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Well my husband has told me that he does NOT want to go to rehab (been there, done that). He doesn't believe in it. He knows that his drinking got out of control, but that's only because he has been stressed out. He thinks that as long as he can control his drinking, he will still be able to drink.
I didn't know what to do after that, so I called my Dad. He said that I shhould tell my husband that if he doesn't want to go to rehab, then he needs to get out of the house, because I can't trust him.
My brother-in-law spent the night last night and is still here, so I told him what my dad suggested. He agreed, so we told my husband that he has a choice, he can either go into rehab or go spend a few days at his mother's house to think about things. His mother has NO IDEA what is going on and he doesn't want her to know.
So guess what he decided to do????? He's going to spend a few days in a hotel to get his head straight (so he says). My brother-in-law and I don't like the idea, but if he's insisting on it, then we have to just make sure he's safe. We're not going to let him have a car and we're going to take away his money and credit cards.
I just don't know what to do anymore - this is all so confusing.
Your first paragraph wreaks with the familiar manipulation and denial.
"Doesn't believe in it"=excuse to hang on to the disease. "Only because he's stressed out"=Denial that he is addicted. "as long as he can control his drinking, he will still be able to drink"=more denial of his inability to control and a reason to keep drinking.
We've probably all heard a form of these reasons plus more I heard all of the above along with "I drink because I like the taste". In my experience it's all a load of BS. The disease will say and do anything to thrive. Your husband could believe these things to be so but I truly doubt it.
Alcoholics can't do "controlled drinking". If that were the case it would have been under control long ago. Don't buy ANY of it. We have a saying in Alanon. Watch what they do, not what they say. I have to agree with Dad. There's certainly nothing wrong with making him "prove it", even if it's six months before he comes back.
Take care of you, Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Hi I am so sorry that the outcome was not what had been planned. This is not at all unusual. Denial is a vey powerful part of this disease. I am glad you have your brother=in=law there and can talk with your Dad.
We really are powerless over this disease so please take care of yourself.
Live one day a a time, come here and post and please try to get to meetings here or face to face.
Your life depends on your focusing on yourself and taking care of you.
Praying fo you and your Family
-- Edited by hotrod on Wednesday 8th of April 2009 07:54:07 PM
Let him go! Get a pedicure, rent a movie, order pizza!!!!!
The week my husband moved out was a vacation to me!!!! He eventually came back home, he missed the comforts of home. I refused to keep it comfortble. Told him rehab by Friday or I was filing for divorce by Monday. He choose rehab. Went 4 days. He's back and I'm ready for another vacation. It's work, girl! I feel your pain. Especially if he is in denial. My A is working the program. He goes to about 3 meetings a day. And it is still work.
The fact that he is hiding this from his mom is not surprising. He will not admit that he has a problem and by going to his Mom, he will have to face the music.
I know this from experience with my ADaughter.
My heart and prayers are with you.
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Clara
------------------------------------ What don't kill you, makes you stronger!!!
