ago, a short time later I started receiving threatening vulgar calls from some drunk woman he had apparently started seeing before he ever called it quits with me.
After the second phone call from her in 10 minutes time, I was talking to the phone company, got a new unlisted number, and that was the end of that!
(((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
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"If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience." - Woodrow Wilson
Horrible voice message on my landline last night from my AH who left me in January, I ended up all night and I have to go to work this morning. It went along the lines of "you will have to talk to me sometime" (will I?) I assume its you been telling my ex (mother of his daughter) that Ive got lots of money", Im getting lots of grief - he then went on to say that he didnt tell her about the large debt he cleared with the money (our debts) which he obviously now deeply resents paying and talks as if he was doing me a big favour - I also took out the same amount on my mortgage to pay our debts a year earlier, difference is mine is now on my mortgage forever.....oh he bets I didnt tell her that when I told her he had money.......Nasty, bitter, blaming when I have had to hear from his ex, how he asked to go back to her whilst we were married, how he blamed me for not giving her money..i wouldnt let him!! All sorts of other treacherous behaviours and things hes said to people in pubs!! But, its me thats being chastised....he just cannot do any wrong...his dislike for me since we separated shocks me quite frankly..I have had several phone calls when he hasnt spoken over the last few days, I thought he was missing me, it gave me strength, salved my ego, but now I know he just wants to have a go at me. so cruel, I have done nothing or said nothing about any of the things hes said and done. I was told in a previous thread on Getting them sober forum to sit back and watch the show, I think the curtain just went up! Thanks for listening..Lilly
