The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have posted on here the past 2 weeks about my A having an affair i guess you would call it.
Well I can't deal with it anymore. I want to pack my crap and leave now. But I don't have a job have been looking for 4 months with no luck. I have 2 kids. I get 220 a month for child support for my oldest.
I called a crisis hotline and they said well if he isn't hitting you or the kids we can't help you. I don't know what else to do. I talked to someone at the county and I coul get welfare but that isn't even enough for our cheap apartment.
Any suggestions? phone numbers of agencies that would help? I live in MN.
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"Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip." Will Rogers
Are you sure you are ready to do this? Or are you just upset for the moment? Do you have "any" family or friends that can help you out for a little while.
I'm proud of you Melissa for reaching out for help. HP is listening I'm sure :) Meanwhile, remember your alanon literature to help you through this time, and care for you and the kids :)
Ok, take a deep breath, Do you have any IRL friend who can help you, hold your hand, lend you money?my next sugesstion would be to consult a lawyer. There are lawyers our there who do free consultations. They may be able to give you your rights as far as you leaving or him leaving. You can guess till the cows come home but until you speak with a lawyer, you'll never know the truth.
Next. I would get on craigslist and see if there are any rooms to rent. If you lived near me i'd put you up for a while. I have seen rooms for rent of short term.
Try calling another abuse center. Tell them you are scared for your life. If you are. call local churches. They will always know someone who will be able to put you up temporarliy.
Hi Melissa, In reading your post I am trully impressed with your strength and the actions you have already taken. It sounds as if you are ready to rebuild your life and the suggestions that you have already be given sound very good.
Please consider each response and please try to just go slow, taking little constructive actions each day to reach your goal.
Keep posting, Keep focusing on you and your children, keep reaching out to the welfare dept and inquire about food stamps. When you are ready and have all these things in place you can then feel safe enough to move on.
Please keep trusting HP and I will keep you and your children in my prayers.
Thanks for the replies. I feel a lot more calm. thanks to my sponsor!! She is GREAT!!
I don't believe I need a lawyer..we are not married. I have seen rooms for rent, but with 2 kids I need a bit more than just a room.
I am not scared for my life at all. It's just emotional abuse and psychological. I have another number I am going to call in the morning. But it's not for my county so not sure, but still going to see.
Not sure if I want to leave NOW or not anymore, but I do think I need to see all the options I have incase I do chose to leave.
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"Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip." Will Rogers
Mel if it's not possible for you t leave now , as long as your safe physically, emotionally al anon will help u there . make a plan save some money and keep looking after yurself . Your physical emotional and spiritual heath they are all we got . Give al anon a few months and see how feel then , u may indeed change your mind . or know that leaving is what u want to do . Louise
Minnesota is the land of 10,000 social service agencies. I used to live there for many many years. Please PM me if you want- are you near the twin cities at all?
Do you have a family member or friend you can live with temporarily? Church? Best friend? I went to my sister's for three months to get my head screwed back on and get back on my feet.
Emotional/psychological abuse is ABUSE and often its worse than physical abuse (AND escalates TO physical abuse!!) so if you are talking to social service people who DO NOT GET THAT find some that DO, keep making calls, keep reaching out.
My best thoughts and prayers are with you. I waited until he started hitting. Do not wait that long. J.
why not take it one step at a time, Build you plan be. Sometimes they take a while to build. I well udnerstand the impulse to just leave but you also have to take care of yourself. Network learn what's availale to you, look at your choices. I often impulsively wanted to shock the A into behaving better. I left once went to a motel, the A promised the world. I got back home and from teh moment I got there I realised he had no intention of doing anything! So look at is this a gesture or is it a plan. If its a plan give yourself some time. Practice detaching. Practice being in the program. There is a lot to absorb.
