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I am so angry at my dad. He is 81 years old and he started drinking heavily, before we eat dinner, since he was 77 years old. He drinks around 5pm and then he lays down until dinner on the table. When dinner comes he seems sober. However, right before he sits down for dinner, he seems to be sneaking for more. The reason I said that is because he sounds drunk (loopy, not thinking straight, and/or mean) during dinner time. We eat between 7pm and 8pm most of the time. Sometimes, he does not finished his meals (he leaves and he smokes afterward). When he leaves, he sometimes stagger. Also, tonight he wrote something down (name and phone number) on a napkin during dinner... then came back after a nap, he said, I dont remember writing this. He had a black-out even though he didnt fall down.
Im so angry (my mom is too) right now. My parents have been married about 55 years. I hate seeing Dad like this especially his late in life! We have had a good relationship. Im quadriplegic and I was having a good life until now. Also, I constant worry about my future and hes making it worse.
Do you think my dad has a drinking problem even though he doesnt drink all day? I told my family doctor and nothing he can do until Dad admits it he has a problem. My dads father used to drink all day.
Thank you for letting me venting my anger. Any suggestion/advices? Note: I cant call the local Al-anon group because I cant hear and I cant speak clearly. Thanks!
Hi Gee wizz , thank God for computors huh ? There is nothing u can do about dad he will stop when he is ready and not before , there is no point in worrying yourself sick over somthing u have no control over . It dosent matter if dad is an alcholic what matters is it is upsetting yu and mom when he drinks . We have a chat room on this site please search it out we have meetings twice a day 9am and pm eastern time , since going to a meeting is not an option this site is perfect for you. Try and remain calm regardless of what dad is doing ,encourage mom to do the same I am assuming u are safe as far as physical abuse is concerned , just live your lives as usual , but try not to let him upset you. Don't argue with him when drinking or try and make him understand that he has a problem . blackouts are certainly a sign that he is drinking alot . I look forward to meeting u in the chat room soon . Louise
Thanks for your support Louise. Ill try to meet you all. Ive talked to my dad several times when hes not drinking, but it doesnt help because he waits for a week by not drinking so heavily and then he drinks heavily a week later. It is very inconsistent.
I guess Im upset because we have a great relationship and I dont want to lose it before something happens at the end of his life. I want to keep good memories. I also am worry about him.
Hopefully, Ill chat with you all soon.
-- Edited by Geez_Wiz on Saturday 4th of April 2009 01:46:32 PM
-- Edited by Geez_Wiz on Saturday 4th of April 2009 01:48:55 PM
I am sorry to hear about your Dad and I can understand your frustration and concern.
Unfortunately there is really nothing you can do, especially at your Dad's age. I work with a lot of elderly people and they can be quite stubborn about being old enough to live their life they way they please. They have a point...even if how they please is unhealthy.
Depression is rampant amongst the elderly also and we all know that many people who drink do so to self medicate. You say you have spoken to your Dad's doctor, have you raised the question of your Dad perhaps suffering from depression? Perhaps that is an angle he may be willing to speak with your Dad about.
Smoking and drinking heavily at age 82? Your Dad must be doing something right to have made it to that ripe old age with such bad habits. Wow, you are fortunate to still have your parents with you at all, and the fact that they are still able to care for themselves and you is really a gift. I hope that somehow your Dad gets help and you and your Mom find some comfort in Alanon.
I know my husband used to drive me crazy with how much he drank for most of his life. Everyone that knew how much he drank had all sorts of dire predictions about his health, yet he remains totally unscathed by such heavy drinking. He finally quit drinking entirely and got a full total checkup, including liver enzymes and he was told he had a body of a 18 year old, perfectly healthy. I am glad, I guess some people can abuse their body and still be OK, but that sure is a risky thing to try. I hope it is like that for your Dad also and he suffers no serious health problems or permanant effects from his alcohol abuse until he chooses to get help.
There's a program at WSO called "lone member service", especially for people who are isolated, that might be just right for you - check it out at al-anon.alateen.org
Thanks!
