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I have two questions. The first leads me to the second. My A and I had counceling this week and he has been dry 4 months. Our conselor said to start some activities with non-alcohol drinking friends. My A was very excited about doing that, only has no idea how. He doesn't know ANYONE on a friendship level yet that doesn't drink except one person.
He came home to look up dry events in our area and had no luck.
Anyways, my first question is, if I help him find dry events, is that trying to "control" him or enable him? I'm so confused by this. I'm obviously new. He's not as good on the computer as I am.
This leads me to my second question: WHERE can you find dry events in your town or area? Seriously. They are non-existent where I am. I looked on the AA website and there was nothing. I looked on the Al-Anon site, there is nothing. I feel like this is all an underground club or something. I never showed him I was looking for anything because I want to make sure I'm not trying to "control" or enable this situation. I'm paranoid, but I know it would be fun for both of us.
Dry events? How about going out for breakfast with some friends? At a place that does not serve alcohol like Perkins or something? Just go out to breakfast/lunch/dinner with friends at places that do not serve alcohol. There must be plenty of places that are like that. Movies? There is soda and popcorn. Alot of coffee houses and coffee shops have poetry readings, etc. or sometimes live music. They do not serve alcohol. Go to a park and have a picnic and grill out and don't bring any alcohol along! Go hiking. Birdwatching with binoculars. Go to the gym or go swimming or go watch a high school ball game in a high school gym where they do not serve alcohol. Go to a museum or gallery to look at art or history displays. Geez there a lots of things one can do that does not need to involve alcohol. Hugs and have fun exploring- J.
Did your counselor specifically make this HIS project? If so, I think I'd leave it alone.
If not- most outdoorsy/fitnessy things are dry. Is it warm enough there to go hiking? Out here REI has classes on a lot of things. Maybe it's time to join a rock climbing gym? Volunteering at the pound? Learning to sail? Sorry if these aren't useful- I've been informed that I have limited interests.
Sometime's it's worth looking on craigslist or the back of the paper to see whatelse is going on. Maybe there's a bagpipe contest or some other random thing that sounds new and entertaining.
I'm bad at making friends and am pretty reserved and the only thing that works for me is to do the same thing over and over. Take a dance class and ALWAYS go at 7 pm on Wednesdays, or ALWAYS go for coffee at 11 am on Saturdays.
Al-anon and AA BBQs are good for this sort of thing, too, but I haven't taken advantage yet. I got to 3 meetings a week usually, and feel pretty 12-stepped out. I grew up in an NA family, though, and those were our usual BBQ guests.
So- take what you like and leave the rest. Good luck!
Hi! I too am from NH and sitting here thinking and cannot think of any year round activities that don't serve. The time of year is coming up though that all the destinations up north like Castle In the Clouds will be opening up, usually in May. I don't know what part of NH you live in but they make nice day trips. We have children 14, 4 and 1 yr so we do a lot of kid things in the summer. It does not hurt to look your self in case he asks. Good Luck Holly
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You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice.
I think he was trying to get him to see living can be fun without drinking, I dont see any harm in asking him to go do something with you, just remember, It is not up to you to save him
Lots of great suggestions from Jean and the others. Do you attend al-anon meetings? Someone in the meeting will probably have a list of recovery events scheduled. Look on your State or Area's AA or Al-Anon web site, they usually list upcoming conventions or roundup's. These are great weekends full of recovery and fellowship.
http://www.nhaa.net/events/2009_Calendar.html
As to whether or not its "okay" for you to look for things to do...you said you both went to counseling, was the counselor only talking to him?
Regardless, its your life too. These kind of events are for your benefit too. Look for yourself then invite him to come along? Just my two cents.
Diversify! He doesn't have to "attend", he can "create" Is there anything he has always wanted to do? Something that would include lessons?
There is always volunteering to be done, while allowing him to feel a useful part of society. Habitat for Humanity, community development, help the hungry or homeless, organize or join a group to clean up parks and streams, donate time to a local food bank.
Maybe he is just stuck on what to do. You can give him ideas w/o actually setting it up for him.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
I looked up your Bio and found out we are in neighboring states LOL...Me in confusion and you in Turmoil!! It's okay to laugh and by the way whatever event I go to no matter what or when or why they don't serve alcohol...to me because it's is me who had to learn to say NO thank you for the right reason. I can enjoy what ever event if I decide to enjoy it and alcohol always met my lips with my permission. Just for info both my Al-Anon and AA fellowships have lots of outside "dry" events. Tomorrow is our annual "Easter Feaster" which is a meeting and fellowship, preparation/cooking and fellowship, easter eggs hunt and fellowship, eating and fellowship, cleaning up and fellowship and? I am old enough and legal enough to pretty much go where ever and when ever I choose always I choose not to drink. I have two fishing poles (one is being punished at the moment for not minding me) which are events. I always have fished better without alcohol.
Give yourselves time and practice the sentence "no". If you want to practice the longer version it's "no thank you."
Keep coming back (((((hugs)))))
-- Edited by Jerry F on Saturday 11th of April 2009 04:17:08 PM
I'm a little further south in MA. Try googling "family events" or functions. There's lots of stuff to do without booze involved. As the weather improves, you can go swimming, boating, strawberry picking, walk along the beach. There ae lots of sports leagues forming, if you have an interest in that - softball, soccer, bowling. Your AH could get a book about hobbies and see what interests him - woodworking, photography, visiting museums, libraries, etc. Join a book club. There are lots of places - fairs and events - where alcohol may be served, but it's not the main attraction and there are plenty of other things to do.
InPain, Lots of good ideas suggested in these posts. One that I didn't see was attending a church or synagoge of your choice. If your HP is God, churches have lots of activities that you can get involved in. Just a suggestion. Take what you like and leave the rest. java
Thanks everyone, After reading these I feel stupid for asking. I had a "DUH" moment. I guess his counselor was concerned about us making new "non-alcoholic" friends and that's the sort of activities I had thought I could readily find....LOL, not thinking about how simple some of your suggestions were.
I think there are a ton of things we could do "sober" - I guess we are both fish out of water here!!! Need some NA friends...LOL
