Out Patient Recovery - Al-Anon Family Group

peacewithin · Veteran Member

Out Patient Recovery

inhisarms · Veteran Member

Peacewithin, I know what you mean about not looking for the beer but having to constantly see it....My ABF would leave the bottles in the trash and everytime i went to empty it, i could hear the bottles clanging together. It drove me crazy, because i didnt want to know and would end up slipping and saying something about it. He would then throw in my face " you are not working your program, thought you were gonna leave me be" I found a solution, i just let the trash pile up for days until he finally started taking it out. Maybe you can just put a case of soda in the inside fridge so you dont have to go to the garage all the time. Minimize your exposure so to speak.

As for the counseling, as tough as it is, you have to let it go and let his HP bring him out of denial. No matter what counseling wont hurt and may open new doors. Its tough, but remember he has to decide he has a problem before he can truely get help.

Sending HUGS

maresie · ~*Service Worker*~

30 years is a huge commitment. I managed 7 years with the ex A. In the end it was utter hell. Focusing on ourselves is such hard work. Last night an alcoholic I know was making very rude comments on the bus I was on. I really worked at not showing him any reaction. Alcoholics like to provoke us and get us mad. When we can't be provoked they have to take another attitude. So in fact when we can focus on ourselves we do indeed push them towards recovery.

I gave the ex A many many ultimatums. In al anon we have a suggestion don't say it till you mean it. I gave the ex A a hundred and one utimatums about lots of things. He followed through on none of them. Of course the focus of our resentment is them but when we can shift our focus to what we can control (ourselves) we gain a lot of acceptance and energy. Believe me I know it is terrbly hard. I obsessed about the ex A for years. I felt my very survival hinged on him. Now I don't. In fact I haven't spoken to the ex A now for more than a year. I make a point of not answering when he calls. Now his calls are down to once a week and I imagine he'll stop at some point as he gets no response from me. If he doesn't stop he is still not going to ruin my serenity.

Maresie.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Deb. Welcome to the board. Just some info on the chemical Alcohol...it is a
liquid depressant. It causes relaxation of the physical system...depresses mental
skills, speach skills, motor reflexes etc etc...we all have seen and know it so your
alcoholic will be late in finding out and admitting to it for other reasons.   I love the
refer in the garage evidence. That was my family and of course myself for a time
until getting into Al-Anon and then also AA myself.   When you are soooo sensitized
to the alcoholics drinking it is almost as if you can look thru the refer door without
opening it and find the beer; xray vision. I use to jump when my alcoholic wife
use to pop the top on any carbonated drink thinking that it had to be a beer and
here we go again.   I was owned by the disease by that time and soooo deep in
denial I might as well have been on Mars. LOL

What helped me most and most of the other recovering people in my life today is
Al-Anon; face to face meetings, literature, steps - slogans - traditions and whole
new way of looking at life and living it.   It saved my life so that I would have the
grateful opportunity of telling others.   I would suggest that you go find the hot-line
number in your telephone book's white pages for Al-Anon and call to get the
meeting times and locations and then get there as soon as possible.   If you don't
get help it will get worse.   It's not only the alcoholic that goes thru the depression.

Keep coming back (((((hugs))))) smile

gardenfairy · Member

ALANON has been a Godsend and a huge eye-opening experience for me these past two weeks.

I've been knowing about AA but never considered going to Alanon. Alcoholism truly affects the entire family. I was impressed to read one or two storys aboutan AA member that agreed to go to Alanon because of his learning that his disease had affected his family. The family healed together.

I didn't realize how much the Alcoholic affects every one around them, and most especially family. My 24 year old son became an alcoholic in 6 short months, and I became whatever it was I somehow fell into the trap of being - the illness, madness, insanity- I tagged right along with him.

Before I realized this I discovered I was losing control ...literally falling apart and my life was out of balance. My house always a mess because I was bailing him out of situations. I wasn't sure what to do to help him or myself. I was getting professional therapy, my mom died two weeks ago, and then I thought...GOOD GRIEF - I am lost - WHAT NEXT??

I found myself talking with a friend at my mom's graveside funeral service about my grief and the situation with my son being an alcoholic she suggested at my mom's funeral to go to Alanon just once. I did.

I'm glad because I didn't know that his stinking drinking would make me have stinking thinking!

I had no idea and didn't even realize I was as sick in my thinking as he was in his drinking! I'm getting well and my therapist couldn't be happier that I'm 12 stepping!

I am about to step out now - I'm on my way out to my 4th meeting because of all the strength I find at the meeting hearing everyone's stories. It's not their stories that are giving me the strength but the STRENGTH and calmness they exhibit in the meeting. I feel so calm for that one hour being around this support.

You can tell the members believe what they say and mean what they say. It's as if some of the members don't even have problems, or don't have an active alcoholic living with them - they truly walk their steps and live them.

These pioneers that have stepped ahead of me tell me when I"m leaving: "keep coming back, the steps work when you work the steps".

I'm stepping back ...gonna do the steps. I'll be stepping over all my obstacles one of these days like they are stepping stones!

Gone to meeting.

Blessings to you.

gardenfairy

Sincerely · Senior Member

30 years! WOW, and the 10 years I have with my AH is about to put me in the grave. Hats off to you! Well, at my home, our fondest request is no alchol by our guest. And that includes my husband. I haven't seen him put a bottle to his mouth in 3 years. But I have seen him totally wasted as recent as 2 weeks ago. My husband has always gone to AA and counslers and church too. I dunno if I can go through this another 10 years. I have filed for Divorce and he has too, but we never divorced. I don't know what keeps me hanging on. Can't be that I am blind enough to think that this will ever stop. I wonder if when I gave my hubby the ultimatum inpatient rehab or the HWY, what I would have done if he didn't go. I didn't plan on him only staying for 4 days. So now I just gotta work on me. That's the only thing I can do.
Sincerely,
Tonya

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