The material presented
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I met my boyfriend's mom last night. I got the oh my god my son has lost his mind vibe from her. I talked to him on the phone a few minutes ago and he said she said I was nice and there was a pause... and so I said and? and some other things that are between me and her... I'm pretty good at reading people and I'm usually right on. So my feeling after we met was... He's only 24, what is he thinking getting involved with a woman who is 14 years older than him with 3 children? He's still her baby, that was obvious. I imagine she's thinking he can do better (younger, thinner, no kids... etc) that he is biting off more than he can chew (stepping in with 3 kids one of whom has serious issues) and he's getting deeply involved way too fast (we are thinking about moving in together). Also, perhaps that this is more responsibility than he can handle, he has a long life ahead of him and he's settling now which means missing future opportunity... etc.
So I'm guessing right now but we are going to talk later and he will confirm anything that I say that is right. My fears are that it will change the way he feels about me or his decision making regarding our relationship.
So, there's nothing I can do about any of this, and I hate stressing over things that I have no control in. I guess I just needed to vent and get it out there. He's gonna do what he's gonna do just like I'm gonna do what I'm gonna do. Hopefully we can keep doing it together. I just want the icky stress feeling to go away!
I think you should pat yourself on the back for being where you are. You may want to look at some of your old posts and read where you were when you came in and how far you've come. You've grown up alot--and that includes having the maturity to be a dating person. Yes, the mother probably did freak out about you being older than her and dating her son. but that also tells me that she's adept at controlling. That you could have been Miss America and that wouldn't have been good enough for her. You could have been Ivanika Trump and that wouldn't have been good for her. Imagine all of the extremes you could be (richest, smartest, prettiest, etc) and realize that, as far as this woman's concerned, you're not good enough. Having said that, you're not dating his mom. And if she insists on making her a presence in your relationship, you have the skills now to set boundries & sitck with them. You're also not afraid to stand up for yourself to scary people, like the mother.
Ya know CG, maybe you ought to put more faith in yourself and this new guy and less faith in what his mom thinks. If his mom's opinion turns out to be a huge issue between you two, then maybe you can take things a bit slower. Maybe not move in together right now. Just kind of float on the calm waters you are on right now, enjoying life and the time you spend together. Who knows, even if his mom is not crazy about the idea right now, maybe she will get used to it as time goes by. Plus that will give her time to get to know you. AND once she gets to know you, she will feel better about him dating you. Right now, she may just be forming her opinion on facts....facts that revolve only around numbers. Your age, his age, number of kids you have, your kids' ages, the time you've spent dating, his years of experience, your years of experience.
So give it some time. Turn on the charm w/his mom and win her over. Then all will be just dandy. And hey, no stress.
Mother's of the men we love! I have not meet many peope who tell me they have the best mother in law in the world. My mother in law (RIP), used to have a roll of paper towels with my name on it. She would say those paper towels are for me to wipe my tears when my husband started drinking again. She would even hold her beer up and waive it in the air at my hubby and say..ummm doesn't it look good...and then laugh. As much as I wanted to beat her in the head, I took her into my home durning the last 8 weeks of her life. Even while my A hubby was having an affair and broke his 3 years of sobriety. No one else (none of her kids) did anything to help me. She may have hated me and made my life miserable, but in the end, she was kind and sweet and it was the best thing I could have ever done for such a miserable cruel person.
And another thing!! I was gonna say but then I can only go with ESH. My experience is that the fear and judgment you are projecting into his mom are your alone. If you want the real story you'd have to go to her and qualify her by asking her to be honest. If your gonna what if you're gonna have to be fair and what if not too.
