Well, I can speak for myself... being ACoA I know I need the program for life. My mom was ACoA too, so even though I learned lots of great things from her & she truly is magical ~ the emotional stuff, hehe, let's just say I learned to be the perfect little codependent from her.
I found al-anon at 17 b/c I'd go to mtgs w/ my NA friend to "hold her hand" she'd say but for general support. When I found the simultaneous Al-Anon going on, I had to participate.

Three yrs later I was still going but didnt see the benefit for myself or for whatever reason wasn't seeing use for the program. So eight years later, there I was getting married to an addict.  The tools slipped away from my frontal lobes in my consciousness & sat way back in the "back burner territory".  So I would say, I had to learn about how much I needed al-anon, the very hard way.

What drove me back to al-anon after leaving my exAH & living at home with the 'rents as a 32 y/o - afew yrs went by & then the truth about my step-dad's cheatting came to light.
Again, being the "perfect codependent" I wanted to kill my step dad. I wanted to step in front of my mother & deal with him. hahaha  Ok. So I've been diligent at MIP & it's four years later. Today I know their relationship is none of my business.  Today I have learned to detach from their issues, problems, circumstances, feelings & mental health's (respectively). All of that junk is not for me to contemplate.
Today I focus on this moment, I enjoy my day & the experiences therein. I no longer obsess 24/7 about everyone else but me. I no longer obsess. Used to beat myself up really well, obsessing about what I have not done with my life, wishing for other things & reminiscing about the past, u know the old war wounds.

Last September I got to focusing on gratitude & what I had in my life that was working. A few weeks later I got in touch with pure joy, a feeling that I hadn't had since I was about ten y/o AND for the first time in my life I got calm.  Members told me I had acheived serenity.  Well, it is a feeling/state worth knowing. If it takes me coming, sharing, coping here with others to maintain this state of mind, I will particpate to keep it.  You know, use it or lose it.   Just like knowledge, u gain so much by giving it away.

Nearly two years ago I met a wonderful non-A myself.  I was open with him about what was going on with me mentally.  When we first met, I was still in a pretty destructive mode even though I was gaining on self-love.
Right b4 I met him, I had decided to figure out what self love was, I had to discover it for myself b/c I knew I hated myself & that wasn't healthy.  All I wanted was "health & to be heatlhy" so those were my only goals. I saw healthy people & clearly they loved themselves, so that was my challenge.
The first year, it was difficult for me to focus on me and it was hard to maintain it.
He saw me struggle. I did not pay him a lot of attention. I mean, I would share but my behavior was totally different with him, then it would have been (my) norm. Normally he would have become the center of my thoughts & everything I was doing would have immediately revolved around him. He talked about leaving Texas a lot & "normally" that would have devaststed me, would have taken it as a personal assault & abandonnment on me.
Well, since I was loving myself, none of that happened. I wasn't passive aggressive - I wasn't playing games or manipultaing. I was getting with him, sharing, keeping the focus on me and I remained detached from him (b/c normally I would have attached myself with all the hooks I had). My hooks were plugged into me for the first time.

I had had that book about how to date men. It said stuff like, give them a lot of space (like dont get attached -  stay reserved, almost uninterested) and if they call u on thursday for saturday - say "no".  Sry, I can't think of the title of that book right now but when I read long ago, I thought - there is no way I can do any of this junk. If a guy called on saturday morning & wanted to go out - dude, I wanted fun & life, I would go.
But I could see that with me focusing on me first & not chasing the guy, he was chasing me & pursuiing me heavily, I was naturally acting sorta how the book described! 

Cut to two years later (right now) and my b/f made the plans, paid the money, flew down to texas (b/c he had moved away to CT for a good NY job) -- loaded up my boxes in the uhaul, scooped up me & the cats & we drove 3 long days up to his house here.  We are happily living together (2+ months strong) LOL

All throughout the relationship, I have been honest about when I am acting codie & say it aloud for the benefit of both os us, "oh, this is codependent behavior" when I can be aware of it. I am learning how to work out the quirks but the behavior is still there. Not as much b/c i face it diligently everyday. If I werent consciously trying to change, my old behavior would completely take over.

He is very supportive of my, any endeavor I take on or verbalize & of my participation in al-anon, he's witnessed the changes. Early on he did ask me "when will you be finished with al-anon?"
I had to make it clearly known al-anon is a part of me & won't be leaving my life. I was so strong in how I stated it, he immeditely knew that was it. And I may have even said, "accept it or not but that's it".  So, he chose to accept me, al-anon & all.

Am happy for you , and yes still affected years later and thank God u figured that out  all by yourself  hehe.  It is so easy to fall back into old habbits especially in a new relationship  all the fears raise thier ugly heads again .  Run don't walk back to your meetings , both you and your new love will appreciate it .
Enjoy  Louise