I will play devil's advocate & see issues from all sides, or at least try to - it's how my brain operates. I see the problem & delve in both sides & try to come around & meet up on the other side, exhausting all possibilities & then making a choice.

My immediate response, was too bad u dont have a good girl friend u could take & make it a girl's holiday or mental health holiday or whatever.  But I also remember when my mental health became my priority. It happened subconsciously for me I just stared taking to it like a fish to water. Kudos for choosing to make your mental health a priority. By next year, u will be able to go to Hawai'i & actually be able to take a real vacation. I can understand still wanting to try to go now but u may only be obsessing about home anyway, so what's the point. 

Learn to focus on YOU, not ur AH, not ur daughter. I know for me, that I wasn't loving myself or making me a priority & all the A's in my life saw this & jumped in constantly trying to dictate & otherwise run my life. I was sick of being this puppet on a string. So, in my desperation to get detachment, I cut myself right down.  There I sat in a jumbled mess on the floor. I worked on self love, focus on me & what was & what was not my business.

Asking ur AH to drink this or that or this amount will only automatically want to make him to rebel. IMHO anyway, that's how I saw that sort of behavior work for me, in my life. If I said, drink beer not vodka or u can have three doubles & that's it, he would sneer & laugh in my face while he kept on drinking. He was the bread winner, he's an adult - he is going to do what pleases him & my interfering would only make his behavior worse. Like it gives him license. I am begging him to do something for me - so there I am out on the line, vulnerable in my wishes & my feelings are all enmeshed in whether he can control himself or not.

A's use us. This gives them power. It certainly didn't help me or him.  Knowing our feelings & issues like that, they love it & feed off of it.

Learn to focus on YOU. Counting beers or trying to control someone else is futile & will allow u to continue to be nuts or out of ur mind in grief. It is not worth it, it is old behavior that keeps us sick.

You are the only person u can control. You can change you, it's like not only are you your own ship, u can be the very wind in your sails!  I used to react & get blown all over the place by others. Now I can steer.
If my A is drinking, I can mind my own business, engage in activites I enjoy & take time out for me. I no longer need despair in his choices, I can rejoice in my own. Detach from his behavior & plug into what you are doing for you today. That is what you have control over.  Love yourself, you are worth it. In time ur AH will feel your attention leaving him & trust me, he will come looking for you to see what ur up to & if u have some time & energy for him.