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Ok, so my AH got 2 summon's to appear in court for a missed child support payment back in 06 and another one for not paying a certain % of healthcare for his other daughter. This is all out of jealousy from his ex. anytime she is jealous or mad they are in court for something. Anyways, this upset my AH so he decided to go get a beer after work..! He text me and told me this and he said I know your gonna be mad but I am sorry. I responded with I am not mad...I just hope you know that this is not the best way to deal with your stress. It just makes you mad. It does me or you any good for me to yell. He thanked me for being understanding. He then said he is mad at himself for resorting back to his old ways of dealing with his stress.
So he comes home showers and goes straight to bed with no words to anyone. He later gets up and leaves the house. He then comes home and goes back to bed as I do. I was woken up by a text message from him in the other room that says "Just so you know I hae always loved you!" then another "Goodbye my Love" We are sleeping in seperate rooms because he has been sick. So, I go in our bedroom where he is and he has the tie to my robe around his neck and tied up to the post on the head board. Like he is gonna commit suicide. But the thing is that the way this si done there is now way he could be hurt. I think it was just for affect! But he starts talking about not wanting to live and everyone hates him. the typical sorry for me talk and just is tired of living. i fed into it and told him all the right things. He told me he knows that I am just trying to help but I am making it all worse.
We both woke up this morning and he just as mean as he could be but now is fine just sounds down. I called our marriage counselor to get advice on what to do but he has not returned my call. Is this possible a cry for help like maybe he will harm himself later if this doesn't get him attention. Or what?
I just now finally got intouch with someone at an office to set up an appt for him to seek help. I have been getting stupid answering machines all day!! how frustrating! I don't think he is an immediate threat to himself but he needs help fast and asap. Nobody should live with these types of thoughts. It is not just I am sad! He said I don't want to go on anymore so that scared me to death!
He doesn't want to do it anymore...he wants YOU to deal with it. He wants out of his life the way it is. He wants someone else to fix it for him. At least, that was what MY ex's phoney suicide attempts were. Manipulation. And I would jump in and fix it all for him. Take care of him. Fix it for him.
He went so far as to overdose. And I kept him alive till the ambulance got there. And ya know what he said to me as he lay in the ER? Not thank you, Not I'm sorry but "what did you do that for? I was just sleeping off a crack binge! You're stupid and now I have to make this social worker believe that I am JUST a crack head and YOU over reacted AGAIN!!!!!" Yeah, his heart had stopped and he wasn't breathing.
So, my ESH is this: When he gets out the electric razor and tries to slit his wrist, when he takes 6 cold medicine tablets when the limit is 3, when he ties the robe tie to the bed post....call 911. And let the professionals deal with him. That way, whether he is serious or not, he gets the help he needs. And you can be sure he is in the best hands possible , those of his HP
Yeah your right because he was sure to text me so I could be there to see what he had done to himself. What he did in now way could hurt him. He had nowhere to fall from and hang himself. He just wanted me to feel for him. But that in itself is unhealthy. I will call 911 next time and I bet he will do the same thing and ask me why I did that cause it will cost him a pretty penny for the ambulance.
Whether it is a cry for help or attention or not, it is still very serious & should not be taken lightly. My mom had attempted a few times, I found her overdosed, half dead, called the cops, got her to hospital, stomach pumped the whole 9 yards. I suffered from suicidal ideation for 25 years & when I was depressed -- well I discovered how easy it really would be to just give up & become someone else's problem. yuck Fear & other unresolved issues is what was fueling me at that time. I do know, this is issue is very much like the 3 C's -- we cannot cure, change or control someone else. They say if someone wants to really carry out this end, they will figure out a means to do so. When I attempted several times, each time I re-awoke I was very grateful to still be alive. for me having ppl to talk to about my true feelings helped me more than anything. Truth is I was afraid to talk to a therapist (in a lot of states just mentioning suicide can get u locked up) but I did talk freely here at MIP, posting & in chat & at mtgs. It is a very taboo subject that most people dont want to think about. Still, I felt I had to get my feelings out, in doing so I became more freed each time. Now I rarely talk about that & no longer have the ideations I once had.
For me, it got better once I got focused on me & worked on discovering what self love was/is. No one can tell you what is best for you & how you want to handle it but it is certainly nothing to joke about or take lightly.
Maybe ur therapist or another (suicide) counselor can give u better insight on what sort of preventative measures u can take. Bottome line is he will have to sort out his feelings. btw - u can tell him... your feelings cannot kill you. It may feel excruciating but that's all it is - a feeling & they pass.
None of us should expect that everyone will like or love us, what is important is that we love ourselves, nothing can take the place of that & with the support of al-anon that is what I've learned.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
thank you for your thoughts. I think I will let him know that if he does this again i will call for help. But that might scare him and what if he doesn't alarm me like he did last night! I would hate to have the alternative happen.
From a retired alcohol and substance abuse counselor (me) the 911 call is the most helpful for the reasons stated...He will be in professional helping hands and in HP's. Don't tell him what you will do the next time. You will be continuing to let him know that you are hooked in and he won't have to do anything different than what he is doing now. In AA we learn to do things different that what we have been doing that hasn't been working and only one of those things is taking the first drink. He really needs to be talking to other recovering alcoholics/addicts.
Might as well start your own changes now...start practicing letting go and letting God.
I am trying to let go but after that I had to atleast make him an appt. Now it is in his hands to go or not. He asked me to help him so I did. I am living my life in the hopes that everything works out. I am trying not to stress my life with his problems but I have been told that his problems are my problems and if I just let him wash away I am at fault for not helping. I just can't do it anymore. I agree letting go is all I can do. He has to start to help himself at some point!
I'd suggest callling 911, as others have, and letting professionals deal with it. A long time ago, in 1974, my oldest sister overdosed on prescription meds. She told someone she'd taken them, but he didn't think it could hurt her. She passed out a few hours later, spent 3 days in a coma, and died at the age of 22, leaving two young children behind. In my opinion, any threat of suicide should result in immediate professional help. Just my 2 cents.
lots of good knowledge shared here, (((shell))). i am really proud of you for trying to "respond" instead of "react" -- exactly what the dr. ordered.
by now, you might have realized that all his behavior is out of your control... i am powerless over alcohol, alcoholics, other people's behavior, and anything other than my own actions/thoughts. if he really wants to kill himself, he will. personally, i believe that all suicidal cues ought to be taken seriously and dealt with as others have mentioned. call 911, as they have people trained to deal with this -- not even a second thought before i would dial.
calling 911 would also do you the favor of putting a boundary in place that is easy to keep. you don't have to internally debate whether it is for show or for real. you don't have to be manipulated. YOU have that ability to remove that stress.
the al anon program is truly about our own self-control. absolute surrender, absolute acceptance. it has meant the world to me to live my life, instead of my partner's life. when bad behavior is present, i rely on my boundaries (and my friends/sponsor on the other end of the teliphone) to give me more perspective than just what i have going on in my head. usually, that is enough to keep me from reacting and making a bad situation worse. in the face of bad behavior is when I am most tempted to have bad behavior, and that is NOT keeping my side of the street clean.
absolute surrender/absolute acceptance whatever will be, will be with love and empathy, cj
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
My ex AH used to threaten it all the time. He would take off sometimes in his car and sometimes on foot and say he was going to go off and kill himself. He never did.
I would FREAK and run after him until the last night when he pulled that (and hit me in the face before he left). I just let him go. When he got back, I was gone. HE FREAKED OUT and thought I had gone off to kill myself.
go figure- if it wasnt so sick and horrible (BOTH of us), it would be HILARIOUS.
I had had enough and was through. Thank HP I got out and never looked back. Hugs, J.
