The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've spent the day, well to be honest pretty much the week in bed (other than work). I just can not seem to get it together. I have no desire to even comb my hair today, and haven't. I had several realizations last night that have added to my over all knowledge and acceptance of things, and now I am just plain scared. Scared that I might not snap out of it this time around.....Confused as to why this time around it seems to hurt even worse than before. I keep reminding myself every five minutes while I lay there that I am right where I am supposed to be, going through exactly what I should be, but DANG this is HARD! Laundry is piled high, dishes are overflowing and being a single mom there is ALWAYS something I need to be doing and I can't even comb my hair!!! Any ESH would be awesome......this too HAS to pass don't it???
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
I went thru that at about 5 years into recovery...meetings, sponsor, literature etc etc. At the same time had to divorce my alcoholic/addict son who was living with me or on me and I came to realize its not about who the alcoholic is; its about how I react to the behaviors, language, feeling, thoughts and motivations of the alcoholic.
I let him go and everything else also and when my HP thought that not enough was gone that we gone for awhile also. My HP wanted me completely alone and to my HP's self and when all the distractions were out of the way I continued to learn in High Definition color and sound. HP and me and no distractions. God I didn't like that or rather I didn't like that God of course in the end I found out like I was being told when the student is ready...the teacher arrives. My HP didn't use a proxy this time it was one on one with my HP...God as I understood God and God worked within that understanding...no tricks, no mirrors, no slight of hand. You cannot imagine the process and the outcome I wouldn't give away to anyone not willing to recover.
For me again it is and was when I was at my most powerless moment that I could hear the direction.
Good Luck Shelly...no reservations, let it all go. (((((hugs)))))
PS sometimes later you come to understand that you would not have wanted it to pass for all the gold in the world. It is when we are emptiest that we start to be refilled.
-- Edited by Jerry F on Saturday 4th of April 2009 06:59:19 PM
You alone have showed ME more strength in the last 12 years then anyone I know, You have done what you had to do, you have busted your hump to give your son a home, and a great life... You know when the smoke clears you will be able to breathe again...You just have to deside what you want... REALLY deep down... Only you know that...
Last nights "Pifany" I think pretty much lined it up for you, now all you have to do is follow suit... Love Hurts, one of the bigger pains in this world for sure.. You blocked it out for so long after AH, that you forgot how... AB/f well... He came into your life, just like you planned it:) You told me when your son was 11-12 you would try dating...Well you fell in love... It is O-Kay, don't resent it, remember it as a wonderful time in your life, that you had to move past... To New More Wonderful things... Things that you/yourHP/& your son want out of life...
You are not going to tell me that you are planning to lay in bed all day and feel sorry for your self, because the Sis-IL that i have don't lay down for any man, or any reason, unless she is sick... And honey, it is going to be beautiful tomorrow... Get you son, and get some Sun on your face.. That truly is all you need...For this Moment anyway... What is ment to be will be... YOU CAN DO THIS...
Keep your head up babe, get to the canal, crick, mountain, and see what God has for you... His visions are always more beautiful then anything we can dream up... I will keep you in my Prayers as always...
Love Ya... Jozie...
PS... You could always join my nightmare... That way you wouldn't have time to worry or THINK about yours... trust me.. I got some sh*t... LMAO... Love ya girl, now plan your day tomorrow and get on with your life... One MOMENT/SeCOND at a Time...
Yeah, it wil pass. And then it will come back and pass again....
I have decided that when I don't have the kids (which is never, literally) that if I want to take a few mental health days, I can. And I lay around, don't brush my hair, eat whatever I feel like, cry, whine....wonder if I will ever love again, wonder why the ex didn't love me enough, etc etc etc.
It's ok Shelly, you are going to be ok. You are going to get thru this. Give yourself permission to grieve fully the lost of the dream. Cause that's what it sounds like you are doing...grieving.
I spent the day in my pajamas and I cried a couple of times. I didn't accomplish what I had planned. I felt lonely. I ended the day by calling one of my al-anon friends and I feel soooo much better. It does pass, and unfortunately return, but each time a little less painful as the principles of al-anon take hold.
Remember, it can and will be soooo much better, just keep coming back.
Blessings, Lou
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
depression is common for many of us. You can get an antidepressant. Getting out helps too. I never do everything on my to do list. I spend a lot of time doing chores and sometimes wonder if they are never ending. I do know for me personally high fatigue is a sign of deperssion and I get help for it. Asking for help is a good thing.
