The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
With my husband newly sober and now, once again, living at home, I am learning how to live one day at a time. SO often I sit and start to worry and panic over what can happen tomorrow. The "what if's" come to mind. What if he drinks again? What if he doesn't come home from work again? What if I start really enjoying my marriage again and he starts drinking and I am crushed?
So, I tell myself, One day at a time Suzanne. You only have today to think about....and for today....it is good. Man, does that relieve me of much stress and anxiety. I immediately feel it roll off my shoulders.
Thanks for sharing your recovery in such a heartfelt manner. You have found and successfully demonsatrated the use of one of the most imporant tools of the alanon program.
Do NOt Project and Live one Day at a Time will return me to serenity immediately.
Body language is the greater percentage of communications and often times when they see our body language it can and will scare the crap out of them or pee them off (same thing). They feed off of us and we feed off of them. Memorize the Serenity Prayer, the meeting schedule and your support phone list. This is a compulsive disease of reaction.
One day at a time is a fantastic motto. I posted here last week. My husband had finally said he was going to stop drinking, wanted my help, was serious this time, would get help if he needed it. Then, 2-1/2 weeks later he announced he was going out to his shop to "have a few beers." I was devastated. Crushed. I actually hoped this time would be different. The next day - we had a horrible fight about it. He told me he liked drinking, would be miserable is he couldn't drink, wanted to continue to drink, etc, etc. That all the stuff about quitting adn being serious was a mistake. He shouldn't have said it. He was trying to make me happy. He'd cut back, make sure it wasn't an issue.
Well, I learned something through the whole thing. I've always worried myself to death about his drinking. What if he drinks too much. Comes home drunk. Doesn't come home, etc, etc. When he stopped (for those brief 2 weeks) I read the book Co-dependnet No More. I focused on detachment. Every time I started worrying about his drinking, if he was going to start again, I would make myself detach. It was hard, but I actually got through the 2-1/2 weeks without worrying very much. Then - he started again.
The lesson I learned was this: My worrying - or not worrying - yielded the same result. I have no control. Worrying only gives me an upset stomach, a headache and keeps me awake at night. It sure didn't change one thing about the alcohol.
Try to keep that in mind. And I highly suggest the book.
