New here - AH relapsed recently - worried - Al-Anon Family Group

Christi23 · Newbie

New here - AH relapsed recently - worried

Sincerely · Senior Member

Hello and Welcome!

When you find out how not to worry about him, please let me know. I too don't want my marriage to end. But this is not happiness. Can I be happy and stay in this marriage? Yes, I can figure out how to do that. And so can you. Just be gentle on yourself. When I find that I am angry, bitter, hateful, scared and everything else except happy, I find that I have also blocked HP out of my life. They are big boys, it's time they put on their big boy panties. They are gonna whatever they want to do. SO TAKE CARE OF YOU! Keep coming back!

Sincerely,
Tonya

lmw · Senior Member

(((((Chrsti23)))))

Welcome to MIP. It takes time, practice and practice and then more practice, and then the worry might not be so pronounced, but it isn't as overwhelming as it was before.

I'm trying to kick thoughts of my A out of my head right now; if I get busy with something I'll succeed for a while. And right now, I'm just thinking of the next couple minutes....

Are you able to attend face-to-face Al Anon meetings in your area? If not there are online meetings here twice a day.

Keep coming back.

Linda

-- Edited by lmw on Wednesday 8th of April 2009 07:48:24 PM

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Chrsti

Welcome to MIP. I am sorry that your husband has relapsed and that you are frightened (naturally) about the outcome.

I am glad you are here. Alanon has tools to help us relieve the fear and anxiety that are a part of living with this disease.

Face to face meetings, which you can find in the white pages, meetings here 2xs a day, Sharing on line and most important- Live One Day at A Time. Do NOt Project into The Future or go to the Past.

Focus on yourself and what you need to do to stay sane, Let go of your Husband's actions and Let God handle that problem

Please keep coming back

Alanon will really save your life

-- Edited by hotrod on Wednesday 8th of April 2009 07:55:50 PM

Christi23 · Newbie

Thanks everyone. The f2f meetings here are sporadic, at weird times. I did do an online one just a couple of days ago.

I'm going to try and take it day by day, and I think that's all I can do.

I will keep coming back!

maresie · ~*Service Worker*~

I think reading helps. Get everything you can on codependency. Get the Al anon books, make time for it.

There is a primer on detaching at www.coping.org. Reading is one part, practising is another. You have to practice and be willing to not be that great at it in the beginning. I do know absolutely its worth it to learn how to detach.

Good luck

Maresie.

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

You say u know the 3'cs great , now it's time to work them and get the focus back on you where it belongs , I am assuming u arent going to meetings for yourself ,having your own program will change your life for the better and to me it's the best way to support our partners efforts at sobriety . the relaps is his don't take it on . It takes about 10 min for an AA member to make new friends in prog so strange city is just another excuse . Please find meetings for yourself the alcoholic is not the only one who has to make changes , we all do . We have a part in this mess like it or not and until we stop doing what doesnt work nothing will change .
By going to Al-Anon meetings for yourself u may find your husb will follow and get involved again , and if he dosent it's a win win situation for you , regardless of what he does u will have support from people who understand . good luck Louise

Worry is like a rocking chair , it gives u somethng to do but gets u no where.

another one liner I like is If you pray , why worry === and if you worry why Pray ?

CJ · ~*Service Worker*~

(((christi)))

I just want to echo what Abby had to say... you may know the 3 c's, but practicing detachment is more than just knowing. If you love this man, let him go do what he needs to do -- and you do what you need to do. You don't have to judge whether his side of the street is clean or dirty or whatever... it begins with you.

YOU can communicate what is acceptable/not acceptable. YOU can communicate what the consequences of unacceptable behavior will be. YOU can follow through and not have to wonder what you need to be doing. and most importantly, YOU can think about all of these things ahead of time and write them down so there is not any miscommunication, so not to confuse EITHER you or him.

Oh... and relationships??? they are hard!
Good luck! You are not alone!!!!
CJ

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.