The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Ever wonder about how things like "28-day" rehabs evolved? If you're like me, you'd hope that there was some "science" behind it all, and it took that amount of time for addicts to have their best chance at sobriety.... My understanding is that the 28-days was arrived at, mostly because that is the amount of time that insurance companies were willing to allow people to miss work for.... Damn, was really hoping it was more spiritual than that!!!
As for the length of time "required" for true sobriety to have a decent chance, I think that is a wide open question.... In my experience, my ex-AW went to a 28-day government run rehab, with very few restrictions/rules, and relapsed 11 days later.... A couple of years later, she went to an open-ended private facility (i.e. no formal predetermined length), stayed (the standard) 53 days... there were TONS of rules and restrictions, and she has been sober ever since..... That being said, I know plenty of people, from her first 28-day rehab, who are still sober and thriving today....
Bottom line, I think people will get sober when they are ready and willing to get sober.... when they are truly "sick and tired of being sick and tired"....
Take care Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
I absolutely agree. I'll go a step further and say not only does the length not matter, but if the person's light doesn't come on it could be 100 yrs and do no good.
My husband never went to rehab at all. I know he is an exception, but he never exhibited dry drunk behaviors. He found Recovery (key word), not rehab. They are not the same thing.
Rehab is a place, a building. Recovery is an inside job. Like Alanon, if we aren't willing to do the inside work on ourselves, it's just a program with a name. For my husband, it involved the will to live, to see his son grow up, to recognize and stop hurting his family and himself. Those things, combined with the willpower to do so every day.
I forgot to mention that my husband didn't attend AA either.
-- Edited by Christy on Friday 3rd of April 2009 07:53:14 PM
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
I never went to rehab. I used to see the billboard for hospital programs and contemplated it, but I just went straight to AA one day after work. I didn't know I was going to do that when I left for work that morning.
Of the people I know who are sober today and close to my age, at least half have been to one or more rehab program. Generally the younger a person is, the more likely they have been to rehab - younger in sobriety I mean. My daughter came to AA cold when she was 17, didn't stay - after several 3-day detoxes here and there, she ended up in a court ordered rehab which was long term - 6+ months residential, when she was 22. It worked for her. Everybody has to find their own way. I found AA's lack of formality, rules, and structure to be a good fit. If I had gone to rehab and lived in a highly structured environment for any length of time, I would have either rebelled against it and gone back out ASAP after being discharged, or I would have become very systematized by the program, and perhaps had trouble transitioning to the free world. So it's good that I walked in on my own, under nobody's order, with nobody's blessing, and nobody's permission but my own. Nobody even suggested it to me. I just did it.
I too agree with you. I had a school friend who was in a very lengthy program. 90 days rehab, 2 year assisted living facility, another year in a half way house on the same campus as rehab and assisted living. This program was intense and expensive. She did okay. After this 3 years she relapsed within 6 months. Her parents and friends have not heard from her. No one knows if she's alive or dead. This disease is truly cunning, baffling and powerful. Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
A person recently asked me, "how long have you been knowing your A?" i answered 10 years. He then asked, "has he always been an A since you met him?" i answered yes. Then he said, "well, he probably drank for 10 years before he met you, right?" again, i answered yes. He then told me, well, your husband has 20 years of bad behavior to undo. He isn't going to undo it in 28 days. He has got to be willing to undo it for the rest of his life.
Then, I had to think of myself. I have gained 100 pounds in the last 20 years. I have 100 pounds to loose----20 years of weight gain to loose. And I want it to come off in 3 months. OMG...how intense to compare my weight gain to my husbands drinking. It floored me.
At some part I get the feeling you were at my morning meeting hanging around the reality of sobriety; willingness and honesty. For me that also includes the daily commitment. One of my committed friends picked up his 20 year coin this morning and another of my committed friends returned with the smell of alcohol on his person. Both are committed to sobriety one has more time practicing the lessons and feeding the commitment. Neither is more important than the other. As I feel it should be the one with time left early and the one with a few hours remained for more input and ESH from the alcoholics who remained to support the newly him and others like him. Both of them have the simple instructions of don't drink before or between meetings and when you are under stress to drink call for help before drinking. The length of clinical rehab was mostly as you mention...set by health insurance policy. There were policies that allowed for longer or shorter term and some none at all. Lots of policies no longer have allowances for alcoholism or drug addiction due to the pervasive nature of the disease and so I feel it is the strong empathy of spiritually bases twelve step programs like ours that calls for the alcoholic and addict to come on it and we have no charge.
I use to work in the industry (alcohol/addiction recovery)...often times for those who had no insurance we would give scholarships. The program was of 90 days or more daily with meetings twice on Monday and Friday, the second meeting being "family group". We would take a client longer if it warranted it and we would re-admit also. Not all patients made it the first time around, some did revisits, some went to other programs and one that I know of died as a result of the disease (teenager). The school based program was much better. All in attendance were either recommended or sponsored by another group member with all of their attendance certified by the/a school counselor and the focus was life with or without drugs and alcohol although everyone in the room was connect or qualified to be there. The school bases program was more highly successful because the members wanted to be there as opposed to the clinical program where some higher authority placed them there. Willingness versus a lack of it. The outcomes were always similar. If they weren't ready they left with the information. If they were ready they made use of the information and started to walk the talk. "The courage to change the things I can" in action.
The miracle often starts on the 29th day or whenever the insurance runs out.
My AH had tried rehab once years ago and did not follow up with AA, or have any support from his then significant other or his family. Needless to say, he relapsed in a short amount of time and continued drinking for about 10 years.
when he finally decided he wanted to get sober and stay that way he went into detox and straight to a 28 day program. He has been going to AA and got his 7 month coin yesterday. I agree with you Tom, I think that when you are ready it will work (hopefully) and not before. He and I both also have said that it seems like it's more about the insurance than about recovery in the rehab places. I do think they are a helpful start, but not the fix that everyone who doesn't understand this disease thinks they are. They will say "just go to rehab" like it's all better when you leave there. They need to understand that rehab (if you even go that rout) is just the beginning and it's a lifelong process.
I'm very hopeful at this point, but I know that it could change at any time. that's what brought me to Al Anon. I knew I had to "fix myself". I needed to work on my issures instead of his. Somehow, though it seems so far to help diffuse issues with him. I'm learning thrugh this program, the steps and slogans, to let go and let God. I have a long way to go but a little progress is a beautiful thing!
