The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My A did them. He said they were ready for my final review and it would be quick.
So we went for a bike ride and had a barbeque and then he put a movie on.
Then he brought the laptop with the taxes on it out from his office
I started reviewing the taxes and became very upset, not even the state was done and he was missing some important entries.
I went downstairs and read my courage to change book.
The next day he said he fixed the taxes up and after dinner and we were watching a DVD he brought out the laptop with the taxes on.
They looked worse than ever. So I did not get upset just went downstairs and took a long shower.
This morning he shows me the state return - the part still not done last night. He has it all printed out too.
It is completely wrong form - an amended return. I mention this politely to him and he sayd he will need my help. I said I am sure you can figure this out
I think his disease just feeds off of chaos and me getting upset.
Oh, and the worst part, he mentioned wanting to go out and get ice cream last night. I said I didn't want any and he said he wanted to buy himself a small bottle of vodka!!!! I said well, first it will be a small bottle, then a big botlle then you will be drunk all the time. He let it go but I am positive 2 weeks of sobriety are soon to be gone...
Well, if the taxes continue to stumble I will file the same 1040 extension that I files last year.
Then I will file seperate. Let's see where this all leads.
Thanks for listening
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Megan
If you want things you never had you need to do things you have never done
Hi Megan. There are some things that have to be done even if we have to intervene to get them done and done properly. I have always done the taxes, so after my husband (A) and I were married I continued doing them. He is British, so he doesn't quite understand our tax codes. I do sit him down and go over the result with him, and he never fails to say that he could probably figure out a way to pay no taxes at all. I smile and say, "sign." I do not consider this enabling; I consider it doing what needs to be done in a timely manner. It's my job. I honestly think if I were you, I'd do the damned taxes, and save myself some anguish and frustration.
Best to you, Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
I guess I put my head in the sand somewhat about the taxes as I know it will be stressful.
I did the taxes for the first 10 years or so of our marriage then my A took it over and we went to an accountant because his business income/expenses were complicated.
Since he was fired 3 years ago we went to the accountant once and now he won't go....
And he said he wanted to do the taxes last year. But he was very very bad last year and I got an extension. Then he got sober and did them.
Yes, 2 weeks sober does not make a mind able to do taxes, especially when I see the signs he is ready to drink again.....
I think I will make a boundary of filing seperately, it will save the drama, headache and heartache. If he doesn't file on time or at all it will be his mess.,...
megan
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Megan
If you want things you never had you need to do things you have never done
Geeze thanks Megan, got a lot going on preping for a guard trip that I totally almost missed the tax return. One more thing for today. wew glad there is always e-file. Ahh humm no procrastination here lol.
The state tax return was printed out 3 times and no federal. Thanks for the heads up that he probably could not figure it out. So I showed him how to revert to the federal and print it out.
Then I signed the federal. He says "it's mostly your money anyway" and I said "yes, and next year I will file a seperate return"
Him - no comment.
Deep breath. The thriving on crisis situation has gotten way old for me.
And yes, he got quite drunk last night. (after 2 weeks sober)But then again, I have alanon to thank - that is how alcoholics deal with stress.
As for me, I am going to the yankees when my brother comes to town next month.
Something I would have never done without alanon tools.
I didn't even ask my A - I am sure he got the same invite via email - he is usually 3 months behind on email....
And, I am starting to talk finances with the car dealer...soon, soon, my freedom machine
Thanks for listening
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Megan
If you want things you never had you need to do things you have never done
It is great to see you taking control of your own life.
Taxes for us was never an issue. I did them on the side for many years, so it was natural for me to do them for our family. My husband always complains he wants to be in charge of finances, but he doesn't even attempt the taxes. If I didn't know how to do it, he would probably want to paya someone to do it.
There are certain things each of us is better at, and those lines I myself prefer not to blurr. Most things however it would be nice if we could both chip in.
It has taken me years to figure out my husband and his pattern with procrastination. Although he has been sober for a long time, his habits are the same as when he drank. He is home now doing the taxes for a business (he was up late doing the same). Ours were filed yesterday and we had to pay the feds. He is an accountant by training and I would just go by what ever he said was appropriate. The procrastination and over commitment of his time to work, etc. always seems to be worse in the spring. What manifests for me and our family is that we have to take a back seat to the deadlines and all his other obligations. For instance, this Saturday was to be family day and Sunday he would take care of business. But that all went out the door because of procrastination and these other deadlines.
What I have learned to do is to stay out of his way, offer to help, don't make plans with him, make plans for me and the kids, and learn to do my own taxes. What I realize is that when it comes to this level of pressure for him, he doesn't even know it until the last minute. And he feels bad about himself as it is. I am thankful for Alanon is helping me view my husband with more respect and for myself to follow the gets of Alanon - get off his back, get out of his way, and get on with my life.
